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Too bad you don't have a Christian marriage - the Chrisitian vows tell both to "leave father and mother". If your wife cannot leave her mother and father, she was never ready for marriage.
Raising a child takes a lot of give and take. I'd suggest "husband" have a long talk with "wife", during which he listens to her concerns. The first thing that crossed my mind is that a young woman might benefit a great deal from the support of her family during pregnancy and early parenthood. It's a scary time. Maybe a good compromise would be moving when the child has his/her first birthday.
I don't care what the rationale is, that's a demand which is way out of bounds and shouldn't even enter into a discussion about relocating.
I disagree. If the wife is very tied to and dependent on her parents, then this marriage is in trouble and it's not a good time to start a family.
I think it would be best for him to relocate now, have the better job and better pay because otherwise he's going to resent the apronstrings more and more. If the wife cannot leave her parents, she has more growing up to do before she should think about having kids.
[/i][/b]Dude!! don't you get it? HELLOOOOOOOOOOO It's not her father or her family that's the problem - IT'S YOUR WIFE GOING ALONG WITH IT- ALL OF IT !! She went along with the Christmas snub crap, she went away with taking the dog out to pee and leaving you out crap, she went along with the going out to dinner with her sisters and dad crap- what is the common denominator here- HER- keep your raincoat on buddy- no kids for you-are you NUTS?? Go home to your family across the country and start over- you will both be fine. She doesn't have room for you in her life.
Exactly. The problem is with the wife and her inability to grow up and leave her family. The father-in-law sounds very very manipulative and is using his daughters to fulfill some need he has for keeping himself in the good parent position since he failed to make his own marriage work.
I think the OP needs to relocate and take the better job and if his wife wishes to remain with her daddy, then that's the choice she will continue to make. The OP should remind her of her marriage vows if they included that "leave father" part of traditional vows and let the choice be hers.
Unless he wants the father-in-law doing the same thing with grandchildren that he's done to his children - that is crippled them and manipulate them into staying his forever, he should not have kids until the wife is able to decide for her marriage. Otherwise, leave her be -- let her remain her father's surrogate wife and move on.
For people saying to separate - but we get along great when it's just us. We lived in my state for about 3.5 years and didn't have problems like this. Would it really be better to throw away 8 years, vs trying to go back to what has worked for us in the past?
No, it's not time to separate. But it is time for marriage counseling. And I hate suggesting that because that's a typical response you get at the drop of a hat on this board. But in your situation, I really believe it's needed. Desperately.
No, it's not time to separate. But it is time for marriage counseling. And I hate suggesting that because that's a typical response you get at the drop of a hat on this board. But in your situation, I really believe it's needed. Desperately.
Here, here!
OP, I feel for you. I really do. It's obvious you love your wife.
I just can't wrap my mind around how a woman could be so influenced by her family the way she is. It's like they are trying to cause problems between the two of you, and she is letting them. She's not being loyal to you in that regard.
I don't think it's selfish, some peoples parents GAH!
Then again I wouldn't live too close to my own mother either, small doses dispersed of the year simply works best, or I go completely nuts.
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