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As I'm sure you know, being a parent is difficult, and many of us are making it up as we go along--including myself.
I realize that my advice will be unpopular, but if you are very concerned and your grandchild truly is quite obese, perhaps you could contact (anonymously) Child Protective Services in her parents' area. An authority figure might help the parents understand the serious consequences of being overweight so early in life.
"Allowing" children to become obese is a form of child abuse, in the form of neglect (even if it is benign neglect). It is possible that her parents honestly do not understand the importance of good health habits. Being obese as a child sets her up for so many health issues: early puberty (and possibly early sexualization), fertility issues, cancers, heart disease, diabetes, etc... Not to mention the psychological affects of teasing.
I work for a pharmaceutical company designing drugs to treat many of the aforementioned conditions. Drugs can have side effects; losing an appropriate amount of weight does not (at least none that I am aware of). It breaks my heart reviewing data regarding the efficacy of diabetes, BP, and cholesterol medications on children. Only in rare circumstances should a child be on these medications. These drugs are generally needed as we age and our bodies are not as efficient. A child should not have the organs of a middle-aged person.
I know that eating healthy is time consuming and sometimes costly. We eat out only once a month at most, and cook all our other meals from scratch. Once you get a few standard meals on the menu, it really is not that difficult. My wife and I both have busy schedules, but we make the time and effort to ensure that we all eat well and exercise. There is a plethora of information on the internet about how to feed a family well-balanced and affordable meals.
Parents make too many excuses for why they can't feed their children healthy meals and for why exercise is impossible. The effort you put into your children's' health now, will hopefully offer a lifetime of benefits. We all say we want the best for our kids, so then give your kids the best.
My friend has a son that is in the 5th grade and he is overweight by about 20-30 pounds. Recently, she asked if I could watch him and his younger siblings for about an hour. I observed the behavior differences between the kids. The younger sibs (perfect weight) grabbed a soccer ball and played outside. The overweight boy wanted to show me his Wii game. I thought the demonstration would be brief but I could not get him off that thing. He ended up playing Wii games (sitting) the whole hour.
He parents are very concerned. They told me he has lost about 10 pounds in the last couple months. They were being more aware of portion control with his meals and he goes on walks with his dad. I think there is more to this though. He seems like he has low self esteem and depression which he may have been born with. Maybe we have a generation of kids that struggle with insecurities and depression. Or laziness
I adore my granddaughter and I hate to see her miserable and unhealthy. Her obesity is not her fault. Her mother equates food with love and nags her daughter to clean her plate even when she says she's full. She bribes her with chocolate bars. Favorite food, which she eats frequently - macaroni and cheese.
I don't know if I can report them - that would be very hard.
I will see them at xmas, and if my dil says one more time that her daughter is solid, I'm going to lose it! She's not solid, it's all fat. Last xmas we went to a kids museum and they had a scale that my 10 year old niece got on, then my 3 year old granddaughter got on. The niece was just a couple of pounds more (and is very tall). My dil was shocked but nothing changed.
I adore my granddaughter and I hate to see her miserable and unhealthy. Her obesity is not her fault. Her mother equates food with love and nags her daughter to clean her plate even when she says she's full. She bribes her with chocolate bars. Favorite food, which she eats frequently - macaroni and cheese..
I think that is the worst thing a parent can do is make their child eat everything on their plate. For a parent to determine when the child is full enough is wrong. I have taught my kids that it is more lady like (i have girls) to leave a bit of food on your plate. IMO, people in my family aren't obese because of this.
Mac and cheese with some veggies/fruit once in awhile is okay but not on a regular basis.
If the parents are overweight they probably have unhealthy food in the house and don't want to eat in front of the kids without sharing. Nagging them about it will probably make the situation worse. Reporting them for child abuse/neglect will likely alienate them forever. Is there anything you can do to help raise the parents' self esteem so that they will feel empowered to lose weight themselves? If they started eating healthy that would help the kids eat healthy as well. Again, I would encourage exercise by giving the kids lessons or attendance at a sports camp as a gift. If they develop a passion for a sport that could make a tremendous difference in their weight.
Last edited by Sandhillian; 11-02-2009 at 06:09 PM..
Reason: typo
Ugh, I know exactly how you feel, although the roles were reversed in my case. I was always under-weight however my mother was morbidly obese and still would be if I hadn't been 100% supportive and encouraging. She finally lost around 125 lbs. due to Bariatric surgery(gastric bypass). She is still overweight, she wouldn't be at all if she watched what she ate, but it is MUCH better and she was able to get off all the meds for diabetes, ect. The reason I mention all this is because I've been around a morbidly obese person, I feel that I have some insight. First off, there isn't anything you can do, I'm truly sorry. I've come to believe most morbid obesity is caused by an obsession with food, really much like a drug addict. Like an addict, they tend to be very sensitive and are often unwilling to change because that would mean giving up their drug, food. It's really like a psychological disorder. They must be willing to give up the comfort of food in order to break the cycle and lose weight. I think it makes them feel like good parents to over-feed because often food equals love, in their eyes. This will never change unless they experience a sea-change and realize the consequences of this behavior, unfortunately the child is along for the ride. Good luck, I hope things work out.
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