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I am sure this has been done a million times but I’m going to make it a million and 1.
Guys, do you ever feel threatened by women who enjoy sex and aren’t afraid to say so?
Women who enjoy things such as pornography and/or erotica and aren’t afraid to talk about it?
I suppose “threatened” isn’t the word… maybe judgmental is more the word I am looking for.
Let me explain.
The other day I was telling someone (a guy) about a girlfriend of mine who never holds back. I love this about her, she isn’t afraid to say exactly what she wants and what’s on her mind. Somehow though, it never comes across in a trashy way. Explicit, but not trashy. I can also talk openly with her about what I like and want and she shows no judgment towards me. Very SATC I suppose – just 2 mature women discussing sex.
My friend told me he thinks she sounds like “a bit of a slut”. I was so angry and insulted by his judgment of her. How dare he call her such an ugly name when he likes exactly the same things she does?
My guess is that if any person conveys a very large sexual appetite, people are going to wonder about that person's fidelity. I mean, you can compare yourself to Carrie, but she cheated on her boyfriends, and Samantha screwed anything that moved. I think men also have a general fear of female infidelity because of paternity fraud. Not that that has anything to do with you in particular, but it's a pervasive social attitude.
My advice is to choose your audience. Maybe that guy didn't want to hear it?
My guess is that if any person conveys a very large sexual appetite, people are going to wonder about that person's fidelity. I mean, you can compare yourself to Carrie, but she cheated on her boyfriends, and Samantha screwed anything that moved.
I wasn’t comparing myself, I was just trying to set the scene for the kind of discussion we were having… except this time it was between me and a guy friend, not me and a girl friend.
I have a massive appetite. I am worse than a 15 year old boy when it comes to most things to do with sex.
I have never, ever cheated though. I know full well the importance of fidelity. Once I am with someone I am with them fully.
Ive always thought this sort of thing actually works the other way around. I think women truly despise and are intimidated by men who are overtly sexually confident. I notice most of the time when men brag or talk about their wild sex life, women usually make it a point to bring him back down to earth. They dont like men who get too openly confident about their sex skills. They like men who behave confidently in other circumstances, but they dont seem to like when men openly express their confidence in their sexual abilities. Its almost as if they feel offended that a man believes he is sexually capable without their prior authorization. I think most women view the confirmation or the disapproval of a man's sexual performance to be her domain, and ultimately her last stronghold of power on his psyche.
I think if your talking about a woman who doesn't enjoy physical intimacy sure but I for one would not want to be with a man who is insecure. I have been there and I got tired of nurse maiding him, constantly trying to shore him up.
Ive always thought this sort of thing actually works the other way around. I think women truly despise and are intimidated by men who are overtly sexually confident. I notice most of the time when men brag or talk about their wild sex life, women usually make it a point to bring him back down to earth. They dont like men who get too openly confident about their sex skills. They like men who behave confidently in other circumstances, but they dont seem to like when men openly express their confidence in their sexual abilities. Its almost as if they feel offended that a man believes he is sexually capable without their prior authorization. I think most women view the confirmation or the disapproval of a man's sexual performance to be her domain, and ultimately her last stronghold of power on his psyche.
That's bragging, not confidence. HUGE turn-off, and a major red flag that the guy probably doesn't know what he is doing.
My SO, who is quite skilled thankyouverymuch, is not keen on discussing his skills, because they are specific to me and that's what he cares about.
That's bragging, not confidence. HUGE turn-off, and a major red flag that the guy probably doesn't know what he is doing.
My SO, who is quite skilled thankyouverymuch, is not keen on discussing his skills, because they are specific to me and that's what he cares about.
I believe you. But this is exactly what Im talking about. Usually when men actually know they are good at sex and they brag about it (IE. Express confidence), women, as you did, make it a point to kind of remind him that he hasnt convinced her. Or that he hasnt obtained her consent. There are men who get enough sex to know that they are great at it. But, I noticed a lot of women (women who havent actually had sex with said man), will go to great lengths to discredit his confidence, or deem it baseless. Or they'll say something to the effect of "Well it takes more than ______ to get my juices going"...or "What if all of your girlfriends were faking?"...or something to that effect to discredit his belief in his performance.
But IDK, I can totally understand how no one would like a weak/insecure lover, man or woman. But I think that women have a certain limit on the amount of self assuredness they will let a man have about himself sexually, before they get a little miffed about his bragging, and take it upon themselves to put his "ego" in check. Surely I cant be the only person who has noticed this trend....??
Last edited by solytaire; 02-13-2011 at 08:11 PM..
I believe you. But this is exactly what Im talking about. Usually when men actually know they are good at sex and they brag about it (IE. Express confidence), women, as you did, make it a point to kind of remind him that he hasnt convinced her.
The ones who are best in bed don't have to brag about it.
I believe you. But this is exactly what Im talking about. Usually when men actually know they are good at sex and they brag about it (IE. Express confidence), women, as you did, make it a point to kind of remind him that he hasnt convinced her. Or that he hasnt obtained her consent. There are men who get enough sex to know that they are great at it. But, I noticed a lot of women (women who havent actually had sex with said man), will go to great lengths to discredit his confidence, or deem it baseless. Or they'll say something to the effect of "Well it takes more than ______ to get my juices going"...or "What if all of your girlfriends were faking?"...or something to that effect to discredit his belief in his performance.
But IDK, I can totally understand how no one would like a weak/insecure lover, man or woman. But I think that women have a certain limit on the amount of self assuredness they will let a man have about himself sexually, before they get a little miffed about his bragging, and take it upon themselves to put his "ego" in check. Surely I cant be the only person who has noticed this trend....??
You're right, it is the trend.
I would have the same reaction. Bragging about how good you are shows low class and insecurity, even if he is good in bed. If I heard a guy doing that, I would never date him.
The ones who are best in bed don't have to brag about it.
Or they'll say something similar to this. Anything to keep a man from openly expressing his confidence in his performance. Could it have something to do with women wanting to keep a man who is good at sex, a secret? Sort of like keeping him to herself so that other women dont express interest....? Just a theory.
I would have the same reaction. Bragging about how good you are shows low class and insecurity, even if he is good in bed. If I heard a guy doing that, I would never date him.
I agree with that. BUT, I do think women find it mentally stimulating for a man to kind of brag about what he can do or what he could do. Ive heard some women liken it to foreplay almost, saying that it builds sexual tension. Dont know if its true or not.
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How dare he call her such an ugly name when he likes exactly the same things she does?
