Quote:
Originally Posted by forum_browser
I know that I brought this on myself by eavesdropping on a telephone conversation between my husband and one of his guy friends. I was just sort of accidentally on purpose lingering in the vicinity while he was on the phone. I realize that wasn't right, but I did it. He may even have known I could overhear, heck, he probably did, but I know that doesn't justify violating his privacy.
Anyway, my husband had a longterm girlfriend he met in college who left him a couple of years before we met. When we first got together, it was obvious he wasn't over that relationship. He talked about his ex constantly, compared me to her, etc. Around the time we married, we had a huge blowout because he was sending her annual letters, ostensibly birthday greetings. She wasn't responding, but it bothered me that he was writing to her, anyway.
My husband and I have now been married for more than 7 years, now, and he and his ex haven't had contact in that time, other than the letters he sent and she didn't answer in the first 1-2 years. Over time, he has talked about her less and less. I don't remember the last time he mentioned her, until today.
My husband told his friend that thoughts of his ex are dissipating a large amount of his emotional energy, and that this is what he is working on with his therapist right now. He also said that he can't have contact with the ex because it causes me pain.
I know my husband isn't actually doing anything wrong. He is kind and gentle with me, we are good friends, we spend most of our time together, and he's even affectionate to the point of clinginess. But it is really bothering me to know that he is in love with the ex, still.
Has anyone experienced this? If so, how did you move past it? Should I stop yammering to myself about my hurt feelings and focus on my husband's pain and on his loss of a huge share of his very limited emotional energy to a lost cause?
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Sit your husband down and tell him to grow the f up. Stop pining over a GF from 7-8-9 years ago and get on with life. Both of your lives. Why the f does he need a therapist for this? Its a old relationship that he should of been over a long time ago. If he was NOT over her when he was with you he should of never asked you to marry him.
Yes he is doing something wrong. He is MARRIED. That means you don't get to chase after old girlfriends by calling sending flowers messages or any romantic advances. Sorry but he settled for you knowing he can't have her.
I experienced that with a ex. She compared me to her ex in EVERYTHING I did. I finally had it and told her I am not him and if he was that great she should go be with him. Then I broke the relationship. Completely.
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