How do you cope with life goal disappointment? (move, acquaintance, spouse)

[carnelian]

Those of you over 60, how do you cope with the stress of major goals you have/ had, and failure to achieve them? (If you do not have any goals then it doesn't matter.)

Goals such as marriage-, higher education, career achievement, money, even love. I do NOT mean buying a new car or making more friends, or getting fit or vacationing.

HOPE you can say, but you yourself may know when it is time to forget about it .Lower expectations? Sure, but what if your expectations are already very low. The old saying be happy you have your health doesn't work.

[Tall Traveler]

Outside of not being an NBA all-star which was my teenage goal, I pretty much exceeded my goas and expectations in most areas. I guess when it comes to a few friends and family that are obscenely rich, I guess a part of me is a bit jealous and wonder if I should have continued working for a few more years to pad the wealth.

[Yippeekayay]

Having no pride, accepting defeat, disappointments, negative is part of the Ying and the Yang circel of life. "Wear it proud so it can't be used against you." - Tyrion

Also acceptance that you can only control your life and not of others even if you think you should because you want to help them. I can guide them but the rest is up to them. After that, hakuna matata.

[fluffythewondercat]

Originally Posted by carnelian

Those of you over 60, how do you cope with the stress of major goals you have/ had, and failure to achieve them? (If you do not have any goals then it doesn't matter.)

Goals such as marriage-, higher education, career achievement, money, even love. I do NOT mean buying a new car or making more friends, or getting fit or vacationing.

HOPE you can say, but you yourself may know when it is time to forget about it .Lower expectations? Sure, but what if your expectations are already very low. The old saying be happy you have your health doesn't work.

Good questions.

Marriage: Honestly, I had given up on marriage. The man I was living with was distant, self-centered and never cracked a smile. A family wedding was in the works and I wouldn't have gone except that I adored his mother. How did such a nice woman give birth to this guy?

So he came home one day and asked me to marry him. An eyebrow-raising request, to be sure. We showed up at the wedding as newlyweds. Aww, sweet...right?

Fast-forward to 15 years later, when my 65 year old spouse informed me that he had married me only because his mother had twisted his arm. One iteration wasn't enough, I guess, so he told me the story two more times.

If marriage was a goal, I was cheated out of it. I'm 69 now, so I'd be fine with living alone.

[North Beach Person]

Eventually I got to the point I didn't dwell on them. I'm also not very introspective so I don't revisit issues I've put away. To do so would start a downward spiral.

[msincogneato]

I am 51, never married though I wanted to be. However, time over time my guys turned out to not be husband material.

I am disappointed but have made a conscious choice not to lament what did not happen in the past. For me the path to joy is to relentlessly seek out all of the amazing things about my life and the world around me.

Now is all we have.

I wish you all the best, OP.

[matisse12]

1) depending upon how old you are right now, you'll be dead soon, and the unfulfilled goals and associated psychological and emotional pain will not matter at all.

2) life has emotional pain for a good number of people - it's a given - so one has to choose to be thankful for what one has in life focusing on the positive things

3) yes, one can be a failure in certain ways - and during old age failures can be highlighted - apparently you certainly are not alone in this feeling - just a couple days go, an acquaintance expressed the same thing you expressed - also he feels he did not conduct his life in the best way and should have spent his time on other things

4) yes, hope can disintegrate in older age. I do believe it is too late for some things. (others will argue that there is always hope)

5) to counteract feelings of unfulfilled goals and even failures, try filling your mind with ideas - seek out ideas to think about. Read. extensively. And do things you enjoy.

6) focus on nature, and enjoy nature....in depth

[KaraG]

I started off in a great career with a lot of potential, made some dumb job choices. Got married to the first person who asked because I wanted to be married, it wasn't a good match but we stuck it out 19 years. Ended up surprisingly marrying again and have been in love and happy for 21 years, with 5 married kids and lots of grandbabies.

But career wise and money wise, well, it's usually been a struggle. Retirement has been pushed out five more years, at least, while we make up losses from covid.

I just look at it as "it is what it is." No coulda, woulda, shoulda from me. No one's life is perfect, I'm okay with the challenges we have.

[beach43ofus]

I move on. I was trying to become a PGA tpuring pro, but I wasnt good enugh, so I went to college and got a biz degree. I ate crow and went to work in corp America, until I could start my own biz.

Corp America sux, so glad I made it on my own.

My only regret is that I failed to fire corp America sooner. I wasted way too much energy on those losers.

[Seguinite]

Life happens. I think most folks can look back on things that could've gone 'better'. Nowadays I see people that can't walk and realize how grateful I should be that I get to complain my knees hurt sometimes.