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Ok, so I need some opinions here. This is the situation. Sorry it's long, but I want to try to give you as much info as I can...
My mother passed away in March 2009. Both she and my father were/are alcoholics (not that it's entirely pertinent to this, but just fyi). My father is almost 72 years old.
My long time friend (of 20 years) has recently decided to start visiting my father once again. She has somewhat of a habit of being around for a bit, then dropping off the earth. She also (ever since I've know her), has been known to be a bit manipulative at times. She's also ALWAYS got drama in her life in some way or another, therefore we are not nearly as close as what we used to be...I'm grown...and don't need the BS.
So she's having some sort of issue with her family, saying that her mother "kidnapped" her 14 y/o daughter. She says the got the authorities involved and yada yada yada. They supposedly couldn't locate her mother or daughter. Anyway....
As if my father doesn't have enough to deal with, still dealing with the death of his wife of 43 years, this so called friend of mine, is unloading her whole sob story on him, making him worry and stress about her. She goes on to tell him that she's going to hire an attorney (which I can't figure out why she needs an attorney...unless there are custody issues that she's conveniently not telling us about, which has been the case in the past - her mom had custody of her daughter for some time...not sure if she ever really got custody granted back to her or not by the courts).
So, my dad...being the soft hearted old man he's become...offers her a "loan" of $900...and she accepts it. Now she's mad at me for being PISSED about it! She tells me that she's going to pay it half back this week, then the other half next week. I'm thinking...if you can pay it back that fast...why'd you need it to begin with?????
Well just from what you have given us, my opinion is that your friend is selfish and manipulative and should be ashamed for taking money from this man and even dumping all of her problems on him but darling, at the end of the day it's your Father who agreed to give the money and who allows her to spill all of her problems onto him. If he's not worried about it, you shouldn't be either. All you can do is voice your concern to him but ultimately you are going to add more stress by doing this than just leaving it alone.
They are both adults and it's not your right to say anything or do anything.
Sounds like she pulled a fast one. Warmed the old man over and then hit him with a sob story while he was still vulnerable. Once she's paid the loan in full I'd let her know that you're not too jazzed about her hitting your family up for a loan (even if he did offer it) and that you would prefer she no longer accepts money from your family. Meanwhile keep an eye out on your dad to make sure she's not sniffing around for more money.
If she pays it back you don't have to kick her tail about it do you?
Your Dad probably doesn't need her drama and you should make sure your friend knows you're not exactly happy about her insinuating herself in your Dad's life. If her kids were taken away from her by her own Mother, that should tell you something ain't right in her life. It would probably be a good idea not to allow her too much access to your Dad and also warn him against lending her money.
He's an adult and will probably do what he wants to do anyhow against what you think is right, but at least you can't say you didn't try to warn him against it.
Your dad's a grown man and even though he may still be grieving, it sounds like he extended the offer of a loan to her. Not much you can do about that.
I hope she pays it back but I'll bet my eye teeth you aren't going to see it anytime soon, if ever. She'll drop off the face of the earth again.......
I definitely am not going to say anything to my dad about it. He doesn't need the added stress, for sure! I am worried about her "sniffing" around for more cash. I feel like such a jackass b/c I have defended this girl to both of my sisters and my S/O. They all said that that's why she probably was coming around. And for the longest time, and kept telling them that she would know better, and that she wouldn't do that. Boy was I wrong!
I spoke with her about it, and made it perfectly clear that she is not to accept or ask him for money from this point on, and not to be dropping all her drama in his lap! He doesn't need it.
As far as her paying him back, if she does, GREAT...but I seriously have my doubts.
The thing that really sucks, is that I live 10 hours away, so can't keep a close eye on her/him...but luckily I have a sister and a niece that are at his house on a regular basis...and the niece handles his checkbook...so she'll know if it happens again.
You may want to have someone keep an eye out on any valuables around the home, especially any of your mom's jewelry that may still be around.
Thanks. Give me another thing to worry about that hadn't crossed my mind yet, lol. Mom didn't keep much jewelery at all, and what she did have that was worth anything, was buried with her, or she gave it to us girls already. She does have a nice little coin collection that's worth some cash, locked in their safe in their bedroom though.
I really hope that doesn't become an issue. I'd hate to go jail for murdering the person I THOUGHT was a good friend! lol
I'm just so worried that she's going to take full advantage and get everything she can from him now that she knows she can use him as an ATM...and we won't be able to do anything about it.
Unless your father has Alzheimer's or something else that has rendered him mentally unfit to make his own decisions, he's a grown man who is free to do what he wants with his money... for all you know there was a little quid pro quo deal that took place during her visits to dear old dad. He may be old but that doesn't make him stupid... and he's not dead yet, he's still a man. (If I had to bet money on what's happening here, based on what little has been posted here, I'd guess she's taking care of dad in ways you can't... a little tit for tat.)
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She'll drop off the face of the earth again.......
