Why don't women ask men out? (young, average, feeling, honest)
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The % of women who get attention from men without having to do anything is large. The vast majority I'd probably say.
Now, those who get attention from the desirable men they want is a smaller %. The women who don't might have to ask those guys out or flirt heavily, and in my experience, they generally do.
I am going to have to disagree with you on the bolded. I think maybe as a man, you don't see it from a woman's perspective. Things look pretty much the same on "our side" as they do yours with most people not being approached.
From my experience, the vast majority of women don't get attention and the ones that do have to do a lot to get noticed (like makeup, do hair, do nails, clothing, be at the right place, smile at men, show they are interested, etc, etc...) Women put a lot of work into being noticeable and standing out when they are looking to meet someone. And even doing all that doesn't guarantee anything. Like I say, there are reasons why there are so many self help books written for women to help them get a date. If it were so easy that all most had to do was stand in the middle of a room, there would be no market for it.
I think for most men and most women you HAVE to put work into meeting others. The percentage of people who are just so overwhelmingly attractive that they don't have to do anything is pretty slim--for both sexes.
Anyway, back on subject (sorry I like to go off on tangents). I just read this article and thought it was interesting as it relates to this topic. It sounds like when women approach men, the women get less choosy and the men get more choosy:
WOMEN ARE MUCH CHOOSIER than men when it comes to romance. This is well known, but the reason for this gender difference is unclear. Evolutionary psychologists think it is because back in prehistoric times “dating” was much riskier for women. Men who made an ill-advised choice in the ancient version of a singles bar simply had one lousy night. Women who chose unwisely could end up facing years of motherhood without the critical help that a stable partner would have provided.
... (okay then the article goes on about their experiment where they had woman approach men and men wait to be approached. If you want to read the whole thing, go to the link)...
As reported in the October 2009 issue of Psychological Science, the well-known gender difference vanished when men and women assumed more egalitarian roles—when women made the rounds and men sat, both sexes were equally choosy. This finding is not a complete reversal of the old rule, however; the seated men were not choosier than the traveling women, the way seated women are choosier than men in the traditional speed-dating setup. This suggests that the ancient tendencies still exist but may be less influential than previously thought, because they are also reinforced by arbitrary social norms such as the convention that men usually approach women when there is potential for romance.
I am going to have to disagree with you on the bolded. I think maybe as a man, you don't see it from a woman's perspective. Things look pretty much the same on "our side" as they do yours with most people not being approached.
From my experience, the vast majority of women don't get attention and the ones that do have to do a lot to get noticed (like makeup, do hair, do nails, clothing, be at the right place, smile at men, show they are interested, etc, etc...) Women put a lot of work into being noticeable and standing out when they are looking to meet someone. And even doing all that doesn't guarantee anything. Like I say, there are reasons why there are so many self help books written for women to help them get a date. If it were so easy that all most had to do was stand in the middle of a room, there would be no market for it.
I think for most men and most women you HAVE to put work into meeting others. The percentage of people who are just so overwhelmingly attractive that they don't have to do anything is pretty slim--for both sexes.
Anyway, back on subject (sorry I like to go off on tangents). I just read this article and thought it was interesting as it relates to this topic. It sounds like when women approach men, the women get less choosy and the men get more choosy:
I don't know about that. I ask out women who could be considered average and below by other men all the time and get rejected. And my friends have too. I think an average woman gets tons of attention. Especially if she's white.
I don't know about that. I ask out women who could be considered average or even below by some men all the time and get rejected. And my friends have too. I think an average woman gets tons of attention. Especially if she's white.
I am curious, what do you see in them to want to approach them? I ask because I always figured I was average... maybe I am doing something wrong? (Hehe or maybe I am not average... maybe I am really hideous and just delusional ) but I hardly get attention from men unless I put effort into it--like get his attention and give a big smile or even break the ice and start talking first. It's always been that way for me. The only real exception is if a third party introduces me to a man--then he might be more inclined to notice me. I can honestly say it's the same with woman friends who are single... expect one (and she's definitely beautiful... she never had an issue attracting men).
I am curious, what do you see in them to want to approach them? I ask because I always figured I was average... maybe I am doing something wrong? (Hehe or maybe I am not average... maybe I am really hideous and just delusional ) but I hardly get attention from men unless I put effort into it--like get his attention and give a big smile or even break the ice and start talking first. It's always been that way for me. The only real exception is if a third party introduces me to a man--then he might be more inclined to notice me. I can honestly say it's the same with woman friends who are single... expect one (and she's definitely beautiful... she never had an issue attracting men).
Just for the record, I don't consider myself average. Closer to average for my demographic, but not average overall.
I dunno. Let's see. Bars, clubs, house parties, school, work. I can't even begin to count how many women I've hit on or asked out in the middle range of women. Especially if it was a friend of a friend. I'd be all over that.
If she was just kinda nice and I felt like she might be receptive to getting to know me better, that's typically all it took.
Now, I'm not saying such women get hit on every day. But it happens I would think often enough to have some options at any given time.
I was asked out by my stalker ( woman ) for Sat. night. ! We have been getting to know each other texting.
In case it goes bad , it was nice knowing yall LOL
Women may not outright ask men out very often, but they sure know how to let you know they're interested! Which is close to the same thing, in my book. They make the first move, if they're into you.
Women may not outright ask men out very often, but they sure know how to let you know they're interested! Which is close to the same thing, in my book. They make the first move, if they're into you.
Ridiculous.
Here's the thing. Women here claim that men are too dense to know when they're showing interest in them. Here's the routine:
"OMG, I talk to them; I laugh at their jokes; I smile when they speak to me; Why in the world don't they understand that I'm interested in them and want to date them! Men are so dense!
Here's the "other side".
"OMG. Just because I talk to them and laugh at their jokes and smile when I speak to them, they always think I'm interested in them and want to date them! Why don't they understand I'm just being friendly! Men are so dense!"
And women really don't understand men's confusion and frustration?
Here's the thing. Women here claim that men are too dense to know when they're showing interest in them. Here's the routine:
Don't tell me my reality is ridiculous, man. I don't mean they smile and laugh at my jokes. I'm talking about a certain je-ne-sais-quoi they exude when the sidle up to you. It's about how they look at you, intonation, a variety of cues. If you don't know when women are hitting on you, that's your problem. But I haven't had trouble interpreting the cues. Sure, a few women may be ambiguous. But there are others who come in loud and clear, you know what I'm saying? Those are the ones I'm talking about.
I am curious, what do you see in them to want to approach them?
The rationale is that most men are chasing after a narrow segment of women. By approaching women who aren't in the "elite" that enjoys substantial male attention, one supposes that such women would be more enthused about the interaction. Unfortunately, what often happens is that women in such position suspect a ruse. They assume that the man is toying with them, for example trying to exploit them for casual sex. The result is a strained conversation, where the man feels that his effort is wasted, and the woman supposes that her suspicions were confirmed.
I think an average woman gets tons of attention. Especially if she's white.
No, she doesn't. Jillabean is spot on. Great post!
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) but I hardly get attention from men unless I put effort into it--like get his attention and give a big smile or even break the ice and start talking first. It's always been that way for me. The only real exception is if a third party introduces me to a man--then he might be more inclined to notice me. I can honestly say it's the same with woman friends who are single... expect one (and she's definitely beautiful... she never had an issue attracting men).
