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Sounds like teenage rebellion. 34 is a little old for that, but it seems kids don't grow up as fast as they used to -- or at all -- these days. I blame technology.
I lost my maternal grandmother back in 2019, and she was in the moderate stages of dementia at the time. I was very close to her throughout my life, including living with her while I was away at college. Watching her suffer from dementia pushed me a little away from her, and it's something I regret every single. The pain was more my selfishness and inability to cope with losing her slowly to a horrible illness rather than anything to do with her.
I am not particularly touchy-feely but my grandma was. I always "tolerated" all the hugs and kisses and "I love yous". Now, what I would give for one more moment of having to "tolerate" her, while she held my head in her lap and stroked my hair.
I can't imagine denying a hug from my grandmother, even as an adult, nor getting upset when she tells stories of my childhood. Your grandmother's actions strike me as, well... grandmotherly, and I don't see them as being particularly out of bounds. But, your boundaries are your boundaries for whatever reason; and if she won't respect them, you're within your rights to distance yourself from her.
You'll have to decide which price to pay: giving in on your boundaries to humor an affectionate and well-meaning but patronizing grandmother, or widening a family rift by holding the line on those boundaries. I'm not going to suggest which is the right or wrong answer, only that you're not likely to escape having to choose one or the other.
Does she know your boundaries? Have you shared with her that you are not a huggy type type person, that you don’t like her sharing stories in front of you ect. People often say they have boundaries but don’t really share them . What are the chosen consequences you do when someone crosses a boundary? For instance when she shares a story about you do you state you wish she didn’t do that , or remove yourself , or do you sit there resenting it. Have you to,d her you are not comfortable with hand holding?
Just trying to ignore something is not setting a boundary if there isn’t a follow up action on your part.
Here’s the thing , if you have clearly stated to someone you are not comfortable with them trying to hold your hand and THEN they ignore that you have every right to state they are not respecting your feelings and then excuse yourself and leave.
OP: For some reason you dislike and have no respect for your grandmother. I think that is the issue. I don't know a solution other than to avoid her. I wonder why she loves you so much.
OP, you've done nothing wrong, nobody has the right to tell you how to feel. Your grandmother is wrong for continually making you uncomfortable.
It has nothing to do with drinking, every thing to do with a grown woman ignoring boundaries in order to get what she wants.
Too many people treat older people like spoiled children and think because they're a certain age we should accept jerky behavior. No.
I don't care how old you are, act like a considerate adult. At that age they should know better. Talk to your father ... if he doesn't want to accept how you feel, he'll get over it. Talk to your grandmother (if you haven't already) and tell her it makes you uncomfortable.
Other than that, you sound like a good grandson.
Note: Not saying your grandmom is, but young jerks usually become old jerks.
OP, you've done nothing wrong, nobody has the right to tell you how to feel. Your grandmother is wrong for continually making you uncomfortable.
It has nothing to do with drinking, every thing to do with a grown woman ignoring boundaries in order to get what she wants.
Too many people treat older people like spoiled children and think because they're a certain age we should accept jerky behavior. No.
I don't care how old you are, act like a considerate adult. At that age they should know better. Talk to your father ... if he doesn't want to accept how you feel, he'll get over it. Talk to your grandmother (if you haven't already) and tell her it makes you uncomfortable.
Other than that, you sound like a good grandson.
Note: Not saying your grandmom is, but young jerks usually become old jerks.
What makes him "sound like a good grandson?" I would be traumatized if I had such an inconsiderate, cold grandson.
OP: For some reason you dislike and have no respect for your grandmother. I think that is the issue. I don't know a solution other than to avoid her. I wonder why she loves you so much.
What makes him "sound like a good grandson?" I would be traumatized if I had such an inconsiderate, cold grandson.
I won't sit here and say I'm the best grandson in the world but I don't think I'm the worst either.
I call for birthdays and holidays.
Get her flowers and cards for birthday and Mother's Day.
I engage in some conversation with her at family gatherings.
I give her a hug and kiss on the cheek hello and goodbye.
Won't win me any awards, but it's not like I refuse to acknowledge her existence or curse at her or anything like that.
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