Would you do it differently if you could? (spouses, federal, depression)
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"So tell us more about your spouse and how she feels about impending retirement. It's not just about you."
My spouse is oblivious, leaving it totally up to me, doesn't like to talk about the change in lifestyle, has become accustomed to a certain standard of living, has never worked outside the home, won't get involved in the finances to the point that I've had to create a file about step by step instructions of what to do in the event of my death, all the contact numbers to the funeral home, SS, my pension contacts, our retirement funds, life insurance #'s, etc etc etc. My father did that for my mom, but I ended up settling his estate and it was very helpful for me. We enjoy each other's company and I think we'll do fine, she thinks I worry too much which is true. Her attitude is that we'll get through it like everyone else does.
As I read these responses, I also acknowledge I have ego issues.
And I have to face looking at my career in the rear view mirror, and accept my age and new challenges in life instead of spending time lamenting and hand wringing about what is changing. Easier said than done however.
Thank you for the responses, stuff to think about.
My spouse is oblivious, leaving it totally up to me, doesn't like to talk about the change in lifestyle, has become accustomed to a certain standard of living, has never worked outside the home, won't get involved in the finances to the point that I've had to create a file about step by step instructions of what to do in the event of my death, all the contact numbers to the funeral home, SS, my pension contacts, our retirement funds, life insurance #'s, etc etc etc. My father did that for my mom, but I ended up settling his estate and it was very helpful for me. We enjoy each other's company and I think we'll do fine, she thinks I worry too much which is true. Her attitude is that we'll get through it like everyone else does.
Heh. That's what I thought, too. I was wrong. The clue I missed was that he never wanted to talk about what retirement would look like. Then when it happened, he couldn't handle the change.
But what do I know, my crystal ball is in the shop getting an oil change. Continuing on the course of "I can't bother my pretty little head with details, I rely on my big strong detail-oriented husband for everything" may actually work out for you two.
"So tell us more about your spouse and how she feels about impending retirement. It's not just about you."
My spouse is oblivious, leaving it totally up to me, doesn't like to talk about the change in lifestyle, has become accustomed to a certain standard of living, has never worked outside the home, won't get involved in the finances to the point that I've had to create a file about step by step instructions of what to do in the event of my death, all the contact numbers to the funeral home, SS, my pension contacts, our retirement funds, life insurance #'s, etc etc etc. My father did that for my mom, but I ended up settling his estate and it was very helpful for me. We enjoy each other's company and I think we'll do fine, she thinks I worry too much which is true. Her attitude is that we'll get through it like everyone else does.
As I read these responses, I also acknowledge I have ego issues.
And I have to face looking at my career in the rear view mirror, and accept my age and new challenges in life instead of spending time lamenting and hand wringing about what is changing. Easier said than done however.
Thank you for the responses, stuff to think about.
You sound like an Olympic gold medalist. Where do you go when you're at the top?
one suggestion (you probably won't like): start at the bottom of a different mountain.
haven't you ever heard about someone being able to do something and wished you could do it too? Haven't you ever read a book, listened to music, seen a painting and envied that ability?
Has your whole life really been nothing but work?
not trying to be snarky but I really find that incomprehensible.
OP, it sounds to me like you are contemplating retiring *from* something, rather than retiring *to* something. Your post is very sparse regarding what you will be doing after retiring, telling me that you really aren't looking forward to anything in particular. I think if you had post-retirement plans that excite you, you wouldn't be feeling you had to hold your nose and jump.
Exactly! When I was approaching retirement, I was never thinking about what I was retiring from; it was always looking forward to what I was retiring to - - - starting with moving to Las Vegas on the day of my retirement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by judd2401
Excellent point. I think it has to do with being career oriented all my adult life, it defined me, it was my challenge to keep learning, teaching, evolving to keep up with new methods, on-going required education to maintain my credentials, and being proud of my on-going accomplishments (I know, sounds prideful), so I'm not sure what could compete with that in retirement. I have to recreate myself when I give up my career and I know it won't be easy, not sure it's even doable. Many men like me run the risk of dying or becoming couch potatoes in retirement, they are underfoot, drive their spouses crazy, are bored, have a high rate of depression, feel loss of purpose and in general are miserable, just waiting to die. I have to find another path of thinking or I may find myself in that ditch. The challenge for me is how to go about that. It's much more than just finding a hobby or volunteering which is the wrote answer I usually hear.
Why do you have to recreate your career in retirement? Why would you even want to try? I oversaw a nationwide program for an agency of the federal government, and I worked and consulted with the top levels of all three branches of government, so I had a fairly accomplished career, if I do say so myself. And yet, it would never occur to me to try to compete with my former self. In fact, I never even think about what I used to do or how my (former) office is currently being run. I retired almost exactly 10 years ago at the age of 54 because both my wife and I yearned to travel the world and have as much fun as possible before we got too old to be able to do so.
