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As far as routine work goes that has procedures, many of which I tend to write up myself, that's not really the issue. My mgr has told me on more than one occassion that she has no interest in even hearing about routine work. There isn't much of a reason for her to expect me to do things a certain way in my research because, as with the nature of research, it's novel. I am better informed and have greater expertise than she does in my work, and that's part of the problem. I shared this with her on Wednesday, so hopefully this will be taken into consideration in the future.
Yea, as mentioned we set something like this up, which will start tomorrow. I'm still very nervous about our dialog this past week. Hopefully, I didn't shoot myself in the foot.
From your other posts-- I don't think you did. I think you may have felt very uncomfortable, but that is because it seems like you are not usually one that seeks out that kind of confrotation (from your posts).
Just try to have the dialogue before you get too bitter or down to not try and keep open a dialogue.
Solicit her feedback, solicit her help with making the decisions as to what is important versus what can wait, etc.
This person in your story-- could very well have been like that one girl who did get promoted. Or she could also be the teachers pet for the hiring manager-- but sometimes there is a very legitimate reason why some people move up the ranks and others just kind of stay in the same ole same ole
Sure. It was pretty random that I was speaking with this guy. Again, I have no idea how things go in their arena of the company. What I did take a way from that meeting (unrelated) is that my co's definitions of titles is pretty screwy, which is one of the reasons I was at that meeting.
From your other posts-- I don't think you did. I think you may have felt very uncomfortable, but that is because it seems like you are not usually one that seeks out that kind of confrotation (from your posts).
This is true. I avoid it at work at all costs. I got very upset at one point and had to excuse myself (ghhhaaddd!). She did try to make me feel better, tho, and said she did the same in front of her boss lol. Still, I'm such a sensitive person. I can't stand it.
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Just try to have the dialogue before you get too bitter or down to not try and keep open a dialogue.
Solicit her feedback, solicit her help with making the decisions as to what is important versus what can wait, etc.
She did state that she wants to be available to me. Eh, it's a nice gesture, but in the past I have gone to her and received "I don't know. You're going to have seek someone out who does". That bothers me, but that's how it is. Again, if I stay and when I begin my next project, I'm choosing it and I will make sure it's within her area of expertise. She let me know she's game for that.
This is true. I avoid it at work at all costs. I got very upset at one point and had to excuse myself (ghhhaaddd!). She did try to make me feel better, tho, and said she did the same in front of her boss lol. Still, I'm such a sensitive person. I can't stand it.
She did state that she wants to be available to me. Eh, it's a nice gesture, but in the past I have gone to her and received "I don't know. You're going to have seek someone out who does". That bothers me, but that's how it is. Again, if I stay and when I begin my next project, I'm choosing it and I will make sure it's within her area of expertise. She let me know she's game for that.
Hang in there Braunwyn--
seriously check your private messages. I sent you a book suggestion that may help. Maybe your manager will even read it. My whole organization has for the most part.
Basically, it talks about how we should not try to make well rounded people-- we should capitalize on the strengths people bring to the table and it is a proponent that organizations should really try to manage folks according to their strengths.
I.e. sure your kid may not be a math genius-- and granted he needs to learn a bit of math and not let his failure in math prevent his potential, but dont try to force him to a brialliant mathmatecian when that is not his calling.
It does and thanks. I agree. I would rather stay where I am to be honest. I like the job itself. But, I am very sensitive and I don't know if I'll be able to get past the negative interactions. I wish I could eliminate that part of my personality.
Yeah I am hyper-sensitive as well and I think people like you and I are going to have to learn one way or another how to develop a thicker shell around ourselves when we're at work ... because it's not ever going to go away. There will always be someone at your workplace that will really test your limits on an emotional level. Always try to flip the equation around and say how can this benefit me. By constantly being tested like this, maybe over time I can become someone who can handle himself/herself better around these situations and that will be something you will be so glad to finally develop. It's just like anything else in life. You have to constantly push yourself and test your limits if you want to get closer to the things you want in life.
I know I'm straying away from the details of your situation, but I think from a higher level perspective, you're going to have to start learning how to develop a thick enough shell to not have to excuse yourself from a meeting for example. Believe me, I'm extremely sensitive myself and constantly have to remind myself that I may be overreacting inside.
seriously check your private messages. I sent you a book suggestion that may help. Maybe your manager will even read it. My whole organization has for the most part.
Basically, it talks about how we should not try to make well rounded people-- we should capitalize on the strengths people bring to the table and it is a proponent that organizations should really try to manage folks according to their strengths.
I.e. sure your kid may not be a math genius-- and granted he needs to learn a bit of math and not let his failure in math prevent his potential, but dont try to force him to a brialliant mathmatecian when that is not his calling.
I wish she would read it. Again, thanks for the advice.
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Originally Posted by Caldus
Yeah I am hyper-sensitive as well and I think people like you and I are going to have to learn one way or another how to develop a thicker shell around ourselves when we're at work ... because it's not ever going to go away. There will always be someone at your workplace that will really test your limits on an emotional level. Always try to flip the equation around and say how can this benefit me. By constantly being tested like this, maybe over time I can become someone who can handle himself/herself better around these situations and that will be something you will be so glad to finally develop. It's just like anything else in life. You have to constantly push yourself and test your limits if you want to get closer to the things you want in life.
Yes, so true. It's not going away and a thicker skin is a must. I'm hoping/trying to develop it. As an aside, part of my problem is that my twin brother was killed a few months ago. Ever since then I've been more sensitive than normal. I've never cried at work before. It's been a hard few months.
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I know I'm straying away from the details of your situation, but I think from a higher level perspective, you're going to have to start learning how to develop a thick enough shell to not have to excuse yourself from a meeting for example. Believe me, I'm extremely sensitive myself and constantly have to remind myself that I may be overreacting inside.
Hopefully this was the first and last time. Really, I feel like such an as$. She knows this, too.
I am sorry to hear it Braunwyn. You have every right to be emotional even if it is more than usual right now.
Thanks. That's the thing about work, life goes on regardless of what happens. We have to wear the professional face. I think I might have a little PTS going on. He died in my arms, which took a good 7 hours, and I breathed in his last breaths. etc - very dramatic. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it left me a bit off.
I've had this boss before and here's how I handled it.
After every meeting, I sent her an email outlining whatever she had requested I do. That gave both of us a written record she could choose to clarify if I made a mistake. Then when whatever I had been asked to do was complete, I would send her an email that included a copy of the original email.
No more misunderstandings. I just had to change to accommodate her work style. And most important, I had a written record of her requests and knew what was expected. I protected both of us.
That's a good idea, yellowsnow. I went to speak with her late afternoon about an issue and we ran into the problem I mentioned earlier about added tasks that cuts into my time. I wanted to email her about it, or at least say something, but I was so tired. I took my computer home with me tonight to work on it at home, but I think I'm going to crash in a few so I'm not sure when it will get done. If I can't tackle it tomorrow, I'm going to email her.
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