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So we ARE accusing this grandmother of sexual abuse. I figured the thread would get around to that!
She said no such thing. You were just snarky to me, and now you are making horrendous allegations which make no sense.
This is clearly touching a nerve for you. Allow the adult to make his own decisions regarding his grandma, otherwise being a pushy busy body causing strife over a perceived offence never results in good relations in a family.
Kids can tell the difference between a hug from grandma and sexual abuse.
I suggest that you educate yourself on child sexual abuse because that is one of the most ignorant statements I’ve read on this forum and I have been around for a while.
FWIW, as far as fending off unwanted hugs/kisses, I learned a little deflection that has helped quite a bit. If someone I didn't particularly want an embrace from swooped in too close or invaded my personal space, I'd simply take a step or two back or partially turn my shoulder to them. If I happened to be carrying something; glass, plate, sweater, I'd raise it between us. Be consistent. For most socially observant people that's body language for "please don't touch me" and it won't be so obvious it embarrasses them. It might not be enough to fend off a sloppy drunk grandmother but worth trying.
Last edited by Parnassia; 05-15-2024 at 06:52 PM..
when she randomly tries to hold me hand, pet my arm, hug me, all like I'm a child...She has continued to do these things throughout the years, not respecting my boundaries...I have continued to pull away more and more while trying to be cordial.
... multiple family members have issues with her as well
...
This past weekend, at a family event, she got drunk, and started professing how much she adores me, which I just tried to ignore because I don't like when she does that. She then got up from her seat at dinner and came over to me basically begging for a hug.
...
I guess with my father, it might be best to tell him that this is why I've acted this way towards his mother all these years, but I'm not sure he'll understand that I feel like she needs my energy and attention and that makes me withdraw.
As someone who grew up with a touchy-feely grandmother who also told stories, in addition to pointing out to everyone nearby how fat I was getting or how ugly my new hair color was, I, too, pushed back and stopped allowing her to get close to me, to the point every time I did see her she would get whiny and point it out, to which I would retort, "This is why we are no longer close. You are clingy, you criticize me in front of everyone, and you won't respect my boundaries. I'm a grown adult who no longer has to accept it." She always chose to ignore it as if I never said a word. (Only later did I realize she was a classic narcissist who always had to have attention but nothing that went wrong was ever her fault.)
I guess all you can do is explain to your father as you've said, and frankly, just stop going to family affairs where you know your grandmother will be there. Once my parents figured out that I would no longer be in attendance, they decided not to push back anymore because they missed me.
All of that said, what are the issues the rest of the family has with her? Can you not point that out to your dad?
Do you want a drunk relative slobbering and hanging all over you?
Who said anything about slobbering and hanging all over him? It was a simple hug, you were the one to compare it to sexual assault and it's not even close to sexual assault, by saying " when you teach children that adults get to touch you whether you like it or not then you are setting them up to be taken advantage of". Then you proceeded to bring up your own personal sexual assault experience to further compare the 2 situations that were not at all alike.
OP, you've done nothing wrong, nobody has the right to tell you how to feel. Your grandmother is wrong for continually making you uncomfortable.
It has nothing to do with drinking, every thing to do with a grown woman ignoring boundaries in order to get what she wants.
Too many people treat older people like spoiled children and think because they're a certain age we should accept jerky behavior. No.
I don't care how old you are, act like a considerate adult. At that age they should know better. Talk to your father ... if he doesn't want to accept how you feel, he'll get over it. Talk to your grandmother (if you haven't already) and tell her it makes you uncomfortable.
Other than that, you sound like a good grandson.
Note: Not saying your grandmom is, but young jerks usually become old jerks.
I knew you would be here to voice this opinion given how you refuse to give your own mother a hug when it was requested. I have no idea how you do not see how hurtful this is to the people who love you more than anyone in the world.
I have no idea how you do not see how hurtful this is to the people who love you more than anyone in the world.
As a mother and grandmother, I can tell when those people whom I love dearly do not want to be hugged for whatever reason at that chosen time, so I back off and continue the conversation. It's gross to force yourself on someone just because you love them. That gives us no special rights whatsoever.
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