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It's kind of thoughtless and selfish, especially early in the dating process. However, it would have been totally appropriate if he'd stopped to shop for condoms, no doubt.
Also, the alternative could have meant getting stranded on some lonely country road with no gas AND no condoms! Downer.
It's so funny that you would decide I'm "high maintenance." Anyone who knows me in person would laugh at that. Being high maintenance might involve my not wanting to be exposed to someone else's chores and errands, but expecting them to help me with mine. I keep my annoying errands to myself and don't expect anyone to help.
Really, you're getting the wrong impression by reading stuff into my post that isn't there. This was sort of a roll-eyes, silly annoying peeve post. some people got that.
And if you think that it must bother me immensely because I chose to post at length about it:
1.) check out any of my initial posts; they all tend to be a little wordy. That's me. I break things up into lots of paragraphs because know how annoying it is to a reader when a post is long and a big block of text.
2.) just because I post about something doesn't mean it's a burning issue deeply affecting my life. I've posted similarly about dog poo, cat pee, bad food, good TV, movies, etc.
...pooping at work, one of my all-time favorite threads.
I don't see anything wrong with gassing up car with me. Me and my husband do it EVERY week, he usually fills up before we do groceries. I especially don't mind if it was my car he fills up which he did when we were still dating right after he bought 4 new tires for my car.
He also often tap MAC - LOL I've to look it up and seeing the OP's location it makes sense. Didn't know ATMs are called MACs in other neck of the woods though. - when we go eat out Friday nights with his friends.
If I started dating a man and he did this each time we went out, I would stop him when he started doing this and ask him to take me home. Once we arrived I would tell him that I would be happy to go on the date WHEN he was done with his errands. I make the time to do my errands without dragging him along and he could do the same.
Someone who chronically has to do errands during a date or en route to a formal occasion (not to mention the whole tire obsession) reminds me of people who are chronically late to appointments. In their own minds, they think it's circumstances that make them late every time. In reality, they have issues with discipline, courtesy, procrastination, etc. The chronic lateness is just a symptom of underlying issues. The same is probably true of the OP's bf.
Someone who chronically has to do errands during a date or en route to a formal occasion (not to mention the whole tire obsession) reminds me of people who are chronically late to appointments. In their own minds, they think it's circumstances that make them late every time. In reality, they have issues with discipline, courtesy, procrastination, etc. The chronic lateness is just a symptom of underlying issues. The same is probably true of the OP's bf.
I was thinking that myself, disorganized and poor time management. If you are just starting to date a person, you're usually putting your best foot forward so being scattered and leaving things to the last minute doesn't make a good impression. Sure, sometimes things come up, but not every time.
But obviously the OP has managed, since they're still together. It's probably one of those things she "settled" or "lowered her standards" for.
Yes, you say it's not a big deal, but then go on for six paragraphs about how annoying it is, that it's gone on for 13 years, not only does it bug you now, it bugs you when you remember when it happened 13 years ago. I question that it's not a big deal to you.
I also don't think combining trips to save time and gas is an insult to anyone. Obviously not stopping at Home Depot to buy mulch when you're dressed for a cocktail party, but is stopping for gas on your way to a restaurant that big of a deal?
This just smacks of entitlement. And would he really begrudge you a quick stop to buy tampons? This does sound like being a princess, or if you prefer, very high maintenance. If you've been together for 13 years it must work for both of you.
I must be an entitled princess too because that would bug the crap out of me. Especially in the early stages of dating. Occasionally, no problem, but constantly, no.
My ex was similar. Every time we went somewhere we had to make a ton of stops. It drove me crazy. Im not very patient when it comes to that sort of thing. When I/we schedule a time to leave for an event, I want to go to the event so I make sure I have taken care of everything else beforehand.
I must be an entitled princess too because that would bug the crap out of me. Especially in the early stages of dating. Occasionally, no problem, but constantly, no.
My ex was similar. Every time we went somewhere we had to make a ton of stops. It drove me crazy. Im not very patient when it comes to that sort of thing. When I/we schedule a time to leave for an event, I want to go to the event so I make sure I have taken care of everything else beforehand.
Now that I think about it, this reminds me of a female friend of mine. She'd be over visiting when I had houseguests that she'd help out with. As soon as it was time to leave to take everyone to an event, she'd suddenly throw herself into doing dishes or cleaning. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen. These were chores she could have done earlier (or leave alone), but for some reason, the signal to leave was her cue to busy herself with little tasks.
There really seems to be a psychological component to these odd habits; a need to create last-minute flurries of activity and unnecessary rushing around.
Someone who chronically has to do errands during a date or en route to a formal occasion (not to mention the whole tire obsession) reminds me of people who are chronically late to appointments. In their own minds, they think it's circumstances that make them late every time. In reality, they have issues with discipline, courtesy, procrastination, etc. The chronic lateness is just a symptom of underlying issues. The same is probably true of the OP's bf.
He is quite disorganized in general--always losing things, doing things at the last minute, etc--while I tend to plan and schedule things. He would readily admit that (but not change it).
When we were just dating in the beginning, I think he was always running late to pick me up, and decided it was better to get me, and THEN do his errands, so that at least he could say "I was on time."
I can't even begin to get into how many times he gets into his car and then runs back into the house because he forgot stuff. Sometimes he even leaves for work and drives several blocks, and has to drive home again to get something he forgot. But that could be a whole other thread.
Thanks to those of you who agree with me and hate "pit stops." When I'm going some place, I want to go there, and not add other things on to the trip, making it into some big production.
Wow, I never knew that MAC machines and MAC cards were a regional thing? I just thought the MAC name went out of fashion or got changed to the generic "ATM." Did other geographic areas have other names for them? Now that I think about it, I did have a co-worker in the 90s who said something about going to the "star machine" or something like that. But she was from some other part of the country, I forget where.
He is quite disorganized in general--always losing things, doing things at the last minute, etc--while I tend to plan and schedule things. He would readily admit that (but not change it).
OK, now we're getting somewhere! This is a mental habit set up at an early age. It's not that easy to change. A few counseling sessions would be in order, if he really wanted to change. But if you feel it's not a big deal and can live with it, AND if it doesn't interfere with his work (has he ever been late to work because of having to drive back home to get something?) or hold him back in life, then change is optional.
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