And although we've since traded the desert for the ocean and moved from Las Vegas to Miami Beach, we're still traveling and enjoying life as much as possible. Time is even more precious now given a stage 4 cancer scare a couple of years ago. Next month we're off to Singapore, Phuket, and Kuala Lumpur. In March we will be in the Seychelle Islands, followed by a trip to Oman, Abu Dhabi, and Dubai. We're spending a week in Montreal in July, followed by two weeks each in Marseille and Copenhagen in August. September will find us on the beach again, but instead of Miami, we'll be in Marbella, Spain. Finally, we'll end the year by spending Christmas in Budapest and NYE in Vienna.
If money is not an issue for you (and as a credentialed, accomplished professional, it doesn't appear that it should be), then forget about being career-oriented and think about all the ways that you can enjoy the remaining years of your life without the 40/50+ hours/week that the albatross of a job robs from you.
Excellent point. I think it has to do with being career oriented all my adult life, it defined me, it was my challenge to keep learning, teaching, evolving to keep up with new methods, on-going required education to maintain my credentials, and being proud of my on-going accomplishments (I know, sounds prideful), so I'm not sure what could compete with that in retirement. I have to recreate myself when I give up my career and I know it won't be easy, not sure it's even doable. Many men like me run the risk of dying or becoming couch potatoes in retirement, they are underfoot, drive their spouses crazy, are bored, have a high rate of depression, feel loss of purpose and in general are miserable, just waiting to die. I have to find another path of thinking or I may find myself in that ditch. The challenge for me is how to go about that. It's much more than just finding a hobby or volunteering which is the wrote answer I usually hear.
You can still learn, teach, evolve, and challenge yourself in retirement. Why do you think you need an employer in order to do those things?
Like anyone else, I have regrets on the personal side of life, but on the career/financial piece, I think I've done about as well as I could have given what I had to work with. It's easy to "woulda, shoulda, coulda" years after the fact, but the bottom line is that most of us try to do the best we can with the information we have available at the time.
You just have cold feet. Retiring is a major life change. I started working at 16 and so work just becomes a part of your life.
If you are not stressing about money issues then the stress is just taking that leap and what your life will be like in the future.
The biggest influencing factor to me was that I wanted to retire young enough to still DO THINGS.
For me I would not have done anything different. I'm glad I went out early (55) and have no regrets.
Would love to retire at 55. Would like to know financially how you planned, etc. My wife thinks I'm crazy.
Excellent point. I think it has to do with being career oriented all my adult life, it defined me, it was my challenge to keep learning, teaching, evolving to keep up with new methods, on-going required education to maintain my credentials, and being proud of my on-going accomplishments (I know, sounds prideful), so I'm not sure what could compete with that in retirement. I have to recreate myself when I give up my career and I know it won't be easy, not sure it's even doable…...
Yes, it has been painful realizing that I will allow my Professional Engineer License to expire in the Fall of next year, 15 months or so after I retire. That accomplishment has defined my career, and I allowed it to define me in some respects since acquiring the license in 1983. A more recently acquired license will expire at the end of 2020 and I don't care about that one, never wanted it, was forced to obtain it.
But it is time! Onto other things for the last 1/4 of my life.
Speaking of other things.....I stumbled upon the last remaining un-constructed kit for the open wheel racer shown below. My wife(!) is encouraging me to purchase the kit and assemble it as an additional retirement activity. This is a formula car from the early 1960's which uses a 3-cylinder two-stroke SAAB engine of that era. They still compete in Vintage Racing, which appears to be more moderate speed parade laps than actual racing as the drivers are often even older than the cars.
Combined with my Car Show Organizing, Volunteer activities at the Henry Ford, Volunteering with FIRST Robotics,, etc., I should be very busy!
There's always the worry about having enough money to be able to buy a new car, go on vacation, pay for unexpected expenses, I think it's probably all relative. I'm also wondering is it time to just trust my own judgement? Meaning stop the pros and cons list (which I'm famous for) and just go with my gut instincts. I've brought us this far and so far so good. I also started working at age 16 and have worked my whole life and surprisingly, there's an element of guilt regarding retirement, it's an odd feeling. I've had the urge to put my spouse's art easel up and do the pro/con thing but the response has been "don't you dare start that". I see you have a "beach bum" handle, that's been my lifelong dream is to live along the ocean, not a few blocks back, but so I can see, hear and smell the ocean. Hope that's where you've been able to land.
Change your attitude about your job/career before you retire.
There are things that you might not be able to do anything about. Don't worry about it. Just go with the flow and cash those checks.
Would you die if you stopped worrying about work and being stressed. Is your job one that will cause people to die if you don't make that meeting or that deadline??
Excellent point. I think it has to do with being career oriented all my adult life, it defined me, it was my challenge to keep learning, teaching, evolving to keep up with new methods, on-going required education to maintain my credentials, and being proud of my on-going accomplishments (I know, sounds prideful), so I'm not sure what could compete with that in retirement. I have to recreate myself when I give up my career and I know it won't be easy, not sure it's even doable. Many men like me run the risk of dying or becoming couch potatoes in retirement, they are underfoot, drive their spouses crazy, are bored, have a high rate of depression, feel loss of purpose and in general are miserable, just waiting to die. I have to find another path of thinking or I may find myself in that ditch. The challenge for me is how to go about that. It's much more than just finding a hobby or volunteering which is the wrote answer I usually hear.
Go into local politics once you retire!
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