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The whole thing feels weird. Getting sympathy feels weird. Should I be more sad to deserve sympathy? I don't know how I feel. But I do appreciate your kindness!
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
First, sorry for your loss. How stressful.
Second, find out the website for the administrator of the pension plan. No ones in the office, but the email is being monitored (IME) use the contact form to request information on how to begin survivors benefits, or check the information provided at the site on how to begin. The benefits may be available to commence immediately with a notice of death.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
I am sorry for your loss, Sonic. The Rainbow Directory should have a lot of resources for things like emergency financial assistance for situations like this. Its usually in the Reference section of public librairies but I think it is available online as well. Its hard now with everything closed but hopefully a lot of services can still be accessed remotely. I hope your mom gets the help she needs!
Or she can call 211 or visit 211.org to access resources.
Thank you very much for this information. I will share it with my Mom.
I hope she is able to get some help to see her through for a bit, too. She is very isolated in the middle of nowhere (northern Arkansas, Ozarks) and I've worried for years what would become of her once her parents were gone, and along with them, her safety net in general.
Sonic, i'm very sorry for your loss...(hugs)
I remember when my granpa & granma passed on (my dad's parents).
Granma was 96, she loved to work in her backyard on her garden & flowers. She loved to cook/bake, especially her pastries.
Granpa was 97, he had a small shoe repair shop he loved. He loved to make shoes & repair them.
They were much loved grandparents, large family they loved.
The whole thing feels weird. Getting sympathy feels weird. Should I be more sad to deserve sympathy? I don't know how I feel. But I do appreciate your kindness!
Thank you very much for this information. I will share it with my Mom.
I hope she is able to get some help to see her through for a bit, too. She is very isolated in the middle of nowhere (northern Arkansas, Ozarks) and I've worried for years what would become of her once her parents were gone, and along with them, her safety net in general.
How about empathy for feeling conflicted. I felt that way when my father died. I had some sadness when he went, but it was followed by a rush of anger that made people's condolences, or my accepting them, seem dishonest maybe.
And good luck with your mom. You're getting that sandwich generation experience and that too is a *****.
How about empathy for feeling conflicted. I felt that way when my father died. I had some sadness when he went, but it was followed by a rush of anger that made people's condolences, or my accepting them, seem dishonest maybe.
And good luck with your mom. You're getting that sandwich generation experience and that too is a *****.
Thanks. I'm not angry either, just... I'm not feeling anything intense about this. Most of my feelings for him were attached to memories from my childhood. He was a really good Grandpa to the little girl that was me, once upon a time. But that was a long, long time ago.
And as an adult I've been kind of cut adrift from my family...I have not been geographically close to them for decades, and years go by without visits...
Mostly I'm just worried about my Mom, and I want to find ways to be supportive to her while still protecting the boundaries I know I've got to have. I need to phone one of my younger brothers, too. I have one brother who grew up estranged from this branch of the family, and I know he's fine, but the other one might really be hurting. So it's like...I'm OK, just trying to work out best ways to be supportive to others who might not be.
And yes, the sandwich thing is stressful.
But to be honest, I have dealt with enough people who thought to trade on an obligatory bond that someone did not even properly consent to, to take advantage of them... I know enough to pick and choose what support I will give, and when, and how. My Mom is 61, and has no savings, lives on the verge of crisis and has for a long time. I've seen her take the most extravagant packages of help from others and do the stupidest things with them...she ran up credit cards in her parents' names, to renovate a glorified trailer in the middle of NOWHERE that nobody with any sense is ever going to want to buy. Now the septic system is nearing the end of its life and she's saying it's going to cost over $30K to keep the whole thing from being condemned because of that. But yeah, she build a pretty little guest cottage and a pretty stone bridge over the ditch to the mailbox and a sort of hutch attached to the house for the cats to go outside... And she's got like a dozen pets when she can't always reliably pay her bills or feed herself. Oh, and she's got a long distance "relationship" with a lesbian woman in the Philippines and she sends her money...well, when she has any money...
I love my Mom. But I can not let her problems be my problems, because she will never stop creating more. She would destroy me before I could save her. It makes me sad but I can't have delusions about it. So I don't let her guilt me into giving her money or anything. If I help now, I'm thinking like maybe a couple hundred bucks a month from now to November, and then stopping. I could afford that.
I also know that I never loan money to family or friends. If I can afford to give it, I give it. Then there are no strings attached. They do whatever they want with it. If I have a specific thing I want my money to pay for, I do that directly or not at all. I don't give them money and get mad about what they spend it on. I have this whole set of personal rules about family and money, and my Mom and her parents are the main reason why.
How about empathy for feeling conflicted. I felt that way when my father died. I had some sadness when he went, but it was followed by a rush of anger that made people's condolences, or my accepting them, seem dishonest maybe.
And good luck with your mom. You're getting that sandwich generation experience and that too is a *****.
My Dad died a couple of years ago and I had mixed feelings, as I think a lot of people do. I had a weird relationship with my dad. It's hard to describe really. I think what took me back more than any else was that we all thought he was on a road to recovery and his death was completely a surprise in that respect.
I'm sort of embarrassed to admit this but I felt more neutral about his death than I probably would have thought I would have felt, or what is considered socially acceptable to say out loud in mixed settings.
My Dad died a couple of years ago and I had mixed feelings, as I think a lot of people do. I had a weird relationship with my dad. It's hard to describe really. I think what took me back more than any else was that we all thought he was on a road to recovery and his death was completely a surprise in that respect.
I'm sort of embarrassed to admit this but I felt more neutral about his death than I probably would have thought I would have felt, or what is considered socially acceptable to say out loud in mixed settings.
It's definitely weird.
Like I should feel something. More of something, than I do.
But right now, life is so strange, I feel like it's all rather surreal. Dozens of downright inconceivable things have become the new normal in the last couple of months. It's a bit hard to know how to feel about anything. I've been sleeping a lot, and having weird dreams.
My younger son is applying to work at Target, and he just asked me if he should fake a British accent in his interview, to sound more sophisticated.
I'm dying over here.
LOL! Kids... to be kept around for comic relief.
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