Move from S-E Michigan to Pittsburgh in Retirement??? (physically, moving, conversation)
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I am not asking for solutions to this dilemma, just input on factors we should consider when making the decision ourselves.
Ages 63 and 60. Will be 64 and 61 at our currently planned retirement date of 6-30-2020.
Life long Michiganders. I have two sisters who live 30-45 minutes from us while my wife's family all live 2-1/2 hours away to the west. One of my sisters should be in Assisted Living but cannot afford it and would refuse to move even if she could afford it.
We currently planed on aging-in-place in the neighborhood/home where we have lived for 38+ years.
Many original residents and neighbors are relocating to be nearer one or more of their children. We are ~5 years younger than most of these recently retired couples/friends.
Both of our sons now live in Pittsburgh. One couple will be having their first child late next Spring.
My wife is terrified her siblings will "suck her dry" in retirement with all of their problems and issues. As an example, yesterday at 1pm they asked her to drive 2-1/2 hours to their area because one brother admitted himself to the Hospital. No one knew why, or which hospital. or even which local town contained the mystery hospital. My wife said "No!" By 6pm the brother had been discharged and transported home with the diagnosis of stress/anxiety.
My wife's 4 siblings are all 50-59 years old and none of them have learned how to be an adult and to take care of themselves. Financially, physically, mentally, outside interests, etc.
Relocation would place these siblings 7-8 hours away; although phones are still instantaneous.
Relocating would allow us more time with all four of our children and our first grandchild.
I would have the opportunity to transfer to a promotion within my same Detroit based employer and same job family, into a job the company has been unable to fill in the South Pittsburgh areas. No guarantees naturally. This would likely require me to work an additional 4 years to age 68 which I am willing to do. I love my job function, have no complaints against my employer, and am very worried about my wife's health if her prognosis/predictions regarding the stress caused by her siblings after her retirement is accurate.
My wife would likely become primary or secondary day-care for the little one. She is concerned that she needs something to keep her busy after she retires from her job at an Elementary School.
I have found a potential house only 4 blocks from the couple expecting the baby, not on the same street or even common driving path so no drive-bys to interrupt either of our privacies, but close enough to readily help each other when needed. The house has two bedrooms and full bath on main floor. Third BR on second floor with no bath. Fully finished basement with additional bath. A two car garage in basement. And more shocking for Pittsburgh - a level lot which could allow construction of an additional garage to house my play cars and wood shop, as well as a fenced play lot for the little one(s).
The other couple lives ~20 minutes away, depending upon traffic and time of day.
Both couples have lived all over the Eastern US since graduating from college, and both are in their late 30's. Someday they will/may settle down and no longer relocate, but will it be in Pittsburgh?
For those who have done this, or considered doing this and chose to not relocate, what are the caveats that we need to consider. Thanks.
Seems like a no brainer. The only problem would be how to change your id here to PA-Roger.
The one comment I'd have is to ensure that the place you are thinking of buying is fit for older age (think mid-80s or even 90). Consider downsizing, single-level, etc. Sounds like it might be fine, but really take a critical look at what you needs. We did not move for this reason and are 5 year younger - but happened to move from a 2800 sq ft house to a 1600 sq ft condo because we fell in love with it. It seemed like a heavy lift at the onset - and literally filled more than a dump truck full of stuff when we moved. But, 7 years on - it seems like the single best decision. And, if we move again - we think we might go for something smaller yet.
Seems like a good move, BUT....don't expect that your kids will stay there in Pittsburgh. They could be gone in a couple years and you would find yourselves alone there. If that's okay, then why not? I would get away as far as practical from 50-somethings who can't act like grown-ups and deal with their own stuff. They're way beyond the age where they should need you/her, and way too young for them to expect that you should be their "caregivers".
I think David Letterman's comment on retirement might also be applicable when moving to be close to children and/or grandchildren. "Here’s what I have learned, if you retire to spend more time with your family, check with your family first."
