Retirement - no more forced associations (conversation, community, mother-in-law, gifts)
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I've found that an incredible gift of retirement has simply been the amount of time I get to spend by myself. I now have the luxury of peace and quiet, solitude, and the opportunity to choose when and if I want to interact with other people, period.
And yes, part of that choice is also determining who I spend this precious time with. Being an introvert, I used to hide from the world on weekends and holidays. Now I'm rediscovering the sheer pleasure of reaching out to and being with the people I love.
Same here, as a fellow introvert, I used to hide but now I enjoy reaching out to people with shared interests in what I really enjoy doing. So instead of being forced to do activities I didn't want to do with people I didn't want to be with, now I can do activities I want with people who are interested in the same activities.
I put up with a lot during my career, from all levels of employees. Now, I choose who and what I want to deal with, and trust me when I say I am VERY selective in my choices.
When my boss of almost 20 years retired, all of a sudden, my love of my job returned. So much so in fact, I’m about 18 months past my first retirement date. He was a miserable SOB and I hope he & his wife are miserable together ever after.
I've found that an incredible gift of retirement has simply been the amount of time I get to spend by myself. I now have the luxury of peace and quiet, solitude, and the opportunity to choose when and if I want to interact with other people, period.
You must be single, CarolinaMoon1. Since retirement I spend all my time with a husband who is needy and dependent. He doesn't have any social interaction except for me, he almost never goes out, and he and hates it when I do. He's obese and out of shape with arthritis, and he needs help with many everyday tasks. He also has macular degeneration, and soon, if he needs to go out I will have to drive him.
I'm quiet, shy and introverted by nature. I need alone time to recharge, so this situation has been a challenge, to say the least. The only time I have to myself is once a month when he goes for a haircut, and then it's only for a couple of hours. Otherwise, I love retirement and agree that it's a treat not to have to interact with demanding bosses and annoying, dysfunctional co-workers.
I love it! I like people and can get along with most everyone but there were always the inevitable ones in both our working worlds I would have chosen not to spend time with.
I put a lot of value during our working years in being a good, supportive wife so there was a lot of showing up and volunteering in efforts I had little interest in. The absolute most difficult for me were his years as a college wrestling coach and part-time football coach.
I'm just not a rah-rah person and hauling two toddlers to all the games and meets when I'd have rather been home with a good book was challenging. (Not to mention learning when it was appropriate to cheer and when not to!)
Location: Foothills of Maryland Blue Ridge mountains
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OP....you’re on target. Yes it can be frustrating occasionally dealing with incompetence but I don’t find it to be a big deal. I just don’t associate with those tradespeople, restaurants, etc. again. That is a huge difference from having to work with disagreeable co-workers every day. And if anything, I’m a lot more patient with the inconveniences in my life because I have more time and I’m less stressed.
It’s been 5 years since we’ve retired and I'm still grateful I have the ability to choose who I spend my time with. I don’t think that will ever get old. It’s a wonderful feeling.
I have read multiple threads that say one of the big bonuses of retirement is no more "forced associations" with people. I agree. Throughout my life I have been thrown into situations with people I would rather not know. Some jobs were worse than others. Not only with supervisors, but co-workers. Some I just could not stand, but had to deal with them as part of the job structure. Once retired, I am looking forward to just interacting with people I want to, not because I have to. Do you feel that way about retirement?
If you mean I get to choose the groups/persons with which I associate, then Yes & Amen.
An exception for some people might be their extended families but I'm lucky enough to love and be accepted by mine.
Still, in retirement there are times I have had to extricate myself from certain people & circles. It's my choice to separate from them & that's good but seldom easy. DH & I leaving our long-time church is one particularly painful and awkward example.
I have read multiple threads that say one of the big bonuses of retirement is no more "forced associations" with people. I agree. Throughout my life I have been thrown into situations with people I would rather not know. Some jobs were worse than others. Not only with supervisors, but co-workers. Some I just could not stand, but had to deal with them as part of the job structure. Once retired, I am looking forward to just interacting with people I want to, not because I have to. Do you feel that way about retirement?
Quote:
Originally Posted by WellShoneMoon
I feel that way about getting older in general. The older I get, the more I realize that I siimply don't need to associate with people who make me feel bad, for whatever reason. I wish I learned this lesson years ago.
Amen, amen, amen! I will include family in the above. I don't have to put up with anybody who makes me feel bad anymore. Period. Such freedom!
I love my alone time, mostly spent with my sweet dog. I'm blessed to have a really quiet apartment. I have a few precious friends. I'm pretty darned content now.
I finally realized that that was the ultimate goal - contentment. It's not realistic to expect to be happy all the time. But, to be content - that's easier to maintain and is sweet.
It was awful to have to go somewhere with people I didn't like every day at a job. I get what you're talking about OP. It's so nice to not have to deal with that anymore.
Sweet solitude and freedom. I am content with my situation as a life long introvert who was forced to be an extrovert in the working world. Done with all that soul sucking mess.
.... Once retired, I am looking forward to just interacting with people I want to, not because I have to. Do you feel that way about retirement?
I have been retired quite awhile. It very rare for me to find myself in "forced relationships", but I do have to deal with unpleasant people from time to time. It's just part of life.
In the past twenty years I have twice found myself in relationships with a person who turned out to be unpleasant or doing things that were harmful to others. In one case I dumped the person outright and said why. In the other case the person got angry with me, which solved the problem.
Hasn't been much of a problem in retirement.
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Since retirement I spend all my time with a husband who is needy and dependent. He doesn't have any social interaction except for me, he almost never goes out, and he and hates it when I do. He's obese and out of shape with arthritis, and he needs help with many everyday tasks. He also has macular degeneration, and soon, if he needs to go out I will have to drive him.
