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Can anyone detail exactly what they had to do and the issues that came about?
My BH's brother died earlier this year, without a will. We are two states away and are having to do everything remotely. It doesn't help when the Post Office loses documents sent overnight or via certified mail, as well as the Probate Court losing one.
We probably should have started by finding a local attorney, but his estate was only a bank account, a condo and a car, so we thought we could do it ourselves. We were able to finally get her named as Admin and get the assets transferred, but we are still working on closing out the estate.
One thing I still don't understand - we filled out the paperwork that got her named as an Administrator, but somehow it didn't give her permission to sell the condo. We had to fill out additional documents to be able to do that.
Please encourage everyone to have a basic will. It can cut out a lot of frustration, etc.
I was the only heir and executor for my mother's estate. I waited two years so I could do a Summary Administration. For me, it was no big deal. The only problem I had was that my attorney forgot to do anything at all!
It can depend on survivors, their attitudes, if they have issue with what is in the will or with who is executor. Greedy siblings can also make it a miserable job.
This right here. My mom dealt with my grandmother's estate for over 3 years. Her siblings fought her on everything. They didn't want to do anything. They just wanted what they wanted. What they wanted most of the time wasn't even legal. They didn't even want to show up to court to get their checks. They had to sign documents in the courthouse to get their checks and even that was a nightmare. Getting 5 people who are bickering over minute detail is draining. Imagine this going on for years.
My mom spent over a year getting the credit card companies to send the correct documents to the court. After something like 18 months the judge said enough. If they can't get their act together then they don't get paid. He was frustrated that it was taking them so long and they wouldn't send the necessary documents. It's not like this was the first time a person with a credit card died.
My younger brother was selected to be the executor for our parents. At first I was super ticked off. Now I am totally relieved that he has to deal with the nightmare and not me. He keeps saying that we will all help when the time comes and I'm like nope. He gets paid to be the executor so that means he gets to deal with it all. Just let me know what I need to sign when you clean out the hoarder house. So happy I don't have to deal with that.
My gut feeling is, if you are heir-in-law (spouse, child) and you find a will naming you exec, tear it up. Let Probate call it Intestate and divide it however they want (they willl anyway) and avoid the hassle. They'll call you when it's done -- otherwise just shrug.
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My sister was exec to our mother, an uncle and an aunt. Mom's was modtly POD, the others were 4--figures. No hassles. She just drove to the banks, showed them the raw wills, and they handed over the money.
The amount of time and hassle depends on a lot of variables. You can find the listing of what to do first with some net research and there's a lot of self help info on state court sites. Start keeping track of your time spent on everything from the jump in case some miserable estranged family member raises their ugly head and challenges any draws you make on estate funds; you're entitled to payment unless the Will says otherwise.
When working with the funeral director, get at least 5 copies of the death cert, you'll need them. Also need a copy / scanner and a good PC. Hopefully, the deceased left good records and not a piled mess of papers and a mystery fling system to figure out. You'll root out and pay creditors, settle any disputes in billing, insurance claims, bank accounts, 401ks, etc. You're tasked with closing out the myriad details of a person's entire life. I tell you it's much harder if it's a loved one whose estate you're closing, like in my situation with my Dad and my surviving Mom.
You may not know for months whether you're dealing with a formal probate or informal / small estate; depends on amount of assets and whether those assets are held in joint tenancy or with named beneficiaries. You need passwords to all accounts, incl social media, government benefits, etc. Tons of decisions to make.
Root out the basic estate value and do some research before calling a well-reviewed law firm, one that has compassion because it's a hard journey with a lot of details to attend to. The main thing is ascertaining that the estate has enough assets to pay for legal help, once that is established, you'll be able to get an honest attorney to work with and guide you. The estate pays for legals and accountants, etc.
My parents named me alternate to their spouse in all things and I took up the reins when both fell ill with CoVid; Dad lost his battle and Mom survived; she remains in a care home (she needs the 24/7 care).
My parents had a good life, 42 yrs of marriage (2nd for both) and although the most golden people you'd ever have the joy to know, my Dad's kids never accepted the marriage and were so far apart that their kids never knew their Grandpa - their loss. My Mom raised we 3 kids and my brother died young, leaving me with a sibling so twisted that she's plain hateful. I've been shouldering all of this with the support of my daughter for 2 yrs now and I'm not really close yet to closing out Dad's many estate issues. I've sold properties in 2 states, one the other end of the country and all done long distance, incl an estate liquidation sale. And we are a close family, my family and my parents; no one else cares to be involved., didn't even get help with Dad's (step) obit, nothing but heckling. I just shut out the chatter and keep my head down.
