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Srry fot he repost in my older topic, I meant to start a new one with this, so people didnt have to search for it.
Alright bro, this is really the same thing that's been going on since day one. We've offered you tons of advice, and yet, you're still unable to see what is so obvious to the rest of us. I don't care if she says that God told her she's a unicorn and that she's destined to become the next greatest gnome in the galaxy. This isn't about her, it's about you.
Let me make this plain and simple for you:
Take back control of your life and move on. Nothing's changing here, and you're only beating yourself up over a situation that you can't control.
Thanks again to everyone here for your repsonses, I realize that I need to take back control in my life. Thats something I am working on with the counselor. I realize that myself being controlled, manipulated, and basically being used as a doormat has a lot to do with that. BUt thankfully I am coming along, and do realize whats going on here....its just like I said before though, I dont have anyone to talk to ( other than the counselor ), and as sad as it is, I guess everyone here is the closest thing I have to friends at the moment, so apologize for the repetativeness of my posts. But I do understand that I need to go, I really see that myself and her were just not meant to be, and she continues to use ways to manipulate me into coming back, even with the last text messages. Its just nice to have some feedback, after such a long time being alone and voiceless. So thanks to everyone for remedying that for me in this time.
Manipulating, controlling, has nothing to do with God. Thats nothing but a smoke screen so you'll comply.
Theres nothing spiritual about this woman. Good to see you plan to move on, let it be your Xmas gift to yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh_GW
Thanks again to everyone here for your repsonses, I realize that I need to take back control in my life. Thats something I am working on with the counselor. I realize that myself being controlled, manipulated, and basically being used as a doormat has a lot to do with that. BUt thankfully I am coming along, and do realize whats going on here....its just like I said before though, I dont have anyone to talk to ( other than the counselor ), and as sad as it is, I guess everyone here is the closest thing I have to friends at the moment, so apologize for the repetativeness of my posts. But I do understand that I need to go, I really see that myself and her were just not meant to be, and she continues to use ways to manipulate me into coming back, even with the last text messages. Its just nice to have some feedback, after such a long time being alone and voiceless. So thanks to everyone for remedying that for me in this time.
You will be so much happier when you move on. I dated a guy for years who was a total jerk. When we broke up I met the man who is now my husband and when I look back at all I went through with my ex I feel like wow I can't believe I put up with all that. My husband is great and the love of my life. Move on from this woman. You will meet someone much better than her. Continuing this drama is only holding up your life and happiness.
Thanks again to everyone here for your repsonses, I realize that I need to take back control in my life. Thats something I am working on with the counselor. I realize that myself being controlled, manipulated, and basically being used as a doormat has a lot to do with that. BUt thankfully I am coming along, and do realize whats going on here....its just like I said before though, I dont have anyone to talk to ( other than the counselor ), and as sad as it is, I guess everyone here is the closest thing I have to friends at the moment, so apologize for the repetativeness of my posts. But I do understand that I need to go, I really see that myself and her were just not meant to be, and she continues to use ways to manipulate me into coming back, even with the last text messages. Its just nice to have some feedback, after such a long time being alone and voiceless. So thanks to everyone for remedying that for me in this time.
Hey Josh, it's cool.. I think we all understand your situation, it we understand that you're basically going through hell..
Let me tell you a few things here.. I'll call it, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The good: You're moving forward. You're trying to get help, you're doing something that a lot of people are just simply too afraid to do: You're asking for help, but not only that, you're actually going to someone to get that help. Bro, that takes a lot of courage, and I mean that. I'm glad to her that things are getting better for you, and as long as you keep moving forward, things will keep getting better.
The bad: You're going through much of this alone. This isn't your fault, it's just a fact of life. You went for so long without realizing what was going on and she took advantage of that. She made you into her little puppet, and never allowed you to really live your own life. Again, you're doing a lot to take back your life, and that is extremely admirable. I believe that you're much stronger than you think you are.
And finally, The Ugly: You're still allowing yourself to be in this situation. You are trying to fight several battles at once here, and because of that, the "war" may be lost. When all is said and done, you're basically fighting to get your life back. As long as you continue to allow her to act in this way, and as long as you continue to con yourself into believing that she's going to change, you'll just keep loosing battle after battle.
I very rarely tell someone that it's time to move on when they are married. I believe in marriage, and that when a vow is given that that vow should be fulfilled, no matter what. But, in this case, both of you are hurting, and swiftly sinking into that deep abyss that causes permanent damage. You admitted before that you've lost your identity, that you no longer know right from wrong. This is something that nobody should ever face, especially someone like you. In my opinion, and I hold to this opinion strongly, you simply won't get better until you remove yourself from this situation.
My friend, there is no need to apologize about asking questions. There's nothing wrong with that. But at the same time, when you ask a question, and someone answers, read that answer with an intent to learn and understand. Once you've taken in the information, decide what is best for you and use that. Nobody on here, especially me, can tell you what to do with your life. That's your choice all the way.
You know that if there's anything you need to talk about, you can always come on here.. These forums are filled with great people who really know what they're talking about.
Urban, love your posts time and thoughtfulness, I disagree with one
thing you said, "shes hurting", unless you'd rather not go there.
and IMO the OP needs to understand in order to move on..........in case hes having any doubts...........
She knows shes hurting him, its a game that gives her some power.
I hope OP follows thru and gets some counseling for himself, so he doesn't find himself in similar relationships in the future.
Thank you everyone. Yes, it is very difficult for me to spepartate myself from her. I do strongly beleive that the manipulating has a lot to do with it. But I feel so good right now, as good as I have felt in a while ( since before the relationship ). I do understand more than ever that sometimes people are just not meant to be, as I made a list of things we fight over, and it seems to be everything from family, religion, morals,money,respect, where to live, how to live etc, you name it its there. Knowing that I made myself sick to death ( literally ) in this relatioinship, trying to do things right, but was being manipulated to feel otherwise, and in doing so losing all that I was...is something that surpasses a relationhsip, it was my livelyhood period.
Now that I am slowly listening to myself, and what my heart and mind tell me, it bothers me that I was unable to make a move earlier, when I registerd what was going on ( the agression, manipulation, constant dangerous conflicts, being sick all the time, break downs ) but ingnored it becuase of my feelings of inadequacy. I know that I was never perfect, and that I acted in ways I never should have, but understand that this is a new page in my life, something that I have and will learn from. I just cant tell everyone here how much I appreciate your advice, help, guidence. To tell you the truth, I first posted here becuase I beleived I was going crazy, I was dieing in my relationship, but was made to feel that I was too sensetive, handling everything the wrong way, being told this is something that every new couple goes through. I just was so lost, alone, and in that needed to know, if I was seriously making something out of nothing, and making myself go though and feel all the things I did. So just thank you for giving me a voice, in a time where I did not have one. I hope everyone knows how much I appreciate that.
Just stopping by to wish you strength in rebuilding your life. You seem to have come a long way so far. Keep up the good work and you'll soon find yourself relishing the joys life has to offer!
OP, start a list of what you want in a woman in the future, look it over, edit it when necessary. This will help you focus on the future.
Best Wishes on the journey.
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