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Sounds like you never had to deal withe "the funny uncle " or the teacher who touches students inappropriately or the next door neighbor who insisted you sit on his lap.
Nice for you..
Maybe they have, you just never know. Some people are pretty twisted to justify that adults have to be compelled to hug people they chose not to hug. It's no one's business, these busy bodies need humbling.
Sounds like you never had to deal withe "the funny uncle " or the teacher who touches students inappropriately or the next door neighbor who insisted you sit on his lap.
Nice for you..
So we ARE accusing this grandmother of sexual abuse. I figured the thread would get around to that!
So we ARE accusing this grandmother of sexual abuse. I figured the thread would get around to that!
Nope. Not at all. But when you teach children that adults get to touch you whether you like it or not then you are setting them up to be taken advantage of.
In what world are a grandmother's hug and sexual molestation one and the same?
Sure, I sometimes squirmed as a kid when my grandmother wanted to give me a hug and a kiss, but that was my own typical little kid moodiness.
The next day I might be jumping on her lap looking for a hug and a piece of candy that she always had ready in her purse.
And my grandmother was never the one who insisted that I grant her a hug. It was my parents who did, embarassed by my rudeness and knowing of course that there was nothing wrong with giving gramdma a hug. Somehow I survived and looking back, I now know they were both giving a lot more than just hugs. There was a lot of free child care, gifts and financial support given to our family. They deserved every hug they got.
Nope. Not at all. But when you teach children that adults get to touch you whether you like it or not then you are setting them up to be taken advantage of.
In what world are a grandmother's hug and sexual molestation one and the same?
Sure, I sometimes squirmed as a kid when my grandmother wanted to give me a hug and a kiss, but that was my own typical little kid moodiness.
The next day I might be jumping on her lap looking for a hug and a piece of candy that she always had ready in her purse.
And my grandmother was never the one who insisted that I grant her a hug. It was my parents who did, embarassed by my rudeness and knowing of course that there was nothing wrong with giving gramdma a hug. Somehow I survived and looking back, I now know they were both giving a lot more than just hugs. There was a lot of free child care, gifts and financial support given to our family. They deserved every hug they got.
You know what? I survived too. I survived having an authoritarian father who beat it into us to be nice, submissive, obedient, quiet children. I survived being assaulted by a dentist at 5 years of age. I survived my sexual molester next door neighbor who molested me from the ages of 6 to 8. I survived the great uncle who would insist on hugging me with one hand on my breast. I survived the cousin who liked to hug me the same way.
I survived the co-worker in my 20s that used to stand behind me so close
I could feel his penis pressed up to my butt...and I was afraid of him but I never told on him. (I did start having friends walk me to my car though.)
If your dad felt it was enough to warrant a call and a lecture your behavior sounds pretty bad.
She got up from the table to give her grandson a hug, there is no rule to say when it is appropriate for a grandmother to want to express her love for her grandchild. And you denied her that in front of everyone which no doubt created an awkward moment for everyone.
That's pretty unforgivable IMO. God forbid a grandmother wants a hug and tells the world how much she adores her grandson. That's what grandmothers do.
In what world are a grandmother's hug and sexual molestation one and the same?
Sure, I sometimes squirmed as a kid when my grandmother wanted to give me a hug and a kiss, but that was my own typical little kid moodiness.
The next day I might be jumping on her lap looking for a hug and a piece of candy that she always had ready in her purse.
And my grandmother was never the one who insisted that I grant her a hug. It was my parents who did, embarassed by my rudeness and knowing of course that there was nothing wrong with giving gramdma a hug. Somehow I survived and looking back, I now know they were both giving a lot more than just hugs. There was a lot of free child care, gifts and financial support given to our family. They deserved every hug they got.
It's removing a person's autonomy. It's teaching children that they must ignore their instincts, endure what makes them uncomfortable because it's a family member, an elder, a friend of the family, an authority figure.
Teaching them that their "no" doesn't matter.
Do you know that more than 90% of abusers are people children know, love and trust? That 30-40% of victims are abused by a family member. 50% are abused by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.
So if grandma, grandpa, uncle eddie, cousin mark, the family friend, or coach billy turns out to be a predator - well, it's been drilled into you that it's rude to refuse them. You've been taught that you have to accept them touching you even when it makes you uncomfortable.
That is why it is important to empower children and adults to have a voice, a choice in who touches them and whom they touch.
If your dad felt it was enough to warrant a call and a lecture your behavior sounds pretty bad.
She got up from the table to give her grandson a hug, there is no rule to say when it is appropriate for a grandmother to want to express her love for her grandchild. And you denied her that in front of everyone which no doubt created an awkward moment for everyone.
That's pretty unforgivable IMO. God forbid a grandmother wants a hug and tells the world how much she adores her grandson. That's what grandmothers do.
It's removing a person's autonomy. It's teaching children that they must ignore their instincts, endure what makes them uncomfortable because it's a family member, an elder, a friend of the family, an authority figure.
Teaching them that their "no" doesn't matter.
Do you know that more than 90% of abusers are people children know, love and trust? That 30-40% of victims are abused by a family member. 50% are abused by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.
So if grandma, grandpa, uncle eddie, cousin mark, the family friend, or coach billy turns out to be a predator - well, it's been drilled into you that it's rude to refuse them. You've been taught that you have to accept them touching you even when it makes you uncomfortable.
That is why it is important to empower children and adults to have a voice, a choice in who touches them and whom they touch.
Kids can tell the difference between a hug from grandma and sexual abuse.
At 5 years old when my parents said "give grandma a kiss good-bye", I did not interpret that as "allow anyone to touch you in whatever way they want".
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