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Would very much appreciate some advice. While I have "worked" with this individual for 3 months it's only been in the last 2 weeks that I have had to work with her directly on a project. She always seemed a bit....off, but since having to work with her on a project has the issue come up.
To put it short she has said some pretty racist things. For example while working together on a project she complained how our boss hasn't given her any raises or promotions despite working there over a year, and at one point even said "Well, she's Jewish, do you really expect them to be fair?". Another time (before this) she invited me to a bar with her saying that's where she likes to go to unwind. While we were there (I only had two drinks, she had had 3 beers and two shots of vodka) a white man and an Asian woman came in, and after a few minutes she pointed them out and said "See that couple over there? I really hate that, Asian women taking white men". We are both white btw, but it really surprised me.
She really talks bad about our boss and I do hate how we have to work on the same project together and I can only assume doesn't talk about her racist views much but I know she loves to talk about our boss quite a bit and usually it's about how "horrible" and "greedy" our boss is and how she gets paid so little and it's (according to her) because she is Jewish.
Any thoughts on this? Anyone here had to work with a racist co-worker or the like? I don't go out with her anymore and it's always strictly business but I find it horrible and unnerving and thankfully the project we both work on together is almost finished but man from the things she has said she could be a KKK member!
Before this thread gets locked, I wanted to post this link.
Even though they didn't handle conflict very well on their own campus last year, the University of Missouri has this site that explains several different ways to respond to prejudicial comments.
The bottom line? You can either sit there like a lump and let these comments go unchallenged, or you can SPEAK UP.
It takes guts to call someone out, but if it REALLY bothers you, you need to face the fact that letting it go unchallenged is just giving her a pass to be a jerk.
The fact that you let these comments pass multiple times (even going out for a beer with her) makes this not a good situation. I assume you laughed along with her initially when she made these comments, perhaps nervously as you were really taken aback. So in her mind you were OK with these things.
I get it, you seem like one of those that doesn't like direct confrontation and these sort of situations. Thankfully I haven't experienced such things. Anyways not much you can do in my eyes since you let it pass multiple times, and this project is almost over. What can you do, report it after the fact?
I'd treat it like it never happened. It's her racism, not yours.
Pointing it out could cause trouble for you in ways you could never foresee. The boss may love her and never believe she could say those things. You'd look like a troublemaker, as odd and unbelievable as it may be.
Would very much appreciate some advice. While I have "worked" with this individual for 3 months it's only been in the last 2 weeks that I have had to work with her directly on a project. She always seemed a bit....off, but since having to work with her on a project has the issue come up.
To put it short she has said some pretty racist things. For example while working together on a project she complained how our boss hasn't given her any raises or promotions despite working there over a year, and at one point even said "Well, she's Jewish, do you really expect them to be fair?". Another time (before this) she invited me to a bar with her saying that's where she likes to go to unwind. While we were there (I only had two drinks, she had had 3 beers and two shots of vodka) a white man and an Asian woman came in, and after a few minutes she pointed them out and said "See that couple over there? I really hate that, Asian women taking white men". We are both white btw, but it really surprised me.
She really talks bad about our boss and I do hate how we have to work on the same project together and I can only assume doesn't talk about her racist views much but I know she loves to talk about our boss quite a bit and usually it's about how "horrible" and "greedy" our boss is and how she gets paid so little and it's (according to her) because she is Jewish.
Any thoughts on this? Anyone here had to work with a racist co-worker or the like? I don't go out with her anymore and it's always strictly business but I find it horrible and unnerving and thankfully the project we both work on together is almost finished but man from the things she has said she could be a KKK member!
I would really just try and ignore it, but avoid spending any personal time with her. Bringing it up to management without proof is going to make the tension worse. She's bound to let something slip on her own at some point and end up in hot water.
Would very much appreciate some advice. While I have "worked" with this individual for 3 months it's only been in the last 2 weeks that I have had to work with her directly on a project. She always seemed a bit....off, but since having to work with her on a project has the issue come up.
To put it short she has said some pretty racist things. For example while working together on a project she complained how our boss hasn't given her any raises or promotions despite working there over a year, and at one point even said "Well, she's Jewish, do you really expect them to be fair?". Another time (before this) she invited me to a bar with her saying that's where she likes to go to unwind. While we were there (I only had two drinks, she had had 3 beers and two shots of vodka) a white man and an Asian woman came in, and after a few minutes she pointed them out and said "See that couple over there? I really hate that, Asian women taking white men". We are both white btw, but it really surprised me.
She really talks bad about our boss and I do hate how we have to work on the same project together and I can only assume doesn't talk about her racist views much but I know she loves to talk about our boss quite a bit and usually it's about how "horrible" and "greedy" our boss is and how she gets paid so little and it's (according to her) because she is Jewish.
Any thoughts on this? Anyone here had to work with a racist co-worker or the like? I don't go out with her anymore and it's always strictly business but I find it horrible and unnerving and thankfully the project we both work on together is almost finished but man from the things she has said she could be a KKK member!
Ignoring is definitely the wrong thing to do, that just supports the behavior. I wouldn't go running the your boss either just yet.
I suggest you arm yourself with a few quick responses from your bag of tricks the next time she says something nasty.
I don't know if humor would be in order, but you could say somewhat jokingly, "hey racist much?" or "did you miss that diversity training?" It might be enough to slightly shock her into not saying those things to you anymore.
If sarcasm isn't the right approach, you could say "hey, that comment doesn't sit well with me, can you stop."
Or you could act very kind and calm and just say "hey I think that comment was a little racist and it makes me uncomfortable".
After you've addressed it and it continues THEN go talk to your boss. The workplace has no room for this type of conduct.
Not sure why you mentioned the drinking or were even keeping count, that comes off a little judgey and somehow you are better than her. Might want to just stick to what is applicable to the issue otherwise your complaint may be seen as less credible.
Ignoring is definitely the wrong thing to do, that just supports the behavior. I wouldn't go running the your boss either just yet.
I suggest you arm yourself with a few quick responses from your bag of tricks the next time she says something nasty.
I don't know if humor would be in order, but you could say somewhat jokingly, "hey racist much?" or "did you miss that diversity training?" It might be enough to slightly shock her into not saying those things to you anymore.
Her response could be "Oh? Butt hurt much?" (This starts the nasty slide)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cayennev8
If sarcasm isn't the right approach, you could say "hey, that comment doesn't sit well with me, can you stop."
"Didn't bother you when I said such at the bar, what got into your craw?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by cayennev8
Or you could act very kind and calm and just say "hey I think that comment was a little racist and it makes me uncomfortable".
"There's the door"
Quote:
Originally Posted by cayennev8
After you've addressed it and it continues THEN go talk to your boss. The workplace has no room for this type of conduct.
The other side could simply lie and say "Oh, she was saying this and this, I was only joking" Then it may be full on war.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cayennev8
Not sure why you mentioned the drinking or were even keeping count, that comes off a little judgey and somehow you are better than her. Might want to just stick to what is applicable to the issue otherwise your complaint may be seen as less credible.
I think the horse has left too long ago for the cart to be hitched...Just my opinion. Trying to shame a racist just makes them madder it seems....
Tell her to shut the f*ck up, that you don't care to hear her racist bs.
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