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I wouldnt be happy with it, but I wouldnt be all "Oh please call me, I just need closure. Waaaah waaaah waaaaah booo hoooo give me closure". Id be like "eff you bit*h, I'll find someone else". Its easy to find someone else. Besides, I think Im a pretty good judge of character and know that I wouldnt spend 3 years with someone who would stab me in the back.
I highly doubt you get lucky with all of your judgements all the time...but yes I would want to move on too. There are stages..1-WTH? did I do? 2-maybe its a mood swing. 3-Well eff you too..Im done. 4-dwell or move on.
And you would think you wouldn't be with a person who stabs you in the back...but people change over time.
Recently I decided to 'call things off' with a guy I was dating. We had about a quick 5 minute conversation and I told him I didnt want to see him again.
A week later, I was feeling sorry for breaking it off with him. I really liked him, and to hear myself say I didnt want to see him again hurt me just as much as it hurt him (yes he was hurt) So I called, we discuss the issue for nearly 2 hours, and then switched the topic to lighter things and were on great terms...and the next weekend we went on vacation together to a city 4 hours away and had a wonderful time and we're back together.
Closure is good. When you think it may be over, can be overcome. Unfortunently many people these days are too weak to do that, or dont know how to do that.
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Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
handsome prince she could not live w/o magically turns into a odious croaking reptile.
Amphibian
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Originally Posted by spinx
and after years of self-doubt and issues with questions of what I had done to make him run away so fast (lol), I finally realized the problem was him. That was the greatest closure for me.
you know, to think about it I think thats the reason for 99% of why guys disappear. Its them!
They arent over their x, so they disappear
They have money issues, and disappear
They are still living with the parents at 30 and disappear
They feel inadequate and disappear
They are insecure about relationships and disappear
Thanks guys for your input. I can understand how people just say let's be friend instead of lover or disappear...but it's hard to swallow when they say they want a break because they are simply confused/busy/need to deal with problems et but do not expect you to see anyone because they say they will come back and give you a proper answer...
1) but the next thing you know is they are dating another girl...
2) or a few months later, they say we broke up ages ago, didn't you know? Why did we break up? Well, we didn't break up, there is no reason but we just did....while all the time, you asked them whether this "break" is a break up as it's totally cool but they assured you that they still miss you but just need more time...
3) or they say "I am still confused. I am not sure about my feelings. why don't we have a pack and if we are still single in 5 years times, we'll get married"....then when you say "OK, I had it up to here....I need to move on"...then they say "I was about to propose to you".....4 years later they married the next girl they meet...
4) Why are you happy with me dating another girl?! Well, I didn't broke up with you, it was you who didn't pick things up when I was confused...
I mean don't people think it through when they break up and tried at least be a bit more considerate...instead it's always leaving a second chance to yourself, stringing the other half on until you are absolutely sure you know you have completely moved on....it's actually worse than cheating on another person...it leaves the other thinking whether they can trust another person again, whether they have done anything wrong by being nice by waiting and helping them through with their problems, whether they seriously ever went through their so called "confusion"/"problems", whether they are simply out of their mind....it's just not clean and confusing.
[quote=LaoTzuMindFu;11320591]There are women out there who STILL want closure even after telling them that. They are like "Why?", "But why?", "Why?", "WHY?", "Maybe we can work on it if you tell me why?". "Just tell me why?", "Why? Was it something I said?", "Why, was it something I did?", "You owe it to me to tell me why?", "I just really need to know why?".
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It's fine if you don't tell them why but do you actually know why yourself? I find myself asking why when you responded lightly and said "it's all cool", "fine, we can be friends"...then you find the guys crawling back to your life and say things like how upset they were, how confused, what a regret...you forgive them and give them another chance...then they disappeared....It's like "why did you do that? Don't you know why"...
I've dumped people before and none of them ever questioned me why as I tell them honestly and neither do I get upset with them if they are cool with it or moved on the next day....
I am a true believer about moving on if we are not compatible. I cared but never really cared why we broke up until they start getting irritated by your non-reaction or the fact you moved on too quickly...that's when they start messing with your head...it's not so much the breakup, it's just why are they so unsure and leave a tail hanging. It happens to me everytime, and it's starting to get frustrating. Like you are supposed to be grown adults, why do you want me to chase you back and make me feel bad when you are the one who dump me.
Well, I am actually talking about finding your boyfriend suddenly dating another person, then you asked them whether we have broken up and how when 2 days earlier he tells you how terribly sorry he is not being there and how he misses you. When confronted he said we never broke up on any particular day, for any particular reason but we just did.
So you say "ok, cool, I am happy for you for dating another person". Then he got mad at you for being happy and accused you for being the one not picking things up and being unstable to ask him whether he was dating another person when we are trying to pick things up. Then they refused to talk to you or explain what they mean and everyone thinks that I hurted him and ruined his heart.
To this day, he still acts like the victim and I am the one who didn't work things up when he was the one who was cheating behind my back.
Getting 'closure' and explanations may help you (though it may very well not), but it may also hurt the person who has to do it...sometimes you don't want to relive or deal again with something that was painful and didn't work out. At least not by rehashing it or dealing with that person again.
Because some people are cowards, afraid to do the right thing and don't have the balls to be honest with you about why the relationship is ending. Yes, closure is nice, questions answered also nice but not everyone will break up in a mature way and you have to be prepared for that.
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I highly doubt you get lucky with all of your judgements all the time...but yes I would want to move on too. There are stages..1-WTH? did I do? 2-maybe its a mood swing. 3-Well eff you too..Im done. 4-dwell or move on.
