Common interests (or lack thereof) with partner---why such a big deal?

[Raena77]

You need some common interest and some not to keep it interesting.

Some couples do marry basically themselves in male or female form. Then some couples marry their opposite. Opposites attract. For some it creates adventure, feeds curiousity, entertainment and such.

Common interest can create harmony. Less selfishness since both want to do those activies. Its a companion to be with.

[North Beach Person]

Common interests aren't important (usually, if one is into orgies and the other isn't I can see an issue), tolerating the interests of the other is.

[cloven]

Originally Posted by TaoistDude

Some people get along just fine without common interests, I suppose. I'm not one of them.

Without common interests, what do you have to talk about, except things in which you don't have a mutual interest? I can't see a long, deep, or exciting conversation happening! How do you make plans to do things together, when you don't like some of the same things? Vacations must be problematical, unless you take them separately. You may not even be able to watch TV together.

As you say, OP, you can compromise, but what if you hate the activities and don't want to take turns? What if it always feels like an obligation or burden to do so? That can build resentment, not closeness.

I found a partner who shares many interests. We always have things to talk about, and things we can do together that we both enjoy - it's a bonus to do them together. And we still have our own separate interests, so we can spend time apart when we want that.

This^

[rego00123]

2 years into relationship after the puppy love wears thin:

GIRL: "so what do you want to do tonight?"
GUY: "i don't know...maybe go see a movie"
GIRL: i don't really like going to the movies hun, you know that
GUY: oh ok...

*rest of the night spent pursuing interests away from SO while they tend to their own.
rinse, repeat every night for the rest of your time with that person.

[Frihed89]

Originally Posted by TaoistDude

Without common interests, what do you have to talk about, except things in which you don't have a mutual interest?.

Well, if you can force yourself to listen, you'll learn stuff about which you didn't know already know everything.

[AllenSJC]

There's a difference between "common interests" and "having things in common." Not necessarily the same thing.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by papafox

I just don't understand if everything else is humming along pretty well in a relationship except for lack of common interests...

Your thoughts?

Why would you be together then?

[cloven]

Originally Posted by AllenSJC

There's a difference between "common interests" and "having things in common." Not necessarily the same thing.

That's^ a good point, too.