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He is not a man worth even calling himself one!! And what is wrong with you to allow this garbage?? You get the love that you allow. I see you as doing nothing more than enabling him. Gross.
Women today have it EASY compared to women in the past. Today, in the modern suburbs, women use the money from their husbands income to outsource most the work that was traditionally done themselves. This is why women in the past were so fit and trim because they had to physically work hard each day.
For example, American women today don't iron their husbands clothes anymore, they take it to the local cleaners and have a highly skilled Korean iron and press their clothes.
I work at a job. I don't think I have it easy - at least not any easier than the men I work with. Your statement that women today have it easy is rather sweeping. I would also argue that the nature of a SAHM's work has changed rather than it has gotten "easier." Far more time is devoted to the welfare of their children than to household maintenance. My one friend is a SAHM, and her time is devoted to maintaining the household AND seeing to her special needs child. She had a very successful career, but it's been put on hold to give the best possible upbringing to both of her kids. Another seems to be spending her life manufacturing a June/Ward Cleaver existence for her family, and really scrambling to do so (while maintaining her pre-childbirth body). I don't want their lives (though my respect for the first SAHM mentioned is through the roof).
Likewise, if you don't want a housewife, then don't marry one. There are plenty of women who don't want to be housewives. The two friends I mentioned are anomalies in my circle of acquaintances. My female friends and I are all actively pursuing careers and/or advanced degrees (or have already accumulated them), and I don't think any of them have any desire to be housewives (though my cousin and I are both open to having house husbands). Why are you dwelling on women you wouldn't be interested in anyway? You talk about this double standard, yet it's not one I've ever really encountered in my circle of friends/acquaintances, so I suspect you gravitate towards people who fulfill your worst expectations. Or do you want a housewife, but are angry because you can't afford to maintain such an arrangement?
Women today have it EASY compared to women in the past. Today, in the modern suburbs, women use the money from their husbands income to outsource most the work that was traditionally done themselves. This is why women in the past were so fit and trim because they had to physically work hard each day.
For example, American women today don't iron their husbands clothes anymore, they take it to the local cleaners and have a highly skilled Korean iron and press their clothes.
Give me all the wrinkled shirts in the world! I'm currently working 45+ hours a week and going to grad school...being a "women of the past" would be a walk in the park in comparison
Women today have it EASY compared to women in the past. Today, in the modern suburbs, women use the money from their husbands income to outsource most the work that was traditionally done themselves. This is why women in the past were so fit and trim because they had to physically work hard each day.
For example, American women today don't iron their husbands clothes anymore, they take it to the local cleaners and have a highly skilled Korean iron and press their clothes.
Yup. Who cares? If the husband is OK with it then why does it matter to you? No, I don't press clothes because I'm not very good at it (didn't learn at my mother's knee from the age of 4 rather than go to school like they did then either) and my husband wears jeans to work. I do wash them though My husband tells me repeatedly that he doesn't care if I do one iota of housework because he wants me to be home for the kids, not to be a maid. Of course I do keep the house pretty clean because I go nuts in a messy house, but that's not my primary role.
Guess what. My husband has it easy compared to the men of yesteryear too. He doesn't have to chop wood to heat the house or do any of the other chores men did before technology advanced and the economy changed (more outsourcing of household duties in general).
Hey all. I'm looking for advice on this matter because I am going INSANE!! My boyfriend really needs to grow up and I don't know what to do to motivate him. He hasn't had a job in about 6 months. He claims that he tries, its too hard and stressful. But I fill out his apps for him, made his resume, send them out to employers online, etc. Before, he was making good money, and at one point working 2-3 jobs at a time(we were not together during this time). Most of his jobs during the past few years have been under the table working for friends. The last "real" job he had was 3 or 4 years ago.
So in this relationship, I am the only one with a car and the only one with a job. I don't make very much(Working on finding something better). I am having to take care of the both of us on a one person "just getting by" income. He adds expenses like they are nothing, without thinking about the stress he is causing me. For example, I have one cat, but he has brought in 2 strays that we are now feeding. It gets expensive! He is always asking me to buy him things that are cheap but I still can't afford.
With every paycheck I get I sit down and tell him how much I have after rent, bills, etc. It is usually only about $100-$150. I explain to him that this is all I have for food, gas, etc. to last until my next paycheck(I am paid twice a month). I explain this all to him hoping he will understand that we have basically no wiggle room. Yet he continues to ask for things and when i tell him i don't have money(meaning i literally have $20 in my pocket and it's a week and a half until my next paycheck) he gets mad.
