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I lived in CA my entire life (over 50 years) until 2013 and I find the people there far less friendly than my new home in TN. In fact that's one of the many reasons we left CA. The crowding and traffic and stress make the people so mean and rude.
I lived it SoCal for my entire life until the last 8 years, when I relocated to the PNW. I would still be in SoCal if not for COL, excessive population growth, traffic, and a few other reasons. But where I live now is very isolating, people are cold. I never had a problem making friends or striking up a conversation in SoCal, whereas here I have had some very unsettling encounters, ranging from passive-aggressive to outright hostile. This is a great place to live if you’re a eccentric hermit.
Interesting. I left tn because I felt too judged. People wanted to know exactly who you were (religion, sexual orientation, politics, neighborhood) before they would be your friend. It struck me as odd that that was they wanted to know that stuff first. I don’t find Californians particularly friendly but I don’t find them trying to figure you out on first meeting.
I've never been asked any of these questions in TN. I've had people ask me where I'm from, but that's mostly curiosity because I don't have a southern accent. I don't talk about religion or politics if I can avoid it, regardless of where I am. My beliefs are my business, are probably not the same as others', and I don't want to debate them. I'm 60 and no one is going to be able to change my beliefs, so when those topics arise, I politely change the subject.
I've never been asked any of these questions in TN. I've had people ask me where I'm from, but that's mostly curiosity because I don't have a southern accent. I don't talk about religion or politics if I can avoid it, regardless of where I am. My beliefs are my business, are probably not the same as others', and I don't want to debate them. I'm 60 and no one is going to be able to change my beliefs, so when those topics arise, I politely change the subject.
I lived there years ago but I was surprised when folks asked me what church I belonged to or if I was married. That's just never a question up north. I don't think they wanted to get in to any debate or to change my beliefs, I think they wanted to get a read.
I lived it SoCal for my entire life until the last 8 years, when I relocated to the PNW. I would still be in SoCal if not for COL, excessive population growth, traffic, and a few other reasons. But where I live now is very isolating, people are cold. I never had a problem making friends or striking up a conversation in SoCal, whereas here I have had some very unsettling encounters, ranging from passive-aggressive to outright hostile. This is a great place to live if you’re a eccentric hermit.
Are we maybe more sensitive to unfriendly people in a certain context than in otbers? I think I might notice it more (friendly vs. unfriendly) in certain circumstances. When I moved across country I had a hard time finding a new church and part of that was due to the judgemental looks and apparent attitudes of the members or the carelessness. First impressions are hard to shake off. If you are on a road trip and stop at a highway welcome center and are ignored or barked at by the "welcoming" staff you might form an opinion about the whole state. I have an elderly neighbor (I'm elderly, she is 15-20 years older) and I try to watch out for her as she lives alone and we are friendly but her kids (50 year olds) are stinkers and seem very hard to even talk to...especially the lawyer son. Luckily that is an isolated case.
I lived it SoCal for my entire life until the last 8 years, when I relocated to the PNW. I would still be in SoCal if not for COL, excessive population growth, traffic, and a few other reasons. But where I live now is very isolating, people are cold. I never had a problem making friends or striking up a conversation in SoCal, whereas here I have had some very unsettling encounters, ranging from passive-aggressive to outright hostile. This is a great place to live if you’re a eccentric hermit.
I agree -- I left Southern CA, about 15 years ago, for the same reasons -- mostly population density and traffic (just where in the H are they going to put 1.3 million news homes over the next 10 years in coastal Southern CA???? It's a nightmare now!). I always had friends there. Everybody makes fun of Californians but I've always thought that they are just jealous. Anyway, I moved away, and where I am now -- no one is friendly at all, and it's become worse over the years.
I am going to make this caveat: I think US citizens (working and retired) are finding it hard to live, since the 2008 Crash. And they may think, over the past two years, that the economy is getting better -- but it's not -- and I think they're beginning to realize it. There are more jobs but they don't pay well. Wages have been flat for at least the past 50 years. I just think that life is very difficult and that they are just tired. Just ONE example: I have a friend who has worked for a big world-wide grocery store for the past 11 years. She loved it when she started -- said it was such a great company -- but now she can't wait to get out -- the company has taken away one benefit after the other and fellow employees are snarky. Over the past few years when I've shopped there, I've noticed the employees becoming more and more rude and far less helpful.
I retired 7 years early just to get away from the general public (yeah, in Southern CA, but that's not why I moved out of Southern CA). The public I dealt with had become consistently SO RUDE that I couldn't take it anymore.
The rule of the day seems to be 'life is all about me and you can go to Hell'. Yes, US residents are great in a tragedy -- but that's about it.
Over my lifetime (71 years), I've done a lot of traveling, both in The US and around the world. I never had any problems making friends wherever I went (and wherever I lived). And I spent most of my life believing that if I (or anyone) was friendly, other people would be friendly in return. And for most of my life that seemed to be the norm (to me). I don't believe it anymore, and I don't find that to be the norm anymore.
We lived all our lives in the midwest untill moving to North Idaho a few years ago. Back in the midwest it was common to nod or say "how's it going" to people you encounter when out walking. When we arrived here we were a little surprised how some people wont even look at you let alone say hi. We always joke that they must be from California since about half the population here is from there.
You have to smile. It actually works
Then you’re approachable
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