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I believe if a couple is having issues, they should address them in private and not go to their friends and cry about it. But still, the majority of people do the obvious although men do it lesser than.
Usually when talking about their relationship problems to friends, they're basically talking bad about their significant other and her friends then see the husband as the bad guy. They do it in hopes of others could sympathize with them, feel sorry for them, and look down on the other partner.
Now before you people jump to conclusions and assumptions, no it hasn't happened to me. But everywhere I go, I see certain people cry about their relationship issues. Some would even go far to talking about them on national television.
Some people do it to garner support for their side. Some do it to get an objective perspective from someone not already caught up in their conflict.
If you don't want them to tell you about their issues, then don't listen to their problems. If they start telling you about their couple problems, tell them you don't want to hear about it, and change the subject.
Problem with talking to friends, is most of them are cut from the same cloth - same values, beliefs, thoughts.
I don't have friends who don't share similar values as I do. Maybe we don't have the same views on religion or politics or sports, but core values, yes. And because we have those same values, I would trust their opinion.
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I bet most relationship problems could be worked out if both parties spoke with each other and put some effort into it.
I do agree that poor communication is one of the leading causes of the failure of relationships.
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Many people want the fast way out, so they commiserate and ask the advice of outsiders who don't have a freaking clue about what really happens behind those doors, only know what the one-sided picture shows.
I think that some people don't represent their situations well, but I would think that many who are seeking advice from friends would be sharing the truth, so they can get advice that applies to the actual situation, not their spin on it. Some can only see things from their perspective, so a friend might be a good devil's advocate to show you a perspective you might be missing. If someone's looking for a fast way out, why would they even bother asking anyone else what they think?
I don't have friends who don't share similar values as I do. Maybe we don't have the same views on religion or politics or sports, but core values, yes. And because we have those same values, I would trust their opinion.
I do agree that poor communication is one of the leading causes of the failure of relationships.
I think that some people don't represent their situations well, but I would think that many who are seeking advice from friends would be sharing the truth, so they can get advice that applies to the actual situation, not their spin on it. Some can only see things from their perspective, so a friend might be a good devil's advocate to show you a perspective you might be missing. If someone's looking for a fast way out, why would they even bother asking anyone else what they think?
Some people don't know how to think for themselves.
Friends may share similar values or not, and remember, friends have an interest in it as well, if they don't like the other person, their advice may be biased in a manner as to deep-six a relationship.
Some of this is naive thinking, many people are not honest.
Some people don't know how to think for themselves.
Friends may share similar values or not, and remember, friends have an interest in it as well, if they don't like the other person, their advice may be biased in a manner as to deep-six a relationship.
Some of this is naive thinking, many people are not honest.
I don't know what kind of friends you have, but mine are all supportive of me, want the best for me, don't try to ruin my relationships, and don't hesitate to tell me when I'm having crazy thoughts or perhaps am flat-out wrong on a subject.
I don't know what kind of friends you have, but mine are all supportive of me, want the best for me, don't try to ruin my relationships, and don't hesitate to tell me when I'm having crazy thoughts or perhaps am flat-out wrong on a subject.
I cut them loose a long time ago - I am just sharing what kind of folks are out there, those who are naive are bound to get run over because quite frankly, some people just don't give a hoot.
I don't know what kind of friends you have, but mine are all supportive of me, want the best for me, don't try to ruin my relationships, and don't hesitate to tell me when I'm having crazy thoughts or perhaps am flat-out wrong on a subject.
You have some very gifted friends then. To take an objective opinion on a subjective topic is actually a very hard thing to do. Most people give advice based on thier personal opinion, which could in fact be that you are wrong. In kind though, you take thier opinions to heart, and take thier opinions at face value. (Which is a great thing to have.) However the majority of people out there would prefer to pilfer sympathy for thier cause. Next time your friend comes to you with a problem, try this conversational tool in order to judge exactly what your friend is looking for:
Listen, and maintain eye contact. Avoid negative words, but casually change the subject to a related past experience. Voice your opinion from the past experience, honestly. Subjectify yourself, and relate to a similar experience you've had. Talk about yourself in that experience.
(though this seems very rude, if done correctly, you have slowly turned the conversation from thier problem to a trip down memory lane. Seemingly less rude than you think. Can be alot of fun too. Also proving the point that if you friend has just gone along with the subject changes, they really weren't interested in your opinion. They just wanted to gripe about something. If they insist on turning the subject back to thier original point, they are upset about it, and want you to tell them they are right. If they go along with your subject changes, and directly relate to thier issue at hand, they actually want your opinion.)
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