Why do we tend to take out our past relationship issues with someone new? (dating, husband)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've always believed that we tend to carry our baggage from one relationship to the other. Even more so if we were messed over badly from the last person. I know from personal experence I've done this a time or two myself.
I think it's only natural. For example - my ex hurt me the most by almost breaking up with me right around the time when we had talked about getting engaged soon. He freaked out and told me all the things that bothered him about me for the past 2 years that he had never told me about. He said that nothing had gotten better - BECAUSE HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THEM!!! Anyway, I felt totally blindsided. The only reason that I knew something was up was that he was super quiet that day. I'm sure there were probably signs but I missed them. So when I started dating my husband - every time he was super quiet, I'd freak out and think he was about to break up with me! This lasted for a few months - until I learned to trust him and realized that when he had a problem with me - he always told me. He didn't keep things inside the way my ex does.
We all have "baggage" that we carry. But it doesn't mean it's going to destroy or hurt all future relationships and it doesn't mean that we have to carry that baggage forever.
I've always believed that we tend to carry our baggage from one relationship to the other. Even more so if we were messed over badly from the last person. I know from personal experence I've done this a time or two myself.
Who we are is what we went through. We are what we eat. Or we are what we experienced. What you are now is based on what you went through in your life. Everything becomes a part of you. The wounds that someone else left are still with you. The fears that comes with those wound (and the fear of getting wounded in the same place) are with you.
It's like those people who are afraid of dogs since they were bitten by a dog
It's like those people who are afraid of water because one time they almost drowned
Our body is a learning program. It learns from past experiences and modifies its behavior to protect itself.
When we go through an experience, our perception changes, how we view people and their intentions also changes. Our program is modified (until some psychologist reprograms us)
Life's experiences program us to behave a certain way. We can reprogram ourselves when we become aware of it.
what they now call baggage they used to call experience. she may think she is not playing games, but it sure looks like the game the last 4 played. it is human nature and probably intelligence to connect the dots and start looking at what she does not what she says.
The thing about relationships, regardless of the outcome, is that one most times believes that it's the other person doing the hurting. It takes some time for one to realize that the hurting is done by both, not always, but often.
the old "fight or flee" is deeply ingrained in our brain, whether it be against visible or invisible danger. So as a way of protecting ourselves, we tend to carry baggage...if you're aware of it and are willing to work on it, that's half the battle..everyone has baggage, it all depends on if you carry it with you and for how long or if you dump it on the next partner...
I've always believed that we tend to carry our baggage from one relationship to the other. Even more so if we were messed over badly from the last person. I know from personal experence I've done this a time or two myself.
This usually occurs when the past relationship has not been processed and put away...
The hypervigilante attitude that occurs by stating quietly to us in the beginning of a new relationship..."Not again"
While red flags exist we need to draw a definitive line that defines the past from real concern.
I've always believed that we tend to carry our baggage from one relationship to the other. Even more so if we were messed over badly from the last person. I know from personal experence I've done this a time or two myself.
Because we don't want history to repeat itself.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
