Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I couldn't finish reading this - if all this is happening, how is he able to work and not bring attention on himself from poor performance? If his performance is not getting noticed then I don't know why you would tell your boss? This makes no sense and the details you give are not even relevant except it certainly makes for a juicy story. If you want to get him help, do so but my advice is to MYOB. And there is certainly no reason to involve people at his work. What do you REALLY want to accomplish here? Call the authorities, get him into rehab, or let him hit bottom on his own, but don't tell his boss.
This sounds more like a psychotic disorder being self-medicated with alcohol--not DTs. As a nurse, I have seen patients withdrawing from alcohol (true delirium tremens) & other drugs. Sometimes delusional & potentially fatal with seizures, but not ongoing for weeks on end. It's actually somewhat rare, even among hardcore alcoholics.
If this story is even true, which I doubt, I also doubt the employer is unaware.
What I also don't understand is why an adult would feel the need to "tell the Boss about an alcoholic coworker".
I vote for fake, not even well researched, fiction.
Unless this guy is an airline pilot or some job where being a hardcore drunk can affect the public safety then the OP should keep his snout out of other people's business.
This sounds more like a psychotic disorder being self-medicated with alcohol--not DTs. As a nurse, I have seen patients withdrawing from alcohol (true delirium tremens) & other drugs. Sometimes delusional & potentially fatal with seizures, but not ongoing for weeks on end. It's actually somewhat rare, even among hardcore alcoholics.
If this story is even true, which I doubt, I also doubt the employer is unaware.
What I also don't understand is why an adult would feel the need to "tell the Boss about an alcoholic coworker".
I vote for fake, not even well researched, fiction.
Yes, if this is true. That's what I thought when I read it. It sounds as if this person is medicating himself with alcohol because of mental illness. However, it is so fantastic, it is hard to believe.
This sounds more like a psychotic disorder being self-medicated with alcohol--not DTs. As a nurse, I have seen patients withdrawing from alcohol (true delirium tremens) & other drugs. Sometimes delusional & potentially fatal with seizures, but not ongoing for weeks on end. It's actually somewhat rare, even among hardcore alcoholics.
If this story is even true, which I doubt, I also doubt the employer is unaware.
What I also don't understand is why an adult would feel the need to "tell the Boss about an alcoholic coworker".
I vote for fake, not even well researched, fiction.
First, compartmentalize. Whatever happens at work needs to be addressed the same way you would address it if it were any other coworker, if it's affecting work. Whatever happens outside of work does not pertain to work and it's not the boss's business.
Then, set up boundaries. You are not responsible for his behavior nor are you responsible for his recovery. With all this help, you risk becoming an enabler. Setting limits could be the best thing you could do for this fellow.
So I have an alcoholic coworker, who I also considered a friend.
Considered.
His alcoholism is very advanced. He had delerium tremens a year ago, before I met him, when he lived in a different part of the country. I didn't even know what that was before I met him. Now I know that it is like really violent schizophrenia caused by extreme drinking, is potentially fatal, and can be treated with valium.
Every time he goes through withdrawal, he revisits this episode, and there was just so much unbelievable and intense **** going on in his head that I couldn't keep track-- all of it was horrifying. He heard voices connected to youtube videos that were informing him of people who wanted to arrest him, enslave him, had molested him, were connected to the people around him. It started one evening after he had been drinking for weeks on end, and was watching a youtube video. The voice in the video told him that a van outside was part of some sort of surveillance operation, so he attacked it... and then took off for 3 entire weeks. I don't know if he slept at all during this time.
He became convinced that his then-employers were part of a sex slave ring... they had stolen his ID, had turned him into a prostitute, and his girlfriend was one of their clients. He began constantly moving in a state of total mania, spending heaps of money, trying to get out of the country, and living in hell. He travelled hundreds of miles by taxi, during which time he pulled a knife on a taxi driver, threw money out the window, thought he was being followed/watched at all times, and finally believed he had raped and murdered a child before he tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. I guess a taxi driver stopped him. I REALLY hope that he didn't actually do it... if you met him, you wouldn't think he was the type, but then again, with some of the things I know about him now that I didn't know then, I can't be so sure.
