Running Errands on a Date? (dating, boyfriend, woman, love)
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I've been with my boyfriend many years now, and we just had a recent discussion about this issue. Not a huge deal, and we even laughed about it. But he totally doesn't get it.
Back when we first started dating, he would show up to take me out, and then would say he had to get gas in his car, tap MAC, put air in his tires, pick up dry cleaning on the way, etc. Everything was "I have to.....on the way" or "...on the way back."
I remember at the time thinking this was annoying. We were on our first few dates, when you're supposed to be trying to impress the other person, and he wanted me to have to take part in his errands. The car things especially annoyed me, since if it's super hot and humid out, you have to turn off your car (and of course the A/C) to fill up. Would you make a woman you've just started dating sit for 10 minutes in your hot car to sweat to death? Surely that torture is better saved for a long-time partner
Obviously I didn't make a big deal out of it, and we're together 13 years later. But it bugs me when I remember it. I thought at worst, it was kind of rude, and at best, simply inconsiderate or just "unconscious."
Even today, when we go out somewhere, he adds these annoying errands to be done "on the way" to wherever we're going. I always make sure to take care of my errands without him. I would never subject a new dating partner or even a long-time partner to riding along with me while I pick up dry cleaning or go to the gas station! And I'll only wait to hit the MAC machine with him if we're going some place where we'll especially need cash, and we both plan to tap MAC at the same time. Otherwise, I get my cash on my own during the week. If we are going out together specifically to run errands, that's different--like we might have to stop at Home Depot, BJ's, and Petsmart on a Saturday afternoon. That's a whole outing that's all about errands. But if we're going to a meal, social event, etc, I don't want errands tacked onto the trip.
He still always seems to need air in his tires. Of course it's always when we're on our way to a nice restaurant, or a wedding, etc. So he's dressed up and putting air in his tires (with his tie tossed over his shoulder)! I just think it's really strange, and told him so!
I just wanted to find out if I'm alone here, or if others agree with me. Please make a distinction between being on the first few dates with a new love interest and being in a long term relationship, since I'm sure it will be different.
Well, I think you were right to be miffed/offended by it when you were first seeing each other, it's not a move I'd ever have done. I'm not trying to rag on your BF.
I'm sure it didn't occur to him that it was rude as hell.
If you're in a LTR it wouldn't be rude per se, just would get annoying after a bit....When I want to go somewhere I don't want to have to make pit stops along the way. It's funny cause right now, we're getting ready to go meet with people and we have to make a friggin pit stop along the way.... drives me nuts...LOL
Location: Democratic Peoples Republic of Redneckistan
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Imho it seems you are overly whiney about these things..people are busy now days and if he needs fuel,he needs fuel..if these things bother you,I personally would look elsewhere for a BF...Starting out mad at a daily routine will not make a happy relationship for either of you and especially him if you are the one wanting him to change his style..just something to think about and you did ask.
I just wanted to find out if I'm alone here, or if others agree with me.
About what?
To each their own, I say. It obviously wasn't a deal breaker for you and if the worst thing you have to say about your partner is that you have to wait while they put gas in the car then you've probably found a keeper.
I can't see doing that on the first few dates, but don't see a problem once you're actually dating someone seriously -- presumably you wouldn't object if a friend of family member needed to stop for gas or to put air in the tires, or grab dry cleaning. (My best friend and I run our Saturday errands together, in fact. We start with breakfast, then run errands and finish up with a pedicure. It's much more fun this way!).
If his tires continually need air, I would be a bit worried about being in his car, from a safety perspective.
Also.. I'm assuming his errands and car-maintenance related detours don't make you late things - I'd be pretty annoyed if it caused me to be late to a movie or a play, or to lose a dinner reservation.
He seems a little compulsive about it, frankly. No one needs to put air in their tires that often.
Have you tried telling him how you feel, and asking him to do his errands BEFORE the formal outing? Why can't he do this stuff "on the way" home from work? It almost seems like his time traveling alone to and from work, or wherever, is more important than his time traveling with you. This should be easy to remedy with a conversation. Hopefully.
He seems a little compulsive about it, frankly. No one needs to put air in their tires that often.
Have you tried telling him how you feel, and asking him to do his errands BEFORE the formal outing? Why can't he do this stuff "on the way" home from work? It almost seems like his time traveling alone to and from work, or wherever, is more important than his time traveling with you. This should be easy to remedy with a conversation. Hopefully.
I think I've got an even better solution.
She can drive herself to the location and meet him. She'll be totally free of his errands. She can even do her own errands on the way.
Errands are a normal part of life; nearly every adult has to do them.
However, people should take care of all time-sensitive errands before going on a date. Gassing the car up, doing laundry, cleaning the house, whatever. Especially if the relationship is still in the early stages. This is common courtesy, and consistently needing to run this errand or that errand during dates is very inconsiderate, irresponsible and rude and may give off a bad impression to the woman. In a more established LTR, this may not be such a big deal...especially if you two are living together. But even then, for special occasions (particularly those where the woman needs to dress up...which can take time) it is good if the guy takes care of errands beforehand, perhaps while the woman is at home getting ready.
OTOH, absolutely needing to take care of unexpected business is not a big deal, neither is occasionally "slipping up" and forgetting to take care of something. We're human, [expletive] happens. As long as it's rare and not habitual, who cares.
When treating a business partner or customers (e.g. "real estate agent driving clients to see and tour a listed property"), it's unprofessional to address personal errands while such people are with you.
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.... drives me nuts...LOL
