Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been with a girl for a five years. We've had our ups and downs but overall, it's been better than bad and it's all that matters.
I was seeing a lot of girls when we met. I never thought it would last more than one night because she is a single mom. But I chose her because she is confident, intelligent and she really knows how to treat a man. She knows how men think and how to treat one.
We've decided to have a child together. But since she got pregnant, she changed A LOT. She's defensive about everything. She looks down on me, even though I make twice the money I made before, that I got us a bigger and nicer place, showered her with gifts...her tone of voice when she talks to me is just so full of contempt. She cuts me mid-sentence and talks me down like she's my 1st grade teacher.
I'm very depressed about this because I see many women doing this in our surroundings and unfortunately, I can't console myself thinking it's only temporary, that it's only hormones. Most of them keep that attitude long after their child birth. Their husband/boyfriend look like beaten dogs.
Ironically, my girlfriend used to pity those very same men and frown upon from these women. That gave me even more confidence that I was with the right girl because I have very little tolerance for such behavior.
Now she just acts the same. I've tried to communicate about it. I've warned her to change her attitude, but she won't stop. She doesn't even realize how she talks to me unless I quote her word for word and use her tone. Even then, she says I'm making it up, ignoring it happened like 10 seconds ago.
Any guys (or girls) had the same problem? Any of you managed to turn this around? If so, how?
Because frankly, even though we're expecting a child together, I have little interest in staying in that relationship. I saw my parents stay together for their children even though they weren't happy...I won't do the same. Not worth it.
I am curious. Why did you decide to have a child together, but without getting married? It's your prerogative, and i am not judging you, I'm just curious. I can't help but think that you both view your relationship as already having a definitive shelf life, and you did so going into this "let's have a child" phase.... and the pregnancy isn't postponing the expiration date as one might think.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,306 posts, read 8,652,146 times
Reputation: 6391
Hey Dude,
She's pregnant, her hormones and her body are going crazy, maybe she's stressing too..Stress isn't good for the baby, give her some slack it only lasts for a few months. That Baby lasts for the rest of your life...Support your woman and your Baby...THAT'S YOUR JOB NOW...Be your woman's best friend and be your childs father to the best of your abillity......
I'm thinking she's thinking that having a child with you was a mistake. The behavior you describe is designed to drive you away and prove it was a mistake. I'm not sure what was going on in your relationship before she became pregnant but pregnancy didn't fix it.
You said she was a single mom. What happened to the father of her other child? Did he run after she became pregnant? Were they ever married? If not, she's probably reliving the experience and expecting you to do the same.
Unfortunately, it's too late to fix that one. A marriage that occurs within one year of a birth is unlikely to survive.
I'll second asking you why you're having a child with someone you didn't want to commit to. This would have been much less messy without a child. I feel bad for the baby. From the sounds of things, he/she will be raised by a single mom.
Oh and one more thing: the way belittling manner in which she talks to you isn't going to go away. That is likely always going to be the nature of your relationship.
We are in a weird social phase here in the US, in which the average man is portrayed to be a moron. It's a cultural norm for someone reason (maybe its an attempt at transferring power?) when it comes to so many things on TV which are marketed towards women. Just pay attention to most TV commercials for consumer products. Or watch a female-oriented tv show. For instance I watch Cougartown thanks to my demographic; the lead character's ex-husband is so stupid on the show you wonder how he ties his shoes. The lead character's BFF's husband is only marginally more intelligent (and is very obedient).
What I am getting at is it is the media portrays it as normal to talk to your man like he is an idiotic five year old... she likely has no idea that she is doing it or that it is a problem. You can try talking to her about it, but it probably won't help.
I am curious. Why did you decide to have a child together, but without getting married? It's your prerogative, and i am not judging you, I'm just curious. I can't help but think that you both view your relationship as already having a definitive shelf life, and you did so going into this "let's have a child" phase.... and the pregnancy isn't postponing the expiration date as one might think.
People still get married?
Just kidding. We do not believe in marriage. And from the looks of it, not many couples around us do either. And those who are married do not look happier than those who aren't.
I honestly don't know how you came up with that theory that we both view our relationship as having a "shelf life". We went through a lot of issues together that would destroy 99% of couples. But we always pulled through and I always considered this particular problem to be just another bump on the road.
But it's proving more and more to become an insurmontable mountain and in my opinion, a relationship reaches a dead end when you lose admiration for your partner.
I've been with a girl for a five years. We've had our ups and downs but overall, it's been better than bad and it's all that matters.
