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Hello CD. I'd like your advice on an odd little situation I've found myself in, seeing as how I've been off the dating scene for a very long time.
I recently started classes at university and it's going pretty well overall. After a long time working in the private sector it's refreshing to be back in the classroom, and it affords me good opportunities to socialize and meet women as well.
In one class in particular, my Arabic class, there's a rather cute Jewish girl who I've taken to chatting with. For the first two weeks I actually didn't talk to her much but last Thursday she approached me at the bus stop and chatted with me, and since she takes the same bus as I do we've been chatting quite a bit. It turns out she's incredibly intelligent, articulate and very political. We spent the first afternoon talking about Zionism (she's actually anti-Zionist) and situation in Palestine. She's basically perfect, even if she's not my usual type, physically speaking (not that someone with little dating success can afford to have a specific "type".)
All was going well, and it seemed that she was trying to get me to ask her out in the way she talked to me. Then all of a sudden, as we were chatting on Monday after class, she mentions a boyfriend. AAaarrrgh. Every time! That would usually be the end of the story. And yet, when we were hanging out yesterday, she seemed, if anything, even more interested. The only thing that was lacking was actually physical touching, like a hand on the knee or on the shoulder, that I notice other women often throw out as a way to show interest, though we did eventually part with a hug.
Honestly I wouldn't have made this thread if it was a simple situation of "Oh, well, she has a boyfriend like every other girl I would be interested in, time to move on." I would be perfectly fine being platonic with her, and yet she seems so...into me? I think it's likely I'm misreading her signals, and that she's just really friendly, but she's not an extrovert by nature. In fact, like me, she has depression and anxiety, a fact she related to me pretty early in our conversations, which I would think shows quite a degree of openness. Another possibility is that she could just be using me as an emotional (and oddly enough, political) sounding board, and that her boyfriend can't fulfill this role.
Even if someone seems interested, if they say they have a SO, then they probably aren't interested. Or they are a cheater. Neither good. It happens to women too. I remember meeting a guy in college who seemed really interested. He was kind of shy with others and I figured he was just too shy to ask me out, so I suggested meeting up one weekend to hang out. And he dropped the girlfriend bomb. I didn't talk to him anymore after that. If you are cool just being friends, I would leave it at that.
I think she is interested in you as a friend, but not romantically. It's obvious she enjoys hanging out with you, and she can probably talk to you about things that greatly interest her, that she can't discuss with anyone else. Sorry Man, it sucks I know, but those are the breaks.
I suppose it was more a case of wishful thinking than anything else. It's always the ones that seem to be the most compatible that are in relationships.
It's a shame that women and men can't be friends like they are with the same sex. If one finds the other attractive and fun, they think that other person's interest means something.
For me, I try not to be overly flirty or friendly to the opposite sex if I'm not interested, think they aren't into me, or am in a relationship. Unfortunately, I think this sometimes has kept me from getting asked out by someone I'm interested in.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyrallnamestaken
It's a shame that women and men can't be friends like they are with the same sex. If one finds the other attractive and fun, they think that other person's interest means something.
They can if people are mature and communicate well.
It's a shame that women and men can't be friends like they are with the same sex. If one finds the other attractive and fun, they think that other person's interest means something.
For me, I try not to be overly flirty or friendly to the opposite sex if I'm not interested, think they aren't into me, or am in a relationship. Unfortunately, I think this sometimes has kept me from getting asked out by someone I'm interested in.
I agree for the most part. I'd just like to restate that I have no problem having a platonic relationship with this woman, but I thought she might have been pushing for something more until the boyfriend came up.
Hmmm… I guess I have a slightly different take on this seeing as how I've been the woman in that scenario many times. Sometimes I really did feel just a platonic affection for the guy - and sometimes it was more. I was engaged when I met my husband. Never say never!
I agree for the most part. I'd just like to restate that I have no problem having a platonic relationship with this woman, but I thought she might have been pushing for something more until the boyfriend came up.
Sounds like a case of shared intellect and you find brains and beauty a good combo. Respect the boundary of her relationship. Make friends. Continue to hold conversations with her. Inevitably, you'll probably meet someone in her social sphere that is single and smart as well.
Friendships with a little chemistry and tension are worthwhile. Just don't ruin it by making an inappropriate pass!
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