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By the way, where do you live? If the internship you applied for is in NYC and you don't live there, how were you expecting to survive, eat, pay rent? That's something they would be wondering as well.
Where did I imply that I do not live in New York? I live in NYC and currently pay the rent just fine. Also, I am looking for an internship here- not a job...my references can attest that I have never been too starry eyed to keep focused on my work; these are concerts that are just examples of EVENTS, not people, that have inspired me to become involved in the industry. If I wanted to work directly with James Taylor or Sonic Youth I would be shooting for a Manager's position. I disagree with all of your comments, and also your tone.
PS: I never got any of my internships through "knowing someone."
Where did I imply that I do not live in New York? I live in NYC and currently pay the rent just fine. Also, I am looking for an internship here- not a job...my references can attest that I have never been too starry eyed to keep focused on my work; these are concerts that are just examples of EVENTS, not people, that have inspired me to become involved in the industry. If I wanted to work directly with James Taylor or Sonic Youth I would be shooting for a Manager's position. I disagree with all of your comments, and also your tone.
PS: I never got any of my internships through "knowing someone."
You didn't imply where you lived or didn't live, it was a legitimate question.
I don't really care if you don't like my tone, after you've made a living in the industry for 30 years, you'll understand where I'm coming from. Until then, good luck to you.
Your comment earlier had nothing to do with my question, it was just an anonymous way to vent your anger about your career. I hope things get better for you!
The biggest issue I can see in your cover letter is that it didn't grab my attention in the first paragraph. It stated your intent, which is good, but then it delved into your history. Take a sentence or two to summarize what makes you an excellent candidate. I know it's against some suggestions, but I'd throw the bit about where you learned about the job further down into a less important part of the letter.
Your comment earlier had nothing to do with my question, it was just an anonymous way to vent your anger about your career. I hope things get better for you!
Whoa, you're the one needing to resort to an unpaid internship, not her. There was nothing vent-sounding or angry about her comment to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by flowerfield
I live in NYC and currently pay the rent just fine. Also, I am looking for an internship here- not a job.
Unless you live with your parents, it's going to be hard for you to tackle an unpaid internship and pay your NY rent and other bills. Also, as someone else has stated, unpaid internships are usually given to college students. That's usually the only way companies can get away with paying their interns nothing--because they offer school credit instead of compensation. You should make sure that company wasn't just accepting students.
You also say that you're looking for an internship, not a job. You should try for both since a job would offer you a lot more than an unpaid temporary position.
Your comment earlier had nothing to do with my question, it was just an anonymous way to vent your anger about your career. I hope things get better for you!
Honey, my career is going just fine. I own a profitable company and can dabble in the industry on the side at my leisure. I regularly turn down music industry assignments, because I just don't have the time or just don't like the assignment. It seems that you are the one with the career problem.
I would call this a good first pass at a cover letter. You need to focus more on how you can actually help them. To be blunt, why should they care if it is your life-long dream to work for them? They care if you can add a concrete, measurable benefit to their organization. Figure out something that specific organization could improve upon and give a rough plan on how you can fix it.
I agree with the above. Your cover letter sounds more like what I wrote to get into a graduate program. Graduate programs want to know how happy you are to be part of their program and how you've thought about it since you were five. But this is business. Passions need to be replaced with practical, specific assets; it is a little dry. To get their attention early I would be more practical in the beginning.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq
I went beyond my responsibilities as Publicity Coordinator for major campus events and made calls to agents, made hospitality arrangements for each artist and scheduled itineraries leading up to performances.
This is a good sentence. I think you should re-write your cover letter and focus on your responsibilities in this position. Something like this needs to be in the beginning paragraph. The focus of your letter should be on the successful fulfillment of these responsibilities, and the tools you acquired, and not how passionate you are about music. Although, I would leave out that you feel you went beyond your responsibilities. I'm not an employer but that raises red flags to me. I would simply state that these were your responsibility and that you fulfilled them. That's what your employer wants to know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq
During my summers, I employed my attention to detail and strong communication skills while exploring real-world companies that I admired such as Matador Records and SPIN Magazine.
This is vague and confusing. This sounds like you're saying that you spent the summer working on details (details of what?) and your communication skills, and that you like matador and spin magazine. I don't know what you mean by exploring; was that part of your job? What did you accomplish with your exploration that would benefit your prospective employer? What details were you working on?
It is always a better idea to give specific, concise experience-related examples of how you worked on your communication and how you paid attention to details.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq
My past experiences suggest a focus in the marketing aspect of the industry, but my drive and inspiration are fueled by a desire to carry the weight of responsibility and creativity that a behind-the-scenes planning position would require.
This sentence sets a tone that you know you're not really qualified for this position but you really love music so they should accept you. It explains why your cover letter is a little vague.
To avoid setting that tone, stick to what you are good at and the skills you do have for this position. Try to avoid making your drive and inspiration the focus of this paragraph. It's too vague. End with a concise summary of how your specific skills will contribute to the company's success.
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