I was seeing a lot of girls when we met. I never thought it would last more than one night because she is a single mom. But I chose her because she is confident, intelligent and she really knows how to treat a man. She knows how men think and how to treat one.
We've decided to have a child together. But since she got pregnant, she changed A LOT. She's defensive about everything. She looks down on me, even though I make twice the money I made before, that I got us a bigger and nicer place, showered her with gifts...her tone of voice when she talks to me is just so full of contempt. She cuts me mid-sentence and talks me down like she's my 1st grade teacher.
I'm very depressed about this because I see many women doing this in our surroundings and unfortunately, I can't console myself thinking it's only temporary, that it's only hormones. Most of them keep that attitude long after their child birth. Their husband/boyfriend look like beaten dogs.
Ironically, my girlfriend used to pity those very same men and frown upon from these women. That gave me even more confidence that I was with the right girl because I have very little tolerance for such behavior.
Now she just acts the same. I've tried to communicate about it. I've warned her to change her attitude, but she won't stop. She doesn't even realize how she talks to me unless I quote her word for word and use her tone. Even then, she says I'm making it up, ignoring it happened like 10 seconds ago.
Any guys (or girls) had the same problem? Any of you managed to turn this around? If so, how?
Because frankly, even though we're expecting a child together, I have little interest in staying in that relationship. I saw my parents stay together for their children even though they weren't happy...I won't do the same. Not worth it.
It is because they do own your a** silly! Well, for at least 18 years anyway!LOL.......
Just kidding. We do not believe in marriage. And from the looks of it, not many couples around us do either. And those who are married do not look happier than those who aren't.
I honestly don't know how you came up with that theory that we both view our relationship as having a "shelf life". We went through a lot of issues together that would destroy 99% of couples. But we always pulled through and I always considered this particular problem to be just another bump on the road.
But it's proving more and more to become an insurmontable mountain and in my opinion, a relationship reaches a dead end when you lose admiration for your partner.
My shelf life opinion comes from your post. I doubt I am the only person who would read things that way.
Since the situation you put yourself in isn't working out, perhaps its time to re-examine your beliefs about marriage, family and relationships in general. You are showering a woman with gifts who emasculates you on a regular basis... and she is about to be a woman with two kids from two different dads.
Now that I think about it that way, I understand what she is getting out of this deal. You are the one who settled into a bad situation for yourself: a life of emasculation and servitude with no commitment.
Oh and one more thing: the way belittling manner in which she talks to you isn't going to go away. That is likely always going to be the nature of your relationship.
We are in a weird social phase here in the US, in which the average man is portrayed to be a moron. It's a cultural norm for someone reason (maybe its an attempt at transferring power?) when it comes to so many things on TV which are marketed towards women. Just pay attention to most TV commercials for consumer products. Or watch a female-oriented tv show. For instance I watch Cougartown thanks to my demographic; the lead character's ex-husband is so stupid on the show you wonder how he ties his shoes. The lead character's BFF's husband is only marginally more intelligent (and is very obedient).
What I am getting at is it is the media portrays it as normal to talk to your man like he is an idiotic five year old... she likely has no idea that she is doing it or that it is a problem. You can try talking to her about it, but it probably won't help.
I'm canadian, but comments such as yours are often heard up here too. Males on TV all look like they've went through a lobotomy. Most dudes I know are submissive and will only start saying what they really think after a few beers.
That would explain it but we got rid of our TV years ago. We never watch TV because we think it's crap.
What puzzles me is that my girlfriend really hates seeing women talk to their man that way. For instance, after a dinner she'll tell me: "Did you hear how she talks to him, I don't know why he put up with her?"
But for some reason, she emulates their behavior and doesn't even know it. I'm wondering if pregnancy didn't have an effect on her self-esteem.
My shelf life opinion comes from your post. I doubt I am the only person who would read things that way.
I have no idea how my initial post gives out the impression that we view our relationship as temporary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
Since the situation you put yourself in isn't working out, perhaps its time to re-examine your beliefs about marriage, family and relationships in general. You are showering a woman with gifts who emasculates you on a regular basis...
If I mentionned money and gifts, it was to show that I didn't become a lazy flacid loser like a lot of men do as soon as they get a girl pregnant, in case someone would've wondered if I actually deserve that loss of respect...because some men do, IMO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
and she is about to be a woman with two kids from two different dads.
Well, duh. You make it sound like it's a bad thing. Good thing you aren't judging.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
Now that I think about it that way, I understand what she is getting out of this deal. You are the one who settled into a bad situation for yourself.
That single sentence is loaded with assumptions, I don't even know where to begin with it.
Looks like you're more interested in wadding your finger than helping out.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
