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When I met my ex-hubby's dad I was glad that I liked him a lot, as he seemed very similar to hubby and, I imagined, was probably a bit like what hubby would grow into . And I figure if people like my mom that's a good sign.
Nobody is all that much like anybody else, of course . But do you look for clues to similarities (not identicalnesses) that might crop up over time?
Last edited by NilaJones; 07-30-2013 at 12:49 PM..
When I met my ex-hubby's dad I was glad that I liked him a lot, as he seemed very similar to hubby and, I imagined, was probably what hubby would grow into . And I figure if people like my mom that's a good sign.
Do you folks do this?
Not when first dating. But over time you can't miss the similarities, lol. Genetics are pretty hard to overcome.
I did not use to believe in "nature over nurture", but years of experience have taught me differently.
I've learned not to judge a person by their parents. There's a lot that you do get from your parents, but personality isn't necessarily one of them. Values sometimes are. Habits, who knows.
Besides. My XH was exactly like his mother. If I judged him by his Dad, I would have probably been a happier woman. LOL. But since he was exactly like his mother, bleah, over time, what I thought was good was just things that killed me emotionally.
I know I am a lot like my mom in ways. But honestly, I've been told that I'm actually equally both of them personality wise. Thankfully, I got most of the good parts. Doesn't mean I don't have my issues, I'm sure I do. It just means I'm not either one of them completely. So if you judged me by my mom, dear gawd I'm screwed.
I have to say I do think there is some validity to it, at least in terms of habits/personality traits. The older I get the more I see signs of my Mom in me, and my bf always points them out when he sees them, jokingly but enough to wake me up, lol. In my head I'm going "Yikes, he's right, I do sound like her!"
Yep, and it didn't work out well for me. My in-laws present a very amiable front to the world and my FIL was very solicitous towards me. Initially he really liked me. As I got to know them I realized my MIL was always working hard to cater to FIL and keep his mood on an even keel because he was stubborn and judgmental. Guess what? My ex expected me to fill that same role. I failed miserably.
For me I hope it is really clear to anyone who meets my mom that I have worked really hard to not be like her.
So yes, I do look closely at a potential mate's parents, the dynamics of their relationship and how he fits into that. Most guys I date lately do not seem to have good relationships with their parents. Don't know if that is because of their divorce or the reason for their divorce.
I thought my mother in law was hotter looking than my wife when I first met them. Though my MIL is getting older, she is still very good looking for her age (70).
I don't judge him, but jeez-o-Pete the similarities are undeniable.
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. And I figure if people like my mom that's a good sign. 
