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Well I've thought it through much more and I think I've reached a major insight. Basically, in college, I was an insecure, short, boyish looking guy who never got dates and was made fun of by his friends. They teased me for being little and young looking and never getting dates. Now that I'm more confident, I think there's a part of me that wants to date a lot of women just to prove my college buddies wrong. I realize that that's childish and I don't need their approval though. I'm not really sure where this thinking takes me as far as my relationship with Mary goes. I think I'm going to give it some more thought and discuss it in counseling. I'm definitely not going to string Mary along for months or years. If I haven't reached any kind of resolution in the next 2 or so weeks, I'll fully disclose all my thoughts with her. Even though I probably sound like a nut case, I think this thread has helped me a lot.
Ive been in your shoes and first woman i started dating when i got back on the dating scene, was pushing the relationship forward at a too fast of a pace, so i gave her an option ot have an open relationship. If you havent dated much, id suggest playing the field a little, to see whats out there. Tell Mary that you like her, but would like it to be an open type of deal where both of you are seeing other people. If she doesnt go for that, oh well.
I’m trying to figure out whether I should be in a committed, exclusive relationship with the woman I’ve been dating for 5 weeks now. After 3 weeks, we made it an official relationship and announced it to others but for the past 2 weeks I’ve been thinking that was a rushed decision. When I’m not worrying about this issue, I actually have a great time with Mary (her name) but there’s often this lingering worry in the back of my mind. Basically, from counseling and getting in shape, my self-confidence has gone up a lot and there’s a part of me that wants to date many women (still including Mary) and then pick the one that I feel I’d have the best long-term, monogamous relationship with. I definitely could still see it being Mary but part of me feels I owe it to myself to have a larger sample of dating experiences and then figure out who I want to be with long-term. It’s not that I fear having to commit to one woman as far as sex goes. What I really fear is spending the rest of my life sub-optimally – living my whole life with someone and it turning out that I would have been happier with someone else. For my whole adult life, this has been a huge fear actually. It’s prevented me from ever settling down with a woman. I’m 33 and I seldom date a woman for more than a few weeks, though I’ve had 3 relationships that lasted between 6 months and a year. I never had an extended period of time (like more than a week) where I was very confident I was with the right person and had no lingering worries, including in those 3 longer relationships. Part of me thinks these worries now have nothing to do with Mary or my relationship with her and would have come up with anyone I’m dating. But another part of me thinks I’d know it and not have any doubts if I were with the right person. If I shared any of my thoughts with her and she decided she didn’t want to keep seeing me, I would consider it a huge loss. So I basically have no idea what to do.
I don't know man, you need to decide if you are happier in a relationship or out. Then, stick to it.
i would say you are rushing all of this. 5 weeks is a little early to swear your allegiance to one woman, so there is some probably sensible trepidation on your part at that. if you enjoy being with this woman, give it a chance. at least another month. she won't take to kindly to letting you back in her affections if you decide when you dump her that she really is the one for you. and that could very well happen. stop overthinking it. have you not dated very much? seems that the subtext here is that you haven't, and you want to sort of spread your wings a little. might be a good indication of why you rushed into something so quickly- maybe a knee jerk reaction?
If you are undecided as to whether or not to marry this girl then no, don't do it.
If you don't care about future married life and kids, then hell,fark her to death and move on.... although you will be a bastard son of a ***** ******* **** scum.
The decision YOU need to really make is not who she is but WHO YOU ARE?
Good LucK!
I’m trying to figure out whether I should be in a committed, exclusive relationship with the woman I’ve been dating for 5 weeks now. After 3 weeks, we made it an official relationship and announced it to others but for the past 2 weeks I’ve been thinking that was a rushed decision. When I’m not worrying about this issue, I actually have a great time with Mary (her name) but there’s often this lingering worry in the back of my mind. Basically, from counseling and getting in shape, my self-confidence has gone up a lot and there’s a part of me that wants to date many women (still including Mary) and then pick the one that I feel I’d have the best long-term, monogamous relationship with. I definitely could still see it being Mary but part of me feels I owe it to myself to have a larger sample of dating experiences and then figure out who I want to be with long-term. It’s not that I fear having to commit to one woman as far as sex goes. What I really fear is spending the rest of my life sub-optimally – living my whole life with someone and it turning out that I would have been happier with someone else. For my whole adult life, this has been a huge fear actually. It’s prevented me from ever settling down with a woman. I’m 33 and I seldom date a woman for more than a few weeks, though I’ve had 3 relationships that lasted between 6 months and a year. I never had an extended period of time (like more than a week) where I was very confident I was with the right person and had no lingering worries, including in those 3 longer relationships. Part of me thinks these worries now have nothing to do with Mary or my relationship with her and would have come up with anyone I’m dating. But another part of me thinks I’d know it and not have any doubts if I were with the right person. If I shared any of my thoughts with her and she decided she didn’t want to keep seeing me, I would consider it a huge loss. So I basically have no idea what to do.
After only 5 weeks, I would never think I knew the person well enough to be committed to only them. 6 months, maybe, 5 weeks, never.
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