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So she's been in relationships and still does those things with you, going on trips, hanging out, card games, arms around you, snuggle, etc.....
That's very odd for a woman to do when in a relationship with another man.
Conveniently, she has had the tendency to cease or greatly reduce contact with me whenever she became exclusive with someone. This is why I think I'm simply being used for boyfriend-like companionship until she finds the next dude to fill in the void.
What? did you read the same OP as I did? she is his girlfriend in every way except for bumping nasties.
Precisely. And as I just posted above, she tends to back away whenever a guy comes into her life. She has even admitted to me that she has been disillusioned by all of her previous failed relationships and that she may be better off getting her "relationship needs" met through close platonic friendships instead.
What? did you read the same OP as I did? she is his girlfriend in every way except for bumping nasties.
Considering that sex is an expected part of a relationship (those in a relationship who have never had sex are certainly not the norm), that doesn't sound like a girlfriend in any sense of the word IMO.
..... she's been keeping me friendzoned all these years to extract the benefits of being in a relationship with me without having to confront the possibility of physical intimacy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSykes
Conveniently, she has had the tendency to cease or greatly reduce contact with me whenever she became exclusive with someone. ....... I'm simply being used for boyfriend-like companionship until she finds the next dude to fill in the void.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSykes
......She has even admitted to me that she has been disillusioned by all of her previous failed relationships and that she may be better off getting her "relationship needs" met through close platonic friendships instead.
It sounds like you've already got it all figured out after 15 years of platonic friendship. You're just friends with each other and you can't expect for more than that with her. She likes you for platonic friendship and companionship to fill in the void of her loneliness in between her relationships with other men that she gets involved with but otherwise there's no chemistry there between you and she's just not into you for intimacy and when she tries it with other men that doesn't work out for her either. So then she comes back to you, her true-blue friend who accepts her when she comes back to you and who doesn't make any demands of her.
I don't see anything wrong with the relationship the way it is if you are both willing to be friends and companions with each other and you recognize that a more intimate and committed relationship isn't going to happen. If this situation has already been going on like this for 15 years that means you both already have a long-standing mutual "understanding" with each other, and you're both there for each other when either one of you isn't involved with another significant other.
Neither one of you is using or taking advantage of each other. You are both cooperatively enabling the platonic friendship to continue the way it has been happening. You have been letting it happen just as much as she's been letting it happen so I think that no blame of using or being used can be attached to her or to you. No problems, it's all normal and I don't see any reason why you should stop being friends if you can't be lovers.
What I want to know is whether or not you have been getting involved in your own close relationships with other people during the past 15 years, and if you haven't then why not, what is stopping you from developing other relationships? Surely you haven't been hanging in there for 15 years being a lonely wall flower sitting on the side lines waiting for your platonic friend to call you and hoping that she is finally going to change her mind about you and become fully committed to you.
It sounds like you've already got it all figured out after 15 years of platonic friendship. You're just friends with each other and you can't expect for more than that with her. She likes you for platonic friendship and companionship to fill in the void of her loneliness in between her relationships with other men that she gets involved with but otherwise there's no chemistry there between you and she's just not into you for intimacy and when she tries it with other men that doesn't work out for her either. So then she comes back to you, her true-blue friend who accepts her when she comes back to you and who doesn't make any demands of her.
I don't see anything wrong with the relationship the way it is if you are both willing to be friends and companions with each other and you recognize that a more intimate and committed relationship isn't going to happen. If this situation has already been going on like this for 15 years that means you both already have a long-standing mutual "understanding" with each other, and you're both there for each other when either one of you isn't involved with another significant other.
Neither one of you is using or taking advantage of each other. You are both cooperatively enabling the platonic friendship to continue the way it has been happening. You have been letting it happen just as much as she's been letting it happen so I think that no blame of using or being used can be attached to her or to you. No problems, it's all normal and I don't see any reason why you should stop being friends if you can't be lovers.
What I want to know is whether or not you have been getting involved in your own close relationships with other people during the past 15 years, and if you haven't then why not, what is stopping you from developing other relationships? Surely you haven't been hanging in there for 15 years being a lonely wall flower sitting on the side lines waiting for your platonic friend to call you and hoping that she is finally going to change her mind about you and become fully committed to you.
I have had no serious relationships with other people while I have been friends with her. Been close a couple of times, though. As someone who has been involuntarily single for a great many years, I would say that it's probably a combination of my personality and physical traits that tend to keep me from finding a romantic companion. I probably lack the proper set of "ingredients" necessary for the right kind of chemistry to take place. The overwhelming majority of women I've been interested in romantically over the years have only seen me as a casual friend or even less. So it's not that I have a disagreeable temperament, just one that doesn't really command romantic interest and arousal.
Back to being friends with an attached man for a moment: if I were friends with an attached man AND his wife or girlfriend, I would describe that as being friends with a COUPLE rather than a man. Also, the question wasn't answered. Do you hang out one-on-one alone with this man: going places, doing things, traveling, even showing affection? I doubt it...
Conveniently, she has had the tendency to cease or greatly reduce contact with me whenever she became exclusive with someone. This is why I think I'm simply being used for boyfriend-like companionship until she finds the next dude to fill in the void.
That's not unusual in any friendship, though. My own female friends might become scarce when they start seeing someone new. That doesn't mean there were ulterior motives, just that they're busy elsewhere. Your guy friends likely do the same.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 03-26-2024 at 06:35 AM..
I have had no serious relationships with other people while I have been friends with her. Been close a couple of times, though. As someone who has been involuntarily single for a great many years, I would say that it's probably a combination of my personality and physical traits that tend to keep me from finding a romantic companion. I probably lack the proper set of "ingredients" necessary for the right kind of chemistry to take place. The overwhelming majority of women I've been interested in romantically over the years have only seen me as a casual friend or even less. So it's not that I have a disagreeable temperament, just one that doesn't really command romantic interest and arousal.
She has been around long enough now it is time to pay the piper?
Back to being friends with an attached man for a moment: if I were friends with an attached man AND his wife or girlfriend, I would describe that as being friends with a COUPLE rather than a man. Also, the question wasn't answered. Do you hang out one-on-one alone with this man: going places, doing things, traveling, even showing affection? I doubt it...
OK, I'll answer the question FWIW. It is only worth how it applies to me, no one else. That's the best I can do. My friendships with now-married men were in place long before they met their wives. The friendships I have with the men are different than the friendships I have with their spouses. They're deeper and based on a lot more shared history for one thing. My friendship with the spouse is a lot more superficial, partially because I simply don't know them to the same degree. I don't consider what we have a couple friendship. Just because it isn't does not mean I don't know where the boundaries between friendship and romantic love lie. Of course I know. I can spend time alone with these husbands (sharing time or experiences, having one as a houseguest, giving a hug, casual kiss on the cheek) without jeopardizing their marriages. Their marriages are secure and that's where trust comes in. These couples and I trust each other. Without trust, what do you have? Nothing. Not even friendship.
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