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A blind old man wandered into a bar and asked if anyone wanted to hear a blonde joke. The female bartender told him it was a lesbian bar and she was a blonde ex-roller derby star. She said the woman to his left was a MMA fighter who was blonde and the woman to his right was a self defense instructor and blonde. She then told the man that the two women at the table behind him were blonde and ex-cops.
Then she asked the old man, "Did you still want to tell your blonde joke?"
The old man said, "Well, not if I'm going to have to repeat it 5 times."
A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of them. Twice.”
The priest says, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?”
“Never Father, I’m Jewish.”
“So then, why are you telling me?”
“I’m telling everybody!”
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and
congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge
difference in people's lives."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'
I remember being in elementary school and mom would send me to walk down to the corner grocery store with $1 and I'd come back with 5 potatoes, a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, a hunk of cheese, and a dozen eggs.
You can't do that today.
Too many security cameras.
For a glass gallon milk get a quarter and come home with a pocket full of candy. For the regular 12 oz bottle get 1 or 2 items.
Wasn't a chain store but a little mom & pop corner store.
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