I am not asking for solutions to this dilemma, just input on factors we should consider when making the decision ourselves.
Ages 63 and 60. Will be 64 and 61 at our currently planned retirement date of 6-30-2020.
Life long Michiganders. I have two sisters who live 30-45 minutes from us while my wife's family all live 2-1/2 hours away to the west. One of my sisters should be in Assisted Living but cannot afford it and would refuse to move even if she could afford it.
We currently planed on aging-in-place in the neighborhood/home where we have lived for 38+ years.
Many original residents and neighbors are relocating to be nearer one or more of their children. We are ~5 years younger than most of these recently retired couples/friends.
Both of our sons now live in Pittsburgh. One couple will be having their first child late next Spring.
My wife is terrified her siblings will "suck her dry" in retirement with all of their problems and issues. As an example, yesterday at 1pm they asked her to drive 2-1/2 hours to their area because one brother admitted himself to the Hospital. No one knew why, or which hospital. or even which local town contained the mystery hospital. My wife said "No!" By 6pm the brother had been discharged and transported home with the diagnosis of stress/anxiety.
My wife's 4 siblings are all 50-59 years old and none of them have learned how to be an adult and to take care of themselves. Financially, physically, mentally, outside interests, etc.
Relocation would place these siblings 7-8 hours away; although phones are still instantaneous.
Relocating would allow us more time with all four of our children and our first grandchild.
I would have the opportunity to transfer to a promotion within my same Detroit based employer and same job family, into a job the company has been unable to fill in the South Pittsburgh areas. No guarantees naturally. This would likely require me to work an additional 4 years to age 68 which I am willing to do. I love my job function, have no complaints against my employer, and am very worried about my wife's health if her prognosis/predictions regarding the stress caused by her siblings after her retirement is accurate.
My wife would likely become primary or secondary day-care for the little one. She is concerned that she needs something to keep her busy after she retires from her job at an Elementary School.
I have found a potential house only 4 blocks from the couple expecting the baby, not on the same street or even common driving path so no drive-bys to interrupt either of our privacies, but close enough to readily help each other when needed. The house has two bedrooms and full bath on main floor. Third BR on second floor with no bath. Fully finished basement with additional bath. A two car garage in basement. And more shocking for Pittsburgh - a level lot which could allow construction of an additional garage to house my play cars and wood shop, as well as a fenced play lot for the little one(s).
The other couple lives ~20 minutes away, depending upon traffic and time of day.
Both couples have lived all over the Eastern US since graduating from college, and both are in their late 30's. Someday they will/may settle down and no longer relocate, but will it be in Pittsburgh?
For those who have done this, or considered doing this and chose to not relocate, what are the caveats that we need to consider. Thanks.
Well if you plan on retiring there do expect that your children will move at some time so don't move their specifically for them. On another note, this doesn't have to be your retirement home, especially since you might still continue to work; rather consider it a move to enjoy your grandchildren while they are young and you can. Also given your extended family issues, consider it a way to avoid the drama.
I see no down side. I moved to a condo three blocks from my only grandchild (now 5 years old), and it was the best decision I ever made. She and I have a close, loving relationship.
Besides, Pittsburgh is a wonderful city! (It's my home town )
I think David Letterman's comment on retirement might also be applicable when moving to be close to children and/or grandchildren. "Here’s what I have learned, if you retire to spend more time with your family, check with your family first."
Yes, we need to discover their feelings. About 15 years ago, long before the youngest and his girlfriend were even engaged let alone married, he made a comment that both shocked and alarmed me. He said he always assumed that when they got married and had a child, that my wife and I would immediately retire, move close to them (Raleigh NC at the time), and provide day-care for our grandchild.
Note: I had not yet reached 50 at the time of this conversation, so someone telling me I needed to retire within a year or two was not calming.
My opinion has changed since then and maybe his as well.
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