Little Things or Big Things? I don't want to end on little things.
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My Finace moved here from Japan last month. She is under a lot of stress so we are fighting a lot. Every weekend almost. She get's angry at me for things that I consider "little". I get angry that she is yelling at me for these mistakes. She says they are not little and the fact that I think they means that we shouldn't be together. I want to know if these things are actually a big deal, or if it's just her being stressed from moving to another country.
Friday night and Saturday we were with each other all day. Friday night we had drinks downtown alone and Saturday we went shopping and then had fish at a restaraunt like she had been craving for a while now. Everything was really good. Sunday I went out to a Portuguese Language club with friends in the morning. She was invitied, but she had no interest so she didn't go. We talked about going out to get her a dress after I get back. When I get back, I am very sleepy. She is dressed very nice, and I remember thinking" Why is she dressed so nice". I laid down and started to nap and she said are you going to sleep? I thought we were going out. I said, oh yeah I forgot. Ok give me 20 minutes and we will go. She said the "way" I said it made her upset. We didn't go because she was so upset. So I slept and then she got angry that I didn't apologize for forgetting. Then she got angrier that I told her she needs to relax. I kept saying that I didn't mean to forget and that once you reminded me I still wanted to go. I just wanted to nap for 20 min. BUt then she got angrier because she though I was blaming her for us fighting. (Which I kinda was).
This is one example. How can I go about this better. I don't want her to go home but off of this one fight she already seems like she wants to leave.
I only read the first paragraph which is all I needed.
If you are fighting now, in the best part of your relationship, wait till you get into more serious storms in life.
I think she is right, you two shouldn't be together.
Fast forward 5 years and there is a child suffering with the verbal assaults.
My Finace moved here from Japan last month. She is under a lot of stress so we are fighting a lot. Every weekend almost. She get's angry at me for things that I consider "little". I get angry that she is yelling at me for these mistakes. She says they are not little and the fact that I think they means that we shouldn't be together. I want to know if these things are actually a big deal, or if it's just her being stressed from moving to another country.
This is what I translated from this statement you wrote:
"I have no idea how women work."
Quote:
Originally Posted by SliceableStew
Friday night and Saturday we were with each other all day. Friday night we had drinks downtown alone and Saturday we went shopping and then had fish at a restaraunt like she had been craving for a while now. Everything was really good. Sunday I went out to a Portuguese Language club with friends in the morning. She was invitied, but she had no interest so she didn't go. We talked about going out to get her a dress after I get back. When I get back, I am very sleepy. She is dressed very nice, and I remember thinking" Why is she dressed so nice". I laid down and started to nap and she said are you going to sleep? I thought we were going out. I said, oh yeah I forgot. Ok give me 20 minutes and we will go. She said the "way" I said it made her upset. We didn't go because she was so upset. So I slept and then she got angry that I didn't apologize for forgetting. Then she got angrier that I told her she needs to relax. I kept saying that I didn't mean to forget and that once you reminded me I still wanted to go. I just wanted to nap for 20 min. BUt then she got angrier because she though I was blaming her for us fighting. (Which I kinda was).
And my statement was right...
No she was in her right. You also did not handle this properly. You said, a man's word, that you would get her dress as soon as you got back. But when you got back, you laid down to take a nap. Even when she was all dressed up, probably looking hot, looking ready to go. Then you fall right to asleep. What does that communicate to her? This is what you just communicated.
1. You didn't keep your end of your promise, meaning she is unimportant to you.
2. By falling asleep like that, you made her feel like she was second, third, or 358th.
3. You made her feel like she didn't matter.
Here's the correct response in parallel to your situation:
Quote:
Girl: "You're going to sleep!?"
Guy then remembers about getting dress so he gets up and goes up to her and holds her by her waists whilst gazing into her eyes.
Guy: "Listen baby, I had a rough day and I didn't mean to make you feel like you didn't matter to me. We'll go and do your thing but I need a few minutes to relax."
Her response will be anything but angry. Unless she doesn't care about your well being, but that's another story.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SliceableStew
This is one example. How can I go about this better. I don't want her to go home but off of this one fight she already seems like she wants to leave.
Women speak in a subtle-emotional language. The things you do may not seem like they matter but they matter to her. The reason why it doesn't matter to you is because we are more logical beings, not saying women aren't, but when it comes to attraction logic is usually the males best friend.
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Why is a guy going with his lady to buy a dress? Doesn't that seem odd? I've been in several LTRs and never made plans to take her clothes shopping.
And maybe more importantly, why is she yelling? I can't recall the last time I had a relationship where when one of us was upset/unhappy that we actually yelled at each other. Most people just talk.
Why is a guy going with his lady to buy a dress? Doesn't that seem odd? I've been in several LTRs and never made plans to take her clothes shopping.
He made a promise, his word, that he broke. Doesn't matter what it was he broke his word. When I say I'll do something, it happens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
And maybe more importantly, why is she yelling? I can't recall the last time I had a relationship where when one of us was upset/unhappy that we actually yelled at each other. Most people just talk.
Because he's acting weak and needy. Women respond to the attitude/mindset that you're currently in, whether negative or positive.
My Finace moved here from Japan last month. She is under a lot of stress so we are fighting a lot. Every weekend almost. She get's angry at me for things that I consider "little". I get angry that she is yelling at me for these mistakes. She says they are not little and the fact that I think they means that we shouldn't be together. I want to know if these things are actually a big deal, or if it's just her being stressed from moving to another country.
Friday night and Saturday we were with each other all day. Friday night we had drinks downtown alone and Saturday we went shopping and then had fish at a restaraunt like she had been craving for a while now. Everything was really good. Sunday I went out to a Portuguese Language club with friends in the morning. She was invitied, but she had no interest so she didn't go. We talked about going out to get her a dress after I get back. When I get back, I am very sleepy. She is dressed very nice, and I remember thinking" Why is she dressed so nice". I laid down and started to nap and she said are you going to sleep? I thought we were going out. I said, oh yeah I forgot. Ok give me 20 minutes and we will go. She said the "way" I said it made her upset. We didn't go because she was so upset. So I slept and then she got angry that I didn't apologize for forgetting. Then she got angrier that I told her she needs to relax. I kept saying that I didn't mean to forget and that once you reminded me I still wanted to go. I just wanted to nap for 20 min. BUt then she got angrier because she though I was blaming her for us fighting. (Which I kinda was).
This is one example. How can I go about this better. I don't want her to go home but off of this one fight she already seems like she wants to leave.
You don't understand. When a woman is picking a fight over little things, she isn't mad about the incident in question. In truth, she's looking for a reason to have a fight with you. Chances are there's a really big thing she's wanting to fight about.
Why is a guy going with his lady to buy a dress? Doesn't that seem odd? I've been in several LTRs and never made plans to take her clothes shopping.
And maybe more importantly, why is she yelling? I can't recall the last time I had a relationship where when one of us was upset/unhappy that we actually yelled at each other. Most people just talk.
She's in a new country. She probably doesn't have a car, may not have any access to transportation, may not speak the language fluently.
She's yelling because she's moved to another country to be with this man and he's being an insensitive dweeb. I would yell too.
You don't understand. When a woman is picking a fight over little things, she isn't mad about the incident in question. In truth, she's looking for a reason to have a fight with you. Chances are there's a really big thing she's wanting to fight about.
I totally agree. Or - she might be under a lot of stress and is simply lashing at out every little thing- but either way, there is something else going on.
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