When you got to the fork in the road of life, do you think you took the right one? (pension, marriage)

[upnorthretiree]

I’m pretty happy with all the big choices. I regret never figuring out a way to be healthier, i.e. weight. I’ve always been anxious, although probably no more or less than most of us, and food was my way to calm down and cope. Never debilitating, but certainly created limits where they didn’t have to be.

But when I wonder if I could have tried harder to end the reliance on food, I sometimes think that if eating was how I coped, maybe without it, I wouldn’t have coped. Might have let the job stress overwhelm me, the fear of failure overcome me, and all these other parts of my life might not have worked out well. Perhaps this was just the mechanism I needed at the time in order to keep going.

So I keep forgiving myself, enjoying the many things in my life I do enjoy, and figuring while there’s life there’s hope. I’ll figure this out - tomorrow - bet your bottom dollar....

[athena53]

I may have made a few mistakes but then we never know how the other road would have turned out, do we? I see couples who married in or after college, growing old together, enjoying travels, etc. and think maybe I shouldn't have been so focused on building my career- but no guarantees that I'd still be married or theoretical husband would still be around. Some good ones:

1. I kicked myself for a few years for choosing Math because Engineering intimidated me. When I graduated the Engineers were in high demand and I sort of fell into the actuarial field. Three years later I got a mailing from my university. They'd designed a one-year curriculum to get women with Math and related degrees the additional coursework to get an Engineering degree. I'd just relocated for a new job but was single, childless and a renter. I thought about it for 5 minutes. I threw the mailing away. I had a great career. Not C-suite but interesting work, travel to great places, and work with smart people.

2. When I married at 31 I chose Mr. Wrong- the marriage ended in flames 13 years later but I got DS out of it and he, DDIL and my 3 grandchildren are the joys of my life. So, not 100% wrong. Second husband was 15 years older so I lost him early but it was a match made in heaven.

3. I was 61, planning to retire at 65. Politics got toxic and really didn't feel like looking for another job, which probably would have required relocation. I looked at our numbers, discussed with DH and threw in the towel. From the first thoughts of quitting to my last day in the office: one week. That was 5 years ago. I;m still very happy with that decision.

[Stripes17]

I look back at those forks in the road and just smile.

If I had made different choices, things would be incredibly different in my life and it may not have turned out the way it did. Not that my life is great, but I've had a good life so far and I'm thankful for what has come my way.

An example would be not going to a 4 year college right out of high school. I chose to stay close to home and go to the local county college. Well, I didn't know what I was missing plus many of my friends had gone off to school too! I regretted that choice for awhile, but if I had gone away to school, I would not have met my wife at a Halloween party I attended that first year. And without my wife, there'd be no kids (I'm sure there'd be a different wife and kids), a whole different life (her career, etc.) and so forth. I might have even become a stay-at-home trophy husband!

So no... I have no regrets about the decisions made at any of the forks in the road of life.

[corydon]

1 fork I wish I could do again. Smoke or not smoke.....

[camaro69]

I've always taken that fork in the road and fine to where I am today.

[CarolinaMoon1]

Originally Posted by grampaTom

"Regrets, I've had a few, but then again - too few to remember": Frank Sinatra.

We ALL have regrets. Even those who say they don't. Lord knows I do.
It's the sum of your good/bad that counts.

I agree with your conclusions ... but sorry, simply have to nitpick, it's "too few to mention."

[TMSRetired]

Dwelling on past mistakes is not good nor healthy. It can effect your health, both physical and mental.
Mistakes (making that wrong decision) are learning experiences...learn and move on.

Rumination is not good for you.

[adjusterjack]

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;



Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,



And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.



I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.




_____________________________________________




"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
Yogi Berra

[Sand&Salt]

^^^^Love that Frost poem. I've always picked the "less traveled". Not much of a life-planner.

But as someone said, there's no way to KNOW how that other fork would have turned out, either.

The main one I can think of that had the biggest negative impact, was trusting a partnership back in 1990 when we were building a house in Parker, CO. If we had resisted that partnership, who knows, I might still be there in that house we built facing the Front Range, and having it worth 7X what it cost to build. And my first ex might still be alive.

Is that better than here on the beach in So. America? Who can say. Personal preference, I prefer this.

All I know is, when there was a fork pointing towards adventure, there I went. For better or worse.
(less money but more fun)

[Mightyqueen801]

I read once that we look back with regrets, but we did the best we could with what we knew then.

The way I was raised, the only real value a woman had was marrying and having kids. Unfortunately, by the age of 14 I knew that wasn't going to come easy to me because of shyness and physical unattractiveness, but it became my focus to overcome those things as much as possible so that I could have a shot at what other women took for granted, and I put myself in an unhappy and abusive marriage situation.

I wish now I hadn't thought that way. I wasted a great deal of my life and brought major unhappiness upon myself because of that type of thinking. Life is much better now than it once was, but it's almost over, and I could have done differently if I'd only understood that there was more to my value as a human being than being a wife and mother and that I was never meant to be those things in the first place.