At the end of the 3 weeks, they found him living on the streets in another city. I don't know how they found him exactly-- I guess he called his employer, or maybe he tried to kill himself or attacked someone before 4 cops grabbed him and took him in. I guess they knew what they were dealing with, and managed to calm him down. He wasn't arrested or anything.
He has told me that before I knew him, he would attend sex clubs on a regular basis, and some of the things he told me about the people in these clubs brought tears to my eyes, just thinking about what it would take for someone to want to do those things to another person, or have them done to themselves. A lot of the people in the clubs were doctors with access to medical equipment... and they would use it on each other. There was some sort of performance involving blood that left me more horrified and sad than I have been in quite some time. I can't even imagine what actually seeing this would do to someone psychologically, or how damaged someone would have to be to go to one of these places. I know he was once into suspension-- putting hooks into your skin and dangling from cables... and was once part of some kind of sex show involving that and other S and M stuff. But now he wants to turn it all around... except he can't.
He regularly needs to be consoled when he stops drinking because he hears voices that tell him horrible things, and he is terrified and weak and needy. There are male voices, female voices... and he can't always separate them from his own thoughts. Sometimes he can do it (he told me his strategy, but I forget it-- it didn't make a lot of sense), but I guess at other times they are too strong.
I don't have valium but I would give him vitamins and melatonin because it is all I have. He often goes for days without sleep. At one point, the voices told him that I was a recruiting agent for the sexual slavery ring that was trying to turn him into a prostitute.
He keeps asking me if someone is yelling outside, if I can hear a loudspeaker making an announcement, if I can hear music, etc. He won't tell me the content of the announcement-- I think because he is afraid of what it is saying. Actually, when he doesn't tell me what the voices are saying, that's when I know I should probably be worried. I have let him crash on my couch twice because he was afraid to be alone, but I stopped because it would keep me up into the night.
When drying out, he believes that some of our coworkers are out to get him, connected to the voices he heard during his episode... which makes him think it's going to happen again. He has disappeared before while we travelled with him to another city, leaving his phone behind (because he doesn't want to be traced? Is afraid of who might call?) but he managed to calm down and then I met him and we took a walk.
He remembers things that didn't happen, has trouble with faces (not all faces, just people he has met and should know, but doesn't interact with all the time), hears voices at work, his hands shake, he loses track of things, etc.
And just to make everyone extra freaked out-- I'm a teacher. Some of his delusions involve students, and yes, he hears voices while teaching. He told me that the voices said that some students were also sex slaves, but some worked for the organization.
Myself and other coworkers have confronted him multiple times, and every single time he promises he's going to turn himself around... but he keeps going back to alcohol over and over, and on top of that, he has become extremely unpleasant to be around. He is constantly pushing my and everyone else's buttons... he has a great talent for being able to irritate people. We've confronted him over and over about drinking... he just tells everyone he has the right to do whatever he wants with his own life-- if he wants to drink, he can drink.
I know that typing this out might make it seem incredibly obvious that I should tell someone, but at the same time I know that this could seriously wreck his career... and of course you have to worry if this sort of thing would do more harm than good. Of course, the alcoholism will also eventually ruin his career, so again... it's probably obvious.
The thing is, the biggest reason I'm going to the management is because we recently had an absolutely ridiculous argument that became heated. I had just gotten back from a run and my adrenaline was up and my building frustration boiled over. Now he won't accept my apology and won't apologize himself. Our coworkers unanimously took my side in the argument (he talked **** about me afterwards... I knew he would, so I just confronted everyone else about it and they told me they didn't care). So now he's isolated and angry at them for siding with me, and angry at me because his plan to make everyone hate me failed and I guess that in his mind this is my fault.
