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Don't worry dubdub there are still plenty of silly young women who believe in True Love. None of us would ever be born otherwise. Fairy tales are still told and young people are conditioned to believe them.
I feel the way I do because I got married and had the "dream", not because I didn't. Hindsight is 20/20
So one man is going to change your outlook on life? I hope you find happiness with or without another man.
So if he finds you extremely attractive on a certain day he should patronize you by saying how smart and progressive you are?
I dont want to be patronized. If I say something witty or smart-comment-otherwise there is no reason to be spewing compliments, esp about something as superficial as how I look.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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I don't think it's healthy to depend on a partner for happiness, but I think most of us still deep down feel that companionship and romantic love are needed to make us feel completely happy. Being self-dependent, and making the other person feel that they make your life even more happy, is the key I think. I think a lot of people let relationships make them more miserable, so I'm not jumping to get into one, although I would like to taste 'love' whatever it is before I croak, even if it lasts one week, if it's genuine.
To the OP, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I just now realized this not too long ago. Because I am pretty much happy and content with my career, friends and how my life is going, I may not give my all per se when it comes to meeting other people. On one hand, there is no pressure, if she says yes great, if she says no, eh...move on the sun is coming up tomorrow, however it makes me wonder what kind of vibe I am giving off to the other person, that I may come off as not as interested, which many times may not be the case.
what's wrong with needing people?
i'd be the opposite...there are many girls i've wanted, i've only felt i've needed one...
like, an unquenchable thirst, but you're half enjoying it because the drink is tasty...
wish i could get that feeling again...i think it only happens a few times in your life...the genuine 'i am you' feeling...
I would rather be a choice than a compulsion. Though I suspect this may be just an issue of semantics. However, the idea of a guy saying "I am you" to me makes me shudder - and not in a good way. A happy and independent individual isn't going to say that kind of thing. I don't want to be responsible for anyone's happiness.
I would rather be a choice than a compulsion. Though I suspect this may be just an issue of semantics. However, the idea of a guy saying "I am you" to me makes me shudder - and not in a good way. A happy and independent individual isn't going to say that kind of thing. I don't want to be responsible for anyone's happiness.
That's fine...to each their own...
I get the feeling, so I express it...for better or worse...
I think this is mostly a philosophical question, and I apologize if anything here comes off as pompous. I've said frequently in these threads that I'm finally at a very happy place in life. I wonder though if you guys think this makes dating more difficult in some ways. When I say "I don't need a man" it's not some sort of neo-feminist, manhating statement - just an actual fact that I've got a good life without a partner.
The fact that I don't see myself as NEEDING a partner doesn't mean I treat my dates poorly or anything like that. I'm attentive, fairly emotionally open, passionate and definitely willing to make time for someone else. And I definitely develop strong feelings for my partners. But if I die single, I won't feel unfulfilled.
I love being part of a couple, and right now I'm seeing a guy who's pretty awesome. But, like me, he's not really all that eager to shack up or get married or anything like that. But I think the downside (for me) of this lack of need and expectations is that our relationship is very vaguely defined, though we are exclusive.
I also feel more cautious about letting romantic interests into my life to a certain degree. I've been a fairly open person for most of my life, and now my main worry when I meet a guy is if he is going to disrupt the happiness I've already achieved. It was a totally different story when my life was a mess and I had all these voids in my life. That said, I also wonder if a guy I'm seeing might wonder where I have room for him in my life (though I will cheerfully make room for the right person).
This is probably a crude way to put it, but it's like the burrito shack at the end of my street. LOVE IT. I go to eat there about once a week, and I totally enjoy it. But if the burrito shack closed tomorrow and I couldn't stroll down to the end of my street to grab a snack, I'd just do without burritos and not really miss them THAT much. I guess what I'm saying is that while I might fall in love with a guy and really enjoy that particular relationship, my approach to the concept of romance in general these past couple years has become very "take it or leave it."
I try not to be smug or complacent, and to remain open-hearted. But I keep thinking about the saying "everyone likes to be needed," and I wonder if I should change things up. But how would I even do that? And how would I do that without acting like someone I'm not?
I think you are in a really good place. I know too many women who have settled for relationships that are not good, and in some cases harmful, because they are too afraid to be without a man. When you are confident and complete within yourself, that attracts others of like mind to you. A relationship is more enjoyable, also, when you are not desparately in need of that man, but instead he brings more to the relationship and you are both more together and yet, when you are not together, you are both whole.
I too live a good life. I don't think it's made my dating life difficult per se, but it has made me more picky as to who I'll date. I will only date other teachers; our vacation calendars sync up perfectly, I can talk about my day without being judged, and frankly I've never had a bad date with a teacher.
I think you should all just date yourselves and be done with it. Try putting lots of big mirrors up around the house and write little love notes to yourself.
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