He constantly tries to make me seem like the bad person because I "only care about money" and he "doesn't need money to enjoy life".
Sorry for such a long post but I can't seem to figure this out. I know he isn't normally like this. I've been "stuck" before. And he is not a bad person like this post might make him seem. Some people tell me to just forget about him and take care of myself. Others tell me to be supportive and help him out of this hole. He likes to have other people take care of him and do things for him. How can I motivate him to do things for himself or make him understand how much stress he is causing me without making him feel like I am attacking him???
HELP
You both sound young. He needs to figure out what he wants to do as far as a career goes. Working at some place that pays $8 an hour is not the answer either.
If you are serious about him then you should sit down and explain that he needs to work and you are not going to keep supporting him while he does nothing. He needs to be trying to improve himself and have some kind of goal to support the both of you.
If he is not working, he needs to take care of the house duties AND take some kind of required classes to find a good paying labor job working in construction, garbage, truck driver, whatever. He can't be just playing video games and sleeping all day. If he is, then you need to dump him.
Sometimes men can be lazy and need a good kick in the butt! If you care about him and see potential then it's worth a try. Good luck.
Thank you for the last few posts! Some really good ideas and insights. Let me note a few things. First, I was happy to fill out his apps in the beginning. I offered to. It just got a little carried away, obviously. Second, he has a pretty severe case of adult ADD. Now, some of you will say "who cares" but anyone who knows someone with this condition knows that it can greatly affect every part of your life. Third, yes he does have some depression issues. He is normally very happy and bubbly but it becomes apparent once in a great while. A few times he has broken down in front of me about "always messing things up" and "letting everyone down". I have dealt with depression before so I can tell by some of his ways of thinking that it is an issue, although I think it is mild. He also has some pretty bad friends and ex-girlfriends and tends to believe that those are the only kind of people that live in this world. And the thing is, he is good at everything he attempts and very creative. He can dance, play music, sing, draw, kickbox, and even use to enjoy bull riding! He could do whatever he wanted if he put his mind to it.
So maybe this bit of background makes it easier to understand where I'm coming from. Maybe not. But I feel better about what I need to do. Just take a deep breath, put my foot down, and see what happens. If he can't handle it, I guess it wasn't meant to be! Which is ok because I deserve to be in a happy relationship just like anyone else. I know you have to work in relationships sometimes but no relationship deserves THIS much stress.
Please, please get out of this. He is stuck in arrested developmnet, is an opportunist and an entitlist, has no idea of what it means to be personally accountable, and would make a terrible husband/father.
So is this really someone you want to continue to defend? I have loved men and left them for these reasons, too. We all get stronger and get over it.
He is not a man worth even calling himself one!! And what is wrong with you to allow this garbage?? You get the love that you allow. I see you as doing nothing more than enabling him. Gross.
Take a peek at the "BF feels used" thread. I wonder if you would express the same way about a woman who is leeching off a man.
He needs to figure out what he wants to do as far as a career goes. Working at some place that pays $8 an hour is not the answer either.
Oh, but it would be a short term solution, wouldn't it? $320 a week, take home, say $250 per week. That would add an extra $1000 a month to the income and increase disposable income to $1,150!!!
If he really cared about you, he would be doing that now!
That you are the one sending out copies of his resume, and filling out job apps for him, speaks volumes.
I don't say he is a bad person, just extremely immature and unmotivated.
Walk on, and don't look back.
Like my father says about my brother-in-law, "two are in the canoe, but only one is paddling". I'd dump him, IMHO.
Good luck!
Take a peek at the "BF feels used" thread. I wonder if you would express the same way about a woman who is leeching off a man.
Leeches are life sucking worms no matter how you flip it. Males and females, regardless, are low-lives if they are mooching or using someone. Despicable.
Leeches are life sucking worms no matter how you flip it. Males and females, regardless, are low-lives if they are mooching or using someone. Despicable.
Seems like a few of us think this way. Women in the other thread, not you, are all for the woman who is leeching off that rich man but are all against men who leech off a woman.
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My husband tells me repeatedly that he doesn't care if I do one iota of housework because he wants me to be home for the kids, not to be a maid. Of course I do keep the house pretty clean because I go nuts in a messy house, but that's not my primary role. 