I don't even care about the argument. I did cut into him pretty hard about a lot of things in a really sarcastic and nasty way, attacking his teaching ability, his drinking problems, etc. so I get why he's pissed, but the alcoholism takes it to a whole other level. The tension is putting me on edge, but my biggest worry is about his drinking and how the animosity he has for me will work with the voices and delusions when he inevitably relapses. I mean, I was a recruiting agent for a sex slave ring when he didn't hate me... who knows what I'll become the next time? Will he feel justified in trying to kill me???
I've realized that I don't even know who this guy is... he has a lot of different personalities, depending on the situation, and he's unstable and fearless because of alcohol. Sometimes he's like this really open-minded teddy bear, sometimes he's a belligerent bully, sometimes he's this meek and damaged helpless creature, sometimes he's an aggressive maniac. It depends on if he's drunk, if he's quit drinking, how much he has had, and of course the situation. I swear to god so much of everyone's time and energy goes into worrying about this guy...
My coworkers are backing me up with my decision to go to the higher-ups, but I keep wondering if I'm just trying to convince myself things are worse than they are because I hate having to face this tension at work. I mean, he has never attacked me before... but he has been aggressive, belligerent, suicidal and apparently murderous with others... and then there's the whole delerium tremens thing and the totally messed up nature of his delusions.
It's a safety issue because of the kids, and I know some of you probably think I'm an idiot for not turning him in sooner... but it's really not so easy to potentially ruin your friend's career, and you can sort of tell yourself that because nothing has actually happened yet maybe it will be okay or it's not really that bad. You question yourself... and it wasn't just me, it was everyone. Nobody wants to actively deal with an alcoholic, because even though the answer seems simple, it's a lot of work and you also never know how other people are going to react.
Even though you know you're not 100% responsible for the consequences, you sometimes feel like you're effectively making life decisions for another person... and it's not the easiest thing in the world. Even now I feel guilty because I might just being doing this out of resentment/anger/frustration. But as I type all of this out over and over (I've discussed it with a few people), and realize just how ****ed up it is, I can't believe I didn't do anything sooner. I guess because I felt sorry for him, I have no experience with this kind of thing, no appreciation of how awful alcoholism is, and of course, because I had no idea just how messed up he was. I doubt I know the full story, but what I've heard is the stuff of nightmares.
I'm sure some parents out there are probably mortified, and you should be.
I am a 12 step member and have been for 11 1/2 years. I don't agree with telling his boss.
Your friend's alcoholic behavior is no surprise. We have all sunk to it. I'll tell you straight out.
Judging from your description, I am sorry to say that your friend is so far gone it is entirely possible he won't come back from it. The disease has progressed to end stages. Take it from experience, damage to the organs including the brain is irrevocable at that time and your friend is at that point. If he attempts to detox without medical supervision it is very dangerous\sudden death0that is why there are detox centers. As soon as possible, do your friend a miracle and call the 12 step programs central office (I cant say the name because it is anonymous}, tell them some of what has happened, and from there they will almost assuredly send sober people to his side. They will urge for detox and drive him there if he agrees. If he stays there a week to 10 days he must go directly to a prearranged bed in a treatment facility after, no stopping at home first. If he wants to see a doctor, that physician must must must be trained in addictions. GP Doctors for example don't get addictions instruction as part of their curriculum. I have put this down as briefly as possible.
There is no use trying to Google to check my accuracy. I have lived it. I got out just in time and it is a miracle.
I am a 12 step member and have been for 11 1/2 years. I don't agree with telling his boss.
Your friend's alcoholic behavior is no surprise. We have all sunk to it. I'll tell you straight out.
