Problems in a relationship (man, advice, friends, perspective)
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I am in a relationship about 2 years, and it has been shaky for a while and we've been fighting a lot. Mainly due to her lack of respect to me and saying very rude things about me. It has been really droning and we fight quite often, and just a few days ago I have met a girl who has been really nice to me, and we've been getting along very well.
I'm not really asking what should I do to you guys.. but more.. how would you handle the situation?
#1. The other girl is irrelevant. Everyone is nice when you first meet them. Forget about the other girl when deciding what to do here.
#2. If your girlfriend is unhappy and is expressing why she is unhappy to you (and you decide that's 'rude' and 'boring'), then that's one thing. But if she is actually being mean and belittling and disrespectful, that's another. In the latter situation, I'd just end the relationship. I don't want to have anything to do with anyone who can't converse with me in a respectful manner.
Yeah, its not like I'm saying this other girl is perfect or anything, and I'm not making any decisions based on her, BUT she is really nice and it is nice being around someone who I have more things in common with and who actually says nice things about me!
Maybe she will turn into a jerk? Who knows? Who cares? I got more important things to worry about in my life than what someone can become.
Well, almost NO women will let you see their bitchy side right away. Like most men won't let you see their cheating, penny-pinching side right away.
True. OP said it's been 2 years - long enough for the real personality to come out - or to change.
Perhaps add that to the list of Endangered Qualities - Up-Front Honesty.
I see it as a roll of the dice when you enter a new relationship - you try to present your good side, sure, and cover your faults. The edge goes to the person with superior perception and analytical ability - as always.
If you don't have those, you're just a leaf in the river, swirling around endlessly and hoping the current takes you to a pleasant shore.
Nah. I'm really what-you-see-is-what-you-get. Life is too short to walk around buying into the stupid idea that there is someone out there with no faults, who is perfectly polite all the time, and who lives to kiss your feet day and night. So I don't claim to be that person, and I never looked for that person.
Also, since I have gotten to know most of the people I've been with PRIOR to developing a romantic relationship, there were rarely any hidden 'gems.'
So am I and I agree with the rest of your post. All I need is a flexible person, which pretty much means a person who does not try to be perfect. The OPs girlfriend calling him names and putting him down is not a flexible person. She expects him to change for her and that shows disrespect. She has little regard for his feelings.
I feel like the OP is allowing the girlfriend to decide things are not working out but it is being dragged out. In this case, I agree with SifuPhil that the OP is just a leaf in the river letting things happen to him.
Again, two sides to every story, but I've walked away from behavior better than that.
^^^^
I'm always skeptical of relationship threads that blame the other person for all or most of the problems, but for the few cases that it is true there is no reason to put up with that type of behavior. Rudeness and belittling comments are an absolute dealbreaker. They only get worse with time and life is too short to dislike the partner you're with.
I am in a relationship about 2 years, and it has been shaky for a while and we've been fighting a lot. Mainly due to her lack of respect to me and saying very rude things about me. It has been really droning and we fight quite often, and just a few days ago I have met a girl who has been really nice to me, and we've been getting along very well.
I'm not really asking what should I do to you guys.. but more.. how would you handle the situation?
Easy. Ditch the one you're with now and look for other relationships, such as the girl you say has been really nice to you.
Listen, if you're already having these issues they are only going to get worse!
Cut the strings now before marriage and kids enter.
You owe that to yourself and her!!!!
You are NOT well matched if you're fighting a lot.
This is very, very true, especially the bolded. Take this from one who knows.
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