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Here are some Actual Announcements Taken From Church Bulletins.
Don't let worry kill you -- Let the church help.
Thursday night -- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and the community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:-00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water," One of the ladies will start quietly, and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" -- come early and listen to our choir practice.
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest cough to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking, there's no paper in this one either."
There are only two things you ever really have to worry about; either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, you have nothing to worry about. If you are sick, you only have two things to worry about; either you will get well, or you will die.
If you get well, you have nothing to worry about. If you die, you only have two things to worry about; either you will go to Heaven, or you will go to Hell.
If you go to Heaven, you have nothing to worry about. If you go to Hell, you'll be too busy shaking hands with friends to worry.
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, that rhymes with mitt.
