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i either under-read or over-read signals. i don't like games or "rules."
i've been casually seeing a very nice fellow. he's got a good job, he's kind, considerate, he is broadening my horizons, and he is a perfect, perfect gentleman (and that is not a term i use often or lightly these days).
we met online, had coffee... he was nice, but from my perspective he wasn't that into it. low and behold he wants to get together again. i find him attractive, but not my "usual type." we have since gone out a handful of times, still very much "getting to know you."
he went on a mini-vacation and texted me/sent me pics the whole time. we spent 7hrs together one night and he called the next day wanting to see me already.
i'm in no rush with him, i like things the way they are... but would like to know if he friend-zoned me. it has been a long time since i made a new platonic male friend... they are all from like 10 years ago!
a friend suggested i talk to other guys when i'm with him... this confuses me. she said it will indicate whether he is jealous or not, and may get him to make the next step?
i feel like that is too much game playing.
i would like to ask him directly but a number of things are holding me back:
1. i'm honestly ok with either option, friendship or dating and i don't want to ruin any chances at a friendship by pushing the issue
2. he's an old-school gentleman, i doubt he rushes into anything
3. i'm having fun with him right now the way things are, and don't want to put pressure where there doesn't need to be any.
i guess i'm asking this: if i think he's flirting, do i flirt back? and am i reading too much into his actions (texting me while on vacation and wanting to see me again ASAP after a long date)?
Dating is challenging for most. It just is what it is and it is always changing. U just got to get in there do the best u can with as long as u want to deal with it. "If at first u don't succeed try, try again.."
Don't play games with him by "talking to other men when you're with him" to make him jealous. Why would you do that? It's silly and childish. Why not be direct with someone?
I think the relationship is much too new to try to define anything. Just enjoy his company. What is the need to put him in a "friend" category, or "potential boyfriend" category? Why do that? Do you have some kind of useless deadline or something? In a rush?
Don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself OR him to put a label on your "getting to know you phase".
Simply go out and enjoy his company. Let things develop normally without the "ok he said he wants to be more than friends" then get all stirred up and flustered over "do I want more from him"?
Go out with the guy, and be friends. If things develop it will take its natural course without the stress over "defining" what you've got this early in the relationship.
i agree completely about talking to other guys and trying to make him jealous. i just don't get it... i've never been a game player and i get confused when people do it/tell me to-- at times i feel like maybe i haven't played the games when it's been expected of me. i don't know.
and you're right, i shouldn't worry about defining anything. i am not on a deadline. i intended to stop dating, actually... i met this guy b/c i thought he would be a good friend, theater/art gallery/jazz buddy. i got confused when i thought he was flirting with me, lol. i felt the need to decide if i wanted to flirt back, if i would be open to dating him, etc etc. i'll blame my intense need to be in control.
but you've provided a much needed reality check, thank you
i needed to hear the validation that i should not be playing games. it didn't sit right, but when a close friend suggests it... well, maybe it has merit. in this case, i'm glad it doesn't!!
yes, i definitely need to stop over-analyzing, if you look it up in the dictionary my pic is next to it. LOL everything was fine for me until i thought he was flirting and i felt i needed to be "prepared"
chill is the word. or at least as chill as i can be.
Since he's been mentioning that he wants to see you again and is keeping good contact with you, it definitely does sound like the guy is interested in you. Just relax and enjoy the initial stages of dating; its fun! So what if he's not your usual "type"? If it works out, then great; if not, find someone more on your wavelength next time. Don't sweat it!
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