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You are as much at fault as he is. You are not communicating, or you are not meaning what you are saying. You told him that you didnt want to have dinner beforehand because you wanted to study for a test. Then you said you would have been willing to hang out beforehand. That makes no sense. Either you need time to study or you dont.
Communicate without the drama. No one wants to hear that.
Well maybe if he had just spoken to me before going ahead and texting his friends, we wouldn't of been in this situation. He told me we were leaving together to go to the game. That was it. If he wanted to change that, he should of said something to me FIRST before texting them. That really isn't too much to ask, is it?
Pertaining to the issue...to me that did not need to escalate the way it did.
You said you didn't want to go to dinner or hang out before hand, and he modified his plans. He told you what was up and you flew off the handle for no reason. I don't think you're controlling, but feeling excluded because you didn't want to go to something isn't making any sense to me. He may not have told you that was his plan right then and there, but he still told you.
As far as his behavior though, the way he went about it sounded manipulative, passive aggresive, and like another poster said, gaslighting.
I think you both have a communication issue. You don't know how to talk to him without your feelings getting out of control, and he doesn't know how to talk to you without being passive aggressive. Both of you need to work on that if the relationship is going to work.
Pertaining to the issue...to me that did not need to escalate the way it did.
You said you didn't want to go to dinner or hang out before hand, and he modified his plans. He told you what was up and you flew off the handle for no reason. I don't think you're controlling, but feeling excluded because you didn't want to go to something isn't making any sense to me. He may not have told you that was his plan right then and there, but he still told you.
As far as his behavior though, the way he went about it sounded manipulative, passive aggresive, and like another poster said, gaslighting.
I think you both have a communication issue. You don't know how to talk to him without your feelings getting out of control, and he doesn't know how to talk to you without being passive aggressive. Both of you need to work on that if the relationship is going to work.
I stopped reading after this line because that is in fact NOT what happened! Read the OP again
I stopped reading after this line because that is in fact NOT what happened! Read the OP again
It doesn't matter, the fact still remains, and what I said after that line is still valid. You told him you didn't want to hang out and you didn't want to go to dinner. He changed the plans before he told you and instead of talking to him calmly, you went off.
Well how can I make it affect him? Because it's annoying for me. I'm tired of getting all upset because you're right, he's not going to change.
This happens when he's the one in charge of communicating the plans. When it's my friends and I invite him out, I'm very explicit about what's going on and there is never any confusion or arguing. It just seems that he has this "you can't control me" attitude and he privately communicates to his friends one thing, and then something different to me. When I ask to be more involved, I can tell he thinks it's about control and not me trying to avoid a headache.
BOTH of you need to change. You need to be more explicit on your end- particularly with the dinner/studying issue. You said you needed to study, so he took it to mean you wouldn’t be available to leave early. That is a reasonable assumption to make. However, if it’s his friends and he wants to spend time with him, I don’t see why it’s a crime for him to meet them beforehand and you can meet them at the game. If you had an alternative in mind, like you could maybe go for drinks shortly before the game but not a full dinner, then that’s something you would need to TELL your boyfriend.
As for the wedding, again, he’s not going to change unless you change. If you can’t get ready, say so and tell him you’ll be arriving at the originally planned time. Period.
I was simply providing an example of how he doesn't think about other people sometimes.
And yeah I agree with you that this isn't a huge deal, especially as an isolated incident, but it is a pattern now. We had a wedding a few weeks ago and he told me to be ready at X time but then in the morning told a different couple we would meet them at the hotel without telling me until after I woke up late, giving me like 45 minutes to get ready for something I didn't know existed.
I just noticed he kind of "does his own thing" and makes me feel excluded or uninvolved and also makes me feel ****ty for being upset about that. So I guess it's a weird problem. And I mentioned the late thing because I believe he does this because HE thinks its no big deal, therefore everybody should think its no big deal.
He couldn't tell you, because you were asleep when he made those plans. It was a spur-the-moment, off-the-cuff thing. Would you have wanted him to wake you up?
Well maybe if he had just spoken to me before going ahead and texting his friends, we wouldn't of been in this situation. He told me we were leaving together to go to the game. That was it. If he wanted to change that, he should of said something to me FIRST before texting them. That really isn't too much to ask, is it?
Why did he need to check with you before texting his friends? You said you didn't want to go to dinner before the game and he took you at your word.
"he should of said something to me FIRST before texting them" implies he needs your permission. What would you have said? Would you have told him no and started crying then?
Word of advice: Guys absolutely hate for women to turn on the waterworks to get their way. It's manipulative and underhanded. If you really want him to listen to you, then talk calmly and rationally. Don't cry.
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