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Reading a lot of threads on this board as well as listening to people in real life about compatibility with a romantic partner (or potential one), its seems like such a common theme that ones partner has common interests and that this is high on the list of criteria that could make or break a relationship...........
While I certainly see where they are coming from to some extent, on the other hand, I really can't figure out why a lack of common interest would be that big of a deal.
I just don't understand if everything else is humming along pretty well in a relationship except for lack of common interests, why can't there be a simple 50/50 compromise.
So basically, if a guys wants his GF to take part in one of his favorite hobbies or activities, then in exchange for that, why doesn't he take part in an activity that his GF wants to do and just take turns. Sure, one of the partners might get bored while the other other is having fun, but knowing that next time they will switch taking turns, I really dont see why this can't be done. Not only can it be done fairly, but Id even argue that it will bond them closer doing this.
As for myself, there are a lot of activities that I REALLY find boring such as basketball, baseball, shopping for designer cloths, gardening----just to name a few that I really have no desire to participate in........
BUT, if I had a partner who enjoyed these activities and in exchange for me taking part in them, she took part in my favorite hobbies, I would think it was great!!!
Thats why I kind of shake my head when I read others posting here or talking in real life about lack of common interests with a dating partner or more, then I just can't seem to figure out why they can't adopt something like a put forth that would me it FAIR for both of them and allow both to get what they want out of the relationship.
Some people get along just fine without common interests, I suppose. I'm not one of them.
Without common interests, what do you have to talk about, except things in which you don't have a mutual interest? I can't see a long, deep, or exciting conversation happening! How do you make plans to do things together, when you don't like some of the same things? Vacations must be problematical, unless you take them separately. You may not even be able to watch TV together.
As you say, OP, you can compromise, but what if you hate the activities and don't want to take turns? What if it always feels like an obligation or burden to do so? That can build resentment, not closeness.
I found a partner who shares many interests. We always have things to talk about, and things we can do together that we both enjoy - it's a bonus to do them together. And we still have our own separate interests, so we can spend time apart when we want that.
If you have too little in common, you end up never doing anything together that both enjoy. You need some common interests.
Yes, it is ok to do something you are not that interested in to support your spouse too. Initially that can be fun, as it allows you to learn about your spouse. You wouldn't want to do this every night however, as you or your spouse would never really be fully content with your shared adventures.
I love baseball, and my wife will go to a game with me, or watch a game on TV with me now and then. However, if I insisted she watch baseball with me every night, she would be tearing her hair out for 3 hours. I could watch her wedding dress shows every night in exchange, but would tear my own hair out then. It is much more fulfilling to watch things together we both like, and do the things we do not share an interest in on our own time.
Reading a lot of threads on this board as well as listening to people in real life about compatibility with a romantic partner (or potential one), its seems like such a common theme that ones partner has common interests and that this is high on the list of criteria that could make or break a relationship...........
While I certainly see where they are coming from to some extent, on the other hand, I really can't figure out why a lack of common interest would be that big of a deal.
I just don't understand if everything else is humming along pretty well in a relationship except for lack of common interests, why can't there be a simple 50/50 compromise.
So basically, if a guys wants his GF to take part in one of his favorite hobbies or activities, then in exchange for that, why doesn't he take part in an activity that his GF wants to do and just take turns. Sure, one of the partners might get bored while the other other is having fun, but knowing that next time they will switch taking turns, I really dont see why this can't be done. Not only can it be done fairly, but Id even argue that it will bond them closer doing this.
As for myself, there are a lot of activities that I REALLY find boring such as basketball, baseball, shopping for designer cloths, gardening----just to name a few that I really have no desire to participate in........
BUT, if I had a partner who enjoyed these activities and in exchange for me taking part in them, she took part in my favorite hobbies, I would think it was great!!!
Thats why I kind of shake my head when I read others posting here or talking in real life about lack of common interests with a dating partner or more, then I just can't seem to figure out why they can't adopt something like a put forth that would me it FAIR for both of them and allow both to get what they want out of the relationship.
Your thoughts?
Totally agree!
In fact, I think that couples who share too much in common are more likely to become more like brother/sister or roommate/buddies. A contrast in interests and hobbies along with a willingness of both people to partake in the others hobbies will keep things intriguing. That's just my opinion though, I tend to be attracted to my opposite.
I just couldn't be around my husband (or anyone for that matter) 24/7. I have my own interests and he has his. I think I'd like him a lot less if I was around him ALL the time. I would feel smothered.
When we go on vacation sometimes we split up for a few days. I could NOT spend 7 days with someone constantly in my face and constantly having to compromise.
This July we are renting a house on a lake...perfect location and setting for a vacation for our interests. He'll go on the boat and I'm taking day trips to Charleston and Savannah. I don't LOVE the boat and he has no interest in the cities I want to visit. There are days we will spend together, and days we will spend apart.
At home he has his interests and I have mine as well. Sometimes there is overlap and sometimes there isn't. It's just not a big deal for us.
For me, common interests are a huge part of my relationship. We just love spending time together though, and don't care to do much separately. Most anything I can think of that I would want to do, would be improved with my husband there. And he'd most likely want to be there as well, since we have a lot in common and share most interests. So it's not really compromising for either of us, we just enjoy most of the same things. We are each others best friends.
Renaissance faires? check. Comic-cons? check. Sci-Fi conventions? check. Camping? yep. Fishing? yep. Video games? Yep. Reading books? yep. Movies, we like most of the same sort of thing. He's ecstatic that I'm not really a fan of most 'girl movies'. He does make fun of my HGTV shows, though.
But we were also friends for the better part of a year before a relationship happened, met at a comic book store, and bonded over all-night gaming sessions. A little different I suppose, but it's worked for 16 years for us so far
My girlfriend and I have some different interests, but I still want to be able to do things we enjoy together. I like that she's not a mirror image of me cause that would get boring after a while.
Ultimately, it's whatever works for you. Some people want to be able to do everything with their SO and some don't.
Ultimately, it's whatever works for you. Some people want to be able to do everything with their SO and some don't.
Exactly. My late hubby and I didn't have many common interests and we both had time consuming hobbies. So we spent a lot of time doing our own thing and very little doing things together. Now I spend a lot of time with a male friend who I have a lot of common interests with. I have to admit, I much prefer having someone in my life who actually enjoys doing the same things I do and will happily do them with me rather than just being told about them.
At the same time, I do believe couples should have some interests (and friends!) apart from each other. We all need a time out every now and then.
If you have too little in common, you end up never doing anything together that both enjoy. You need some common interests.
Yes, it is ok to do something you are not that interested in to support your spouse too. Initially that can be fun, as it allows you to learn about your spouse. You wouldn't want to do this every night however, as you or your spouse would never really be fully content with your shared adventures.
I love baseball, and my wife will go to a game with me, or watch a game on TV with me now and then. However, if I insisted she watch baseball with me every night, she would be tearing her hair out for 3 hours. I could watch her wedding dress shows every night in exchange, but would tear my own hair out then. It is much more fulfilling to watch things together we both like, and do the things we do not share an interest in on our own time.
I agree. It's hardly an all or nothing scenario, but IMO, having no shared interests, or merely tolerating the other person's interests from time to time, is not contributing quality to your relationship. After commuting, work, housework and chores at home, there isn't an abundance of time together so I couldn't imagine having available time to be with my SO, yet doing most things apart. When I look back on my life, I don't want it to all be memories of things I did and places I went that didn't include my SO. We have our individual interests but the majority of things we like to do together.
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