I dearly love my parents and as onerous as the numerous roles are, I'd do anything for them. It's an honor and a burden.
I'm sole support for my dear Mom and her care is a whole other aspect and set of difficulties. I'm a retired RN so very mindful of her care at the nursing home. My daughter and grandkids are her source of joy, I'm her strength. It's hard, traveling down this journey of advancing dementia with her.
My folks rightfully disinherited all but my daughter and I and I deal with decreasing levels of flack from guilt-ridden adult 'kids' who missed out on loving and sharing life with these two wonderful people. Beware of those who will crop up and try to weedle money, suck emotional support from you over their own guilt, or work to sabotage you. Grief brings out the worst in ppl, esp in dysfunctional family systems and greed is an ugly, ugly realty. Set clear boundaries and yet, keep a line of communication open. Place limits on the time you'll give to assuage other ppl's guilt and drama; some ppl thrive on it and as rep, you'll bear the brunt.
Being estate Rep, FPOA, medical POA, is a lot of work and time. One can draw 'reasonable' reimbursement for time and reimburse for expenses. Mostly, keep good records and remember to take care of yourself. It may take 1-3 yrs, depending, before you can truly close it out and file the final paperwork on even a small estate (may have large assets, but little that goes into probate, which is best to avoid, if possible.
My gut feeling is, if you are heir-in-law (spouse, child) and you find a will naming you exec, tear it up. Let Probate call it Intestate and divide it however they want (they willl anyway) and avoid the hassle. They'll call you when it's done -- otherwise just shrug.
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My sister was exec to our mother, an uncle and an aunt. Mom's was modtly POD, the others were 4--figures. No hassles. She just drove to the banks, showed them the raw wills, and they handed over the money.
I’m really surprised to hear a “raw will” was accepted by a bank. How does the bank know the will is valid and is the last will?
I have had only one experience (in Kentucky), and a will has to be presented to a court and validated. This also allows others to challenge the will presented if needed. The papers from the court naming the legal executor/administrator were the only documents acceptable to the banks we dealt with.
My mother-in-law had several wills made up over the years, and an estranged sister-in-law got hold of an earlier will that was more favorable to her. She taunted us with this will, until we finally found the true last will.
My Dad has an irrevocable trust with no executor, there is just my Brother and I. I will be handling all paperwork! Because my Brother won't. Dad is 93 and well, I'm 70, brother 67. I live next to Dad so am familiar with all the 'stuff'. He has commercial property in CA, we are in NC. So I may have to make trips there, although so much is done online now, but we intend to sell as soon as possible. I'm thinking many months to clear the house and huge machine shop, ok a year I don't foresee many arguments with brother, but you never know, do you?
When my dad passed away and I was executor of his estate, I looked up what was involved in being an executor and everything that had to be done to settle an estate. After reading about all the deadlines and tax issues and various other fairly involved procedures that had to be completed in a particular order and by particular times, I hired an estate attorney to do it all. Entirely worth the fee. All I had to do was produce some documents that turned out to be easy to find, sign documents he prepared where he told me to sign, and write the checks.
I'm so glad that my mom died with no assets. Made my life simpler.
And then my MIL's only assets were bank accounts on which my DH was also a co-owner of the account. No wills, no homes to divest of, only a tiny life insurance policy we weren't even aware of. We sold a cemetery plot she owned before her death, so no problems with that.
So I guess my advice is to get rid of as many assets as possible prior to your own death. LOL. I know that we don't know when we'll die, but if I live into my mid 80s I will not own any real estate. That should make it a little easier, and I'll downsize to the point of few belongings to be sold/given away. I'll put beneficiaries on all my accounts. Basically, I'll make it as simple as possible for any heirs. Much of it will end up going to charities anyway.
Last edited by TheShadow; 09-19-2022 at 09:09 AM..
It's not that difficult. But it is tedious and time consuming. The executor has to pay off all outstanding debts. Must use only original bank statements etc. No copies of anything. Per the will, account for distributions down to the penny. Close out accounts.
Dads' estate was split evenly among 4 children. I was the executor. The county approved final probate. Virginia
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I don't foresee many arguments with brother, but you never know, do you?
