Please help! Forgive or forget? (love, cheating, younger, family)
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I just dunno who to turn to for advice. I don't have a father figure in my life and my other family members are from a different culture so they tackle these kind of issues in a very frustrating way. I recently fell in love for the first time. Yea I've had past relationships. Good ones. Bad ones. But as cliche as it sounds. This was way different. It was like all the sorrow and misery in my life was takin away by this one person. And when I say sorrow I mean all the emotional and physical abuse that happened in my life didn't matter anymore. And when things went downhill, I panicked and I decided to leave town to live with my aunt and uncle. As I did I held on to hope so I went back. Only to know she slept with someone else and that she didn't love me anymore so I left town again. As painful as it was, I felt a bizarre peace to know it was done. As a month or two went by I realized even tho I knew it was over, I still really cared about her because of her family life and personal life revolves around a lot of drugs and I wanted her to be happy. I want to be the person she can go to when she feels her life is goin downhill cause I care about her well being so much. So we would occasionally check in on each other. And as we started talking she started to say how unhappy she was and the last time she was happy was when me and her were together on a date. So obviously I started to feel some things. But I dunno if I can ever deal with the fact she slept with someone else but at the same time I still love her and want to be with her. Where do I draw the line? Do I forgive? Or forget? I miss her, but she hurt me. But a part of my mind just wants to forgive her and be with her again. What should I do?
I just dunno who to turn to for advice. I don't have a father figure in my life and my other family members are from a different culture so they tackle these kind of issues in a very frustrating way. I recently fell in love for the first time. Yea I've had past relationships. Good ones. Bad ones. But as cliche as it sounds. This was way different. It was like all the sorrow and misery in my life was takin away by this one person. And when I say sorrow I mean all the emotional and physical abuse that happened in my life didn't matter anymore. And when things went downhill, I panicked and I decided to leave town to live with my aunt and uncle. As I did I held on to hope so I went back. Only to know she slept with someone else and that she didn't love me anymore so I left town again. As painful as it was, I felt a bizarre peace to know it was done. As a month or two went by I realized even tho I knew it was over, I still really cared about her because of her family life and personal life revolves around a lot of drugs and I wanted her to be happy. I want to be the person she can go to when she feels her life is goin downhill cause I care about her well being so much. So we would occasionally check in on each other. And as we started talking she started to say how unhappy she was and the last time she was happy was when me and her were together on a date. So obviously I started to feel some things. But I dunno if I can ever deal with the fact she slept with someone else but at the same time I still love her and want to be with her. Where do I draw the line? Do I forgive? Or forget? I miss her, but she hurt me. But a part of my mind just wants to forgive her and be with her again. What should I do?
Honey, have you ever heard the expression, "hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on ME"?
You are of course free to do whatever you choose to do. And if giving her a second chance is something you feel you have to try just so you won't wonder the rest of your life, then go ahead.
But do it with the full knowledge that the chances of you being hurt by her again are very real and very high.
As long as you are willing to accept those potential consequences then follow your heart and see this thing thru.
But I would advise you to let her know up front what your boundries are, then stick to them. If she crosses those you have to be sure she knows you will walk away, and then you have to actually be willing to walk.
You need to communicate on WHY she was messing around on you. So before I'd invest any more time with her and fall in love again, I'd get together with her and both of you need to sit down and really talk. Talk about how you feel about each other, why she cheated, etc. Then both of you will know if you want to get back together or just remain friends.
Ok, just read your post again. Sounds like she slept with someone when you panicked and left town so you were broken up? If so, then there's nothing to forgive. You both were broken up with each other so she was free to date.
If the two of you broke up she was completely in her right to go with someone else, especially when you showed no signs of wanting to work things out (ie you left town!?!). She doesn't need forgiveness YOU need a reality check.
If the two of you broke up she was completely in her right to go with someone else, especially when you showed no signs of wanting to work things out (ie you left town!?!). She doesn't need forgiveness YOU need a reality check.
Oh trust me I made it clear I wanted to work things out. I did everything in my power to try and win her back. And the reason I left again I because I really thought she didn't love me anymore. But now that I'm gone it seems she misses me. Or maybe it's an act. I just dunno. I'm just at a weird decision point here...
Oh trust me I made it clear I wanted to work things out. I did everything in my power to try and win her back. And the reason I left again I because I really thought she didn't love me anymore. But now that I'm gone it seems she misses me. Or maybe it's an act. I just dunno. I'm just at a weird decision point here...
The general consensus seems to be that there is nothing to forgive her for since the two of you were broken up. Do you view her as damaged goods now? I'm still curious as to whether this is some cultural thing.
If you had broken up with her and then she slept with someone else, that wasn't cheating and she wasn't wrong to do it. What is there to forgive?
Right I understand. She just moved on so quick that it hurt. And the biggest issue probably is that I really regret moving out of town. Maybe it wasn't the best idea. But it feels weird to think that now she's slept with someone to get it out of her system then claims these things about thinking about me. I just love her so much that it's making me think really irrationally and I just dunno what would be the best option at this point. To move on or to find a way to get back to her.
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