Judging from your description, I am sorry to say that your friend is so far gone it is entirely possible he won't come back from it. The disease has progressed to end stages. Take it from experience, damage to the organs including the brain is irrevocable at that time and your friend is at that point. If he attempts to detox without medical supervision it is very dangerous\sudden death0that is why there are detox centers. As soon as possible, do your friend a miracle and call the 12 step programs central office (I cant say the name because it is anonymous}, tell them some of what has happened, and from there they will almost assuredly send sober people to his side. They will urge for detox and drive him there if he agrees. If he stays there a week to 10 days he must go directly to a prearranged bed in a treatment facility after, no stopping at home first. If he wants to see a doctor, that physician must must must be trained in addictions. GP Doctors for example don't get addictions instruction as part of their curriculum. I have put this down as briefly as possible.
There is no use trying to Google to check my accuracy. I have lived it. I got out just in time and it is a miracle.
The problem is that we're in China.
I think it might be possible to call someone who will forcibly confine him, but then they will just let him out and nothing is accomplished.
We're not living in Beijing... it's a less developed part of a country that isn't so developed. It's very much like the wild west here-- we don't interact with the university administration regularly and they sort of leave us to our own devices most of the time. The westerners always tend to be each other's social network, because we're cut off from most of the world around us... but he has been weirding everyone out, asking bizarre questions.
Whenever he says ****ed up things to the Chinese, they assume he means something else and that their English isn't up to par. A lot of the time, they don't understand us at all and they cut us A LOT of slack. There are a lot of generalizations about our intelligence, our personalities, and how much we understand Chinese society and/or are capable of respecting its boundaries. Some, even most of his behavior is being chalked up to 'cultural differences'... they have this image of Americans as being loud and colorful and free, so it's hard for them to realize that he isn't just being a normal American. They know he has a drinking problem, but they don't know how serious it is... a lot of his drinking is done alone in his room.
He was in AA or some sort of program back in the States, but he quit and came here, despite his family telling him it was a bad idea. From what I understand, after his DTs episode, he was told to leave immediately (he worked for a very large corporation/school and they swept his 'episode' under the rug because of the potential PR nightmare that would ensue)... they basically packed his things for him and put him on a plane. But a few months later, he was back... in a better job.
There is such high demand for white people in China that recruiting agencies are faking credentials in order to get the spaces filled, and the visa offices don't care because they're probably being bribed.
On top of that, alcohol is extremely cheap and extremely easy to get, while help is simply not there. The Chinese tend to deny that problems exist, so things like psychiatrists and mental health professionals are reserved for extreme cases... but mostly people just don't talk about it.
I know some people are saying that he will lose his job and this is a serious matter, but the thing about this job is that they will hire ANYONE. All you need is a degree and in some cases a TEFL... your degree can be in anything at all, and your TEFL can be purchased for peanuts without you needing to do any work-- they don't care. There is such a huge demand, such a tiny amount of regulation and such a high turnover rate that pretty much anyone who applies will be able to get something. Hence, it attracts a LOT of extremely damaged and/or crazy people. I guarantee that if he loses this job, he will be able to get another. I mean, he didn't even go missing for 3 weeks this time.
I told him that if he quit this job and went home, he could just come back again after he dried out back in the States, but he still refuses to help himself. He would rather stay here and drink himself to death while pretending everything will be fine. He doesn't have any concept of how things work in the long-term, owing to ADD and possibly other conditions.
He has actively made himself our problem by depending on both myself and the other foreigners on a regular basis... and there is no way to pass him on to anyone else without risking his job in the process. You cannot trust anyone to keep things confidential here, because of the whole 'us and them' thing. But to be honest, the prevailing sentiment here is that we'd all just like to be rid of him, and if he becomes someone else's problem, then at least he's not bothering us.
Yes, my post was long... because it's really quite stressful and I needed to vent.
if he is this bad I would think the bosses already know.
It is unlikely that his supervisors do not know. I had alcoholic staff members whose problem did not appear to have developed to the stage described by the OP, and it was quite obvious to me rather quickly.
Approaching a staff member with the observation that you think they have a drinking problem is extremely risky legally, and most business environments don't want to risk it. They look to fire the person for poor work, tardiness, absenteeism, etc., and avoid dealing with the underlying cause.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
