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To throw away a relationship based on that is plain D-U-M-B!
I believe you'll regret it the rest of your life.
You need to get that pride in check. That's what it is. You know that---right?!
Finish school, and stop fretting about stuff that really is not that big of a deal.
^^^This. A scholarship is quite an achievement and something to be celebrated. Don't wreck it because you haven't been afforded the same financial opportunity.
Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
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You are not holding her back. She made the choice to be with you.
Breaking up with her will be a very bad decision.
You have a gal who loves you for who you are!
You can't assume that because she is in a better financial position than you are right now that it will always be like that. Life takes many twists and in the future you may be the one who is in a better position financially. All that matters is the love and if she doesn't have a problem with the finances then it isn't a problem! Leave it alone. People have so many relationship issues and this is not a matter to break up a great relationship over.
This isn't about her it's about him and his pride. If the relationship fails it's will be due to his own issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556
Just remember that women wanted equality really bad, and here is the result. Some of us guys have not grasped that yet. I try to think it's perfectly normal to have the female in a better position nowadays.
Just keep reinforcing that you are really happy for her. If you sulk about it, you might come off as feeling sad for her which she wouldn't like.
^^^This. A scholarship is quite an achievement and something to be celebrated. Don't wreck it because you haven't been afforded the same financial opportunity.
You should be congratulating her, and celebrating with her, not having your heart sink.
I have a friend who very early in her career as a professor, won several awards: a fellowship, a research grant, and some other prestigious thing. Her colleagues and department chair, instead of feeling that this was a validation of their hiring an outstanding scholar, actually tried to undermine her awards, and prevent her from accepting them! It was unbelievable the extreme reactions and opposition she had to contend with whenever anything good happened to her professionally.
You're putting the person who supposedly is your beloved in a similar position. (This seems to be a problem for high-achieving women, sadly.) Instead of being proud of her, you're only thinking of yourself, and are feeling diminished by her achievement. If she had any idea what you're thinking right now, she'd have sufficient grounds to question the relationship altogether. I hope you can rectify your feelings before they become evident to her. You have a REALLY good thing going, and it would be a real shame to let your insecurities come in the way of true happiness, dare I say bliss?, for both of you.
If you're still having trouble with the issue after this thread runs its course, I'd suggest you visit the counseling center on campus, to get professional help working through your feelings. But hopefully that won't be necessary. You seem like a good guy. I'm sure you'd want the best for the person you love and plan to marry. Why wouldn't you?
I am a 26 year old man and I recently got engaged to my wonderful 32 year old girlfriend of 6 years. We met while we were studying for our undergrad degrees, and she is currently studying for her PhD, while I am studying for my Master's. Yesterday, we got the news that my fiance has won a $60,000 scholarship, and while I was incredibly happy and proud of her, I almost ended our relationship because I can't help but feel that I am holding her back.
Since we are both students, we are currently living in a tiny studio apartment. My girlfriend has never struggled with money since she is completely funded at her school, and has received plenty of high paying scholarships. I, on the other hand, am not funded by my school, and am living off of my quickly dwindling savings from a previous job. We live in Canada, so tuition is only about $3,500 a year. Thus, my girlfriend is free to do pretty much as she pleases with her newly acquired $60,000.
When we discovered that she got the scholarship, my heart sank, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I am holding her back. We've always dreamed of getting a condo together, to have a beautiful wedding, and to start a family together in a couple of years. However, as a broke student without any funding, I'll remain broke until I graduate in 2.5 years. My girlfriend, however, still has plenty of money in the bank, and just acquired $60,000. The things we want together can be easily attained by her, but she won't solely because of me, and I can't stop feeling tremendously guilty because of this...
We've discussed this last night, and my fiance told me that she wants all of these things only with me. She told me that as long as I am with her, she couldn't care less about waiting a bit. My fiance is truly a wonderful, and compassionate woman, and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I also know that I can't tolerate feeling like I am holding her back, and that I can't support her...
Have any of you gone through something similar? How did you prevent these feelings from ruining your relationship?
TL/DR: I am a 26 year old man, engaged to a wonderful 32 year old woman, who I've been with for 6 years. I am studying for my Master's degree, while my fiance is studying for her PhD. My fiance just got a $60,000 dollar scholarship, while I am broke. I almost ended our relationship last night because I feel like I am holding her back. How can I prevent these feelings from ruining my incredible relationship?
That's nice of you to feel this way but you have to start thinking as a team, a couple.
The money is "ours."
I'm sure you would be willing to work with your girlfriend if tables were turned right?
Work together. Heck, if she becomes a doctor you may be a stay-home-Dad.
I would just like to know what kind of program she is in that she can get a $60,000 scholarship when tuition is just $3,500.
Tuition for several years can add up, plus there's living expenses. Besides, it's Canada. We can only dream of such things.
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