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This link triggered my topic, does relate very well to my feelings of not wanting to re-marry. I don't want to re-marry
So I was searching the net and found several blogs touching on the subject of not wanting to re-marry after been divorced. I've come to that point in my life, where I don't feel comfortable re-marrying. I don't see any point to the institution of marriage in the 21st century and no longer feels that it provides a single positive quality to my safety and financial security. Compound that with my grim outlook on the stability of my dating stock, facebook being the ultimate showcase of emotional unreliability, and the choice to marry to someone with lesser financial resources than me is outright financial self-imposed destruction. I hate the fact I can't trust a SO to not flake out on me, but I can deal with lowering my expectations of humanity. What I can't stand is being told by the State to pay out of my own hide for said "life lesson", which I have today for free anyways....
I truly feel the suggestion that a state-sanctioned legally binding certificate, with rather overt punitive economic consequences for the larger asset holding half, as the only way of proving one's love and commitment to another is a rather disingenuous assertion. To each their own and all that jazz, but that's the way I feel.
My question pertains to the concept of my target audience. I recognize the female peer group, particularly the never married before kind, will not understand, nor internalize or largely accept that concern, as I expect them to behave according to their social conditioning (i.e. that weddings and dresses and financial yoking and economic punishment for flaking out are the ultimate prize and social status symbol). Is there hope out there to be able to engage people willing to embark in long term relationships where the concept of marriage is by-passed? Any readers out there have any experience they may want to share?
I was mentioning to a friend, I caught myself staring at my ceiling fan the other day. The way it turned, the lights were on. I felt safe. And the idea that someone could jeopardize my ability to put food on the table (like my exwife did, not because of who she was, but because of the legal construct of marriage) simply stood the hair on the back of my head straight up. There has to be a more balanced approach to establishing a stable life relationship with somebody than marriage. But is there any reception to this idea? My guess is that I'm alone in that agenda.
Finally. Any thoughts to the moral and practical equivalences of prenups and their offer in lieu of marriage-less relationships? (Im assuming non common-law states) When I suggested prenups to any of my female peers or even my exwife the accusation always hovered around this idea of "expectation of failure". Yet look at my marriage, dead and no prenup. So I was right. Prenup had nothing to do with the reasons for my divorce. But prenups would have lessened my economic hardship, as such separation should have never cost me in the first place.
One thing I do know, being alone is not that bad a price to pay for economic safety. All I gotta do is get on facebook and I can find 500k women willing to pay me undivided attention....for a week or two as they seem to flake out after that. 500k women, two weeks...52 weeks a year...9615 years before I run out of women lol. I think renting is not that bad after all
Yeesh. Jaded much? I've been through a divorce, and surprise! my ex came out of it just fine, financially.
You can find unlimited women on FB to fawn over you? Then by all means, if that is what floats your boat, I think you should hang out there as much as possible.
Yeesh. Jaded much? I've been through a divorce, and surprise! my ex came out of it just fine, financially.
You can find unlimited women on FB to fawn over you? Then by all means, if that is what floats your boat, I think you should hang out there as much as possible.
Your ex was lucky. That doesn't all of sudden make me jaded or dismiss the punitive nature of marriage dissolution. In a world where movies like the "first wives club" are made and eternal jokes of people chainsawing the house piano exist in our psyche, are you seriously suggesting my assertion of marital disolution being punitive is an "imagined" condition and therefore just a product of an emotional state (jaded)? Are you serious?
As far as the facebook jab, I wasn't suggesting I was desiring that construct, I was making a generalization of how I view my peer dating stock (flaky self-absorbed facebook junkie incapable of holding a course for more than a week). I would be miserable pursuing such a lifestyle.
Your ex was lucky. That doesn't all of sudden make me jaded or dismiss the punitive nature of marriage dissolution. In a world where movies like the "first wives club" are made and eternal jokes of people chainsawing the house piano exist in our psyche, are you seriously suggesting my assertion of marital disolution being punitive is an "imagined" condition and therefore just a product of an emotional state (jaded)? Are you serious?
As far as the facebook jab, I wasn't suggesting I was desiring that construct, I was making a generalization of how I view my peer dating stock (flaky self-absorbed facebook junkie incapable of holding a course for more than a week). I would be miserable pursuing such a lifestyle.
I think there are many men that get fleeced in divorce. But do I think it's a "punitive" normal occurence? Heck no. In fact I think women also get fleeced, but for them, it's worth it to get away.
You marry for love, to build a life together, to honor cherish and uphold your marriage vows...when one DOES NOT, the marriage is broken. That person must pay the price.....
To view the demise of your marriage from SOLELY the financial losses you have sustained is incredibly telling of what you value and where you place the emphasis in your life.....
wow, I've stumbled into a new one. A polling group that considers divorces economically non-punitive. so all that cultural hype of divorces being devastating to household finances was all imagined. 'Cause I'm pretty sure the chairs that were flying in divorce court when I went to file my papers (ex wife absent) were not imagined. Those people were not happy about losing the house and 401K, I don't think that was imagined.
You know what? I stand corrected. I live in a community property state. You guys may not. I may have assumed that the only unhappy divorces occur in the states of Arizona California Idaho Louisiana Nevada New Mexico Texas Washington.................. and Wisconsin.
Because I would certainly feel much different about the idea of never re-marrying if I held the same polyanna outlook on the economic outcomes of the marital dissolution as you guys do. Somehow the peanut gallery tends to side with me (and so do the hairs on the back of my head) that divorce is not collectively that free lunchish as you guys portray it. But it could be the community property state issue. We agree to disagree.
I would like to still get yalls thoughts on pernups versus the commitment to never marry again.
You marry for love, to build a life together, to honor cherish and uphold your marriage vows...when one DOES NOT, the marriage is broken. That person must pay the price.....
To view the demise of your marriage from SOLELY the financial losses you have sustained is incredibly telling of what you value and where you place the emphasis in your life.....
Tell that to my cheating exwife. I don't view the world as solely an economic construct. I did get married once after all. But I don't find it equitable you point an economic gun to my head and threaten my ability to shelter, cloth and feed myself according to the effort of my hands and honest effort, just because you decided one day you didn't want to play house anymore. That's not righteous nor holy, and my self-preservation does not make me materialistic.
I'm troubled by your accusation that one must "pay the price". WTH are you talking about? Removing a roof over my head is a disproportionate price to pay for having your SO dishonor an emotional promise. How could you even suggest that is equitable restitution? That's talibani INSANE. I find a person threatening my livelihood as a much more terrible offense than actually cheating on me. Just because my SO didn't raise her hand at me makes emotional desertion all of a sudden running with half my livelihood equitable ?
Wanting to eat is not materialistic. Wanting to keep the lights on over my ceiling with the fruits of my hands is not materialistic. We agree to disagree.
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Marriage
