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Speak for yourself l hated women making first move. l mean l was flattered but at the same time l'd just think hth did you get l;d be interested when to me it'd be pretty obvious l wouldn't be. So then l'd just feel embarrassed for her and ldk , the first move type were usually kinda desperate types to.
l mean really l suppose there's nothing wrong with it but tbh l prefer a woman with a bit more class in those ways.
l;ll get shot here for that l know but anyway.
Why would you get shot for that. It is exactly how most women feel when guys make a move.
Sorry I still feel men need to be the ones to pursue. Men have natural hunting energy. I’ve seen successful relationships where the woman pursued the man, but perhaps because she set the tone, they remain stuck in the pattern of working ten times harder in the relationship than their partner does. That doesn’t appeal to me in the least.
The bold is made up. Not to mention thinking the one who initiated the first date will work 10 times harder in the relationship. Historically human pairings were arranged by family members. There was no natural hunting energy to find a mate. It is creepy to think of asking someone out as hunting/predatory unless of course the only motive is sex.
That said some men may be more assertive (testosterone), but it certainly is not universal.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,723,992 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by bu2
And the OP is approaching men who are not available-a guide and married men. Yes, she should avoid that in the future.
Yeah, her reasoning for not making the first move anymore is really nothing more than a cop-out. Like I’ve said in the past, I think a woman should be assertive if she is interested but I would probably turn anyone who asked me out down because those dynamics usually are more trouble for me than they are worth.
Yeah, her reasoning for not making the first move anymore is really nothing more than a cop-out. Like I’ve said in the past, I think a woman should be assertive if she is interested but I would probably turn anyone who asked me out down because those dynamics usually are more trouble for me than they are worth.
So, Diss, just to clarify--you'd rather that women who are interested in you make subtle gestures, like flirting or 'orbiting' around you as it's called, or drop hints, or give other signals, but leave the move-making to you? I ask, because so many guys have stated on here in the past, that they wish women would quit with the (what the men perceive to be ambiguous) "signals", and just be clear about their interest.
Even a relatively decent looking guy would probably go thru 90% NOs before he hears a "Yes" (if that).
With the related social norms are being way different than what they used to be, I think it is much worse now.
Even people that might be interested in you, may not always react naturally or the way you expected them to due to their lack of experience, self-confidence or shyness.
Gutless romantics on online dating sites will have no problem sending paid cyber flowers to the individual they were interested in but would not dare throw a free verbal "Hi" in real life to someone they like.
At least, OP didn't seem shy so kudos to her for that but getting discouraged after a few fails will not help.
Keep on keeping on (unless you find a better alternative)!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,723,992 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
So, Diss, just to clarify--you'd rather that women who are interested in you make subtle gestures, like flirting or 'orbiting' around you as it's called, or drop hints, or give other signals, but leave the move-making to you? I ask, because so many guys have stated on here in the past, that they wish women would quit with the (what the men perceive to be ambiguous) "signals", and just be clear about their interest.
Im a born and bred straight shooter. I’d rather them be direct and not solely rely on hints. But I’d not be very inclined to say yes if they said “I likes ya and I wants ya” because historically that has been where disaster has struck for me. I may say yes if I really had it bad for them prior to them approaching me. But if they weren’t on my romantic radar prior, it was for a reason.
The bold is made up. Not to mention thinking the one who initiated the first date will work 10 times harder in the relationship. Historically human pairings were arranged by family members. There was no natural hunting energy to find a mate. It is creepy to think of asking someone out as hunting/predatory unless of course the only motive is sex.
That said some men may be more assertive (testosterone), but it certainly is not universal.
Disagree on 2 out of 3 points you are making. Men are natural hunters, as evidenced by facts in evolutionary biology, simply because men have always been hunters. I can tell you first hand that most men enjoy the chase and some hold it as their only interest. Men ARE more assertive, confrontational and aggressive, because they have much higher levels of testosterone than women. It is as universal as it gets.
Disagree on 2 out of 3 points you are making. Men are natural hunters, as evidenced by facts in evolutionary biology, simply because men have always been hunters. I can tell you first hand that most men enjoy the chase and some hold it as their only interest. Men ARE more assertive, confrontational and aggressive, because they have much higher levels of testosterone than women. It is as universal as it gets.
Yeah, except for the scads of shy guys. This may come as a shock to you, but not all men are the same.
Disagree on 2 out of 3 points you are making. Men are natural hunters, as evidenced by facts in evolutionary biology, simply because men have always been hunters. I can tell you first hand that most men enjoy the chase and some hold it as their only interest. Men ARE more assertive, confrontational and aggressive, because they have much higher levels of testosterone than women. It is as universal as it gets.
Yes, the males of almost all mammals are aggressive and territorial by nature, female mammals are as well just not to the same extent.
Males of most species are aggressive often with their own male offspring.
Human babies are so fragile and take so long to mature, unlike other species, it naturally fell to the males to provide food for the family which for hundreds of thousands of years meant hunting.
We might have evolved but basic instinct (ooo good title for a movie) remains within.
Marriages arranged by family happen in highly structured societies with institutions of inheritance, currency, government, social class and more.
They represent a tiny portion of overall marriage customs in the vast human experience. The main function of arranged marriage was to avoid the emotions and natural instincts of people and to bring a more controlled thoughtful approach to the institution of marriage.
Referring to the "mating game" as "hunting" is appropriate as they have a lot of similarities, for women as well as men.
I've had many a girlfriend decide on a guy and go for it. What constitutes the "first move" is up for debate though. it doesn't usually involve going up to a guy and asking him out.
I can understand your embarrassment about asking taken men. So, before asking people for a date, just ask directly if they are single or not. If they say they are single, them if you want to ask them out, ask them out. When you ask if they are single, let them know you are not trying to be nosy but you have a valid reason to ask them.
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