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I think I am a pretty normal human being though maybe a bit socially awkward. Acquaintances think I am very serious and even stuck up, but I'm actually somewhat immature and like to joke around a lot. People respect me but they don't seem to want to befriend me. At work I would like to establish friendlier relationships (not just cordial/professional) with people but it eludes me.
I'm just wondering why it is that people might want not want to befriend/approach somebody? I'm pretty sure it's me and not the rest of the world. One friend told me that I'm too intimidating so people don't want to approach me, but I don't see myself that way at all. However I've come to accept that I might have some sort of barrier that I'm unaware of even after 3 decades of troubleshooting, so I welcome any input!
I think I am a pretty normal human being though maybe a bit socially awkward. I'm definitely not mean though I can be a bit harsh sometimes. Acquaintances think I am very serious, but I'm actually somewhat immature and like to joke around a lot. People respect me but they don't seem to want to befriend me. I have also been employed as a small-time model so I'm not hideous, but I've only been asked out maybe 3x in my life (not counting being hit on at clubs by drunk people). I try not to display bad body language like crossing my arms, not making eye contact. and I try to ask people about their lives.
This doesn't bother me that much, only a little bit, since I do have all the good friends and family I ever need who support me. I'm just wondering why it is that people might want not want to befriend/approach somebody? I'm pretty sure it's me and not the rest of the world. One friend told me that I'm too intimidating so people don't want to approach me, but I don't see myself that way at all. However I've come to accept that I might have some sort of barrier that I'm unaware of even after 3 decades of troubleshooting, so I welcome any input! Thanks!
If you have to come to a public forum to ask why you are a social barrier, then I say the problem lies within yourself, not so much with everyone else. It sounds like you are trying way to hard to fit in, and get people to accept you, for who you are! I say, forget that!
Just be yourself, stop putting on errors, and stop over analyzing crap when your out.
I think I am a pretty normal human being though maybe a bit socially awkward. I'm definitely not mean though I can be a bit harsh sometimes. Acquaintances think I am very serious, but I'm actually somewhat immature and like to joke around a lot. People respect me but they don't seem to want to befriend me. I have also been employed as a small-time model so I'm not hideous, but I've only been asked out maybe 3x in my life (not counting being hit on at clubs by drunk people). I try not to display bad body language like crossing my arms, not making eye contact. and I try to ask people about their lives.
This doesn't bother me that much, only a little bit, since I do have all the good friends and family I ever need who support me. I'm just wondering why it is that people might want not want to befriend/approach somebody? I'm pretty sure it's me and not the rest of the world. One friend told me that I'm too intimidating so people don't want to approach me, but I don't see myself that way at all. However I've come to accept that I might have some sort of barrier that I'm unaware of even after 3 decades of troubleshooting, so I welcome any input! Thanks!
If you have to come to a public forum to ask why you are a social barrier, then I say the problem lies within yourself, not so much with everyone else. It sounds like you are trying way to hard to fit in, and get people to accept you, for who you are! I say, forget that!
Just be yourself, stop putting on errors, and stop over analyzing crap when your out.
I did say the problem is with myself and not with everyone else, yes.
Actually I don't try to fit in AT ALL because I don't care what people think and I have always scoffed at the idea of acceptance...
However, I do fit in and am being accepted just fine. Just not able to create closer relationships with coworkers, whereas others around me are able to. Wondering what is missing? Maybe I have some anti-phermone emanating from my pores.
Actually I don't try to fit in AT ALL because I don't care what people think and I have always scoffed at the idea of acceptance...
However, I do fit in and am being accepted just fine. Just not able to create closer relationships with coworkers, whereas others around me are able to. Wondering what is missing?
Ok...do you ever invite them out to lunch?
Do you ever invite yourself to be part of the conversation around you?
I have found, that you need to just open up, and include yourself to a conversation going on in a group around you, or at least, laugh or show facial expression during the conversation.
If you sit in the corner, and wonder why noone is communicating with you, then thats probably why!
Ok...do you ever invite them out to lunch?
Do you ever invite yourself to be part of the conversation around you?
I have found, that you need to just open up, and include yourself to a conversation going on in a group around you, or at least, laugh or show facial expression during the conversation.
If you sit in the corner, and wonder why noone is communicating with you, then thats probably why!
Yes, I do invite people to lunch, and sometimes they go and sometimes they don't LOL - but that doesn't stop me from asking them. I do invite myself to conversations but the camaraderie doesn't persist and takes too much effort to maintain. I guess I should try harder to continue my efforts. Wish I had a natural knack for it and that it didn't suck up so much of my energy.
Yes, I do invite people to lunch, and sometimes they go and sometimes they don't LOL - but that doesn't stop me from asking them. I do invite myself to conversations but the camaraderie doesn't persist and takes too much effort to maintain. I guess I should try harder to continue my efforts. Wish I had a natural knack for it and that it didn't suck up so much of my energy.
Then don`t worry about it. I`m sure that you have a life outside of work...right? Stop trying so hard at work. Be yourself!
miyu - it sounds like you and I were cut from the same cloth. The most often used word to describe me is intimidating - though I never try to be.
In new situations I like to hang back and observe everyone else (to get a feel for the interactions, who likes whom, ect) and it instantly makes people think that I'm a stuck up b**ch!
I'm not outgoing and can't force myself to be that way. I've come to accept that the people who stick it out or take the time to get to know me are worth it, but yes, it means there are fewer casual friends.
The only thing I would recommend is making an effort to take an interest in others. Ask questions about their lives, kids, events they've talked about...if they don't respond, at least you made a valid effort and no one can fault you for being friendly.
Yep, I'm the same way I think and I'm glad I'm not the only one. It has occured to me that maybe the place you work isn't that friendly or isn't a good fit for you. I've had jobs where I didn't fit in well at all w/ my coworkers and ones where I felt quite comfortable with everyone. I like the place I work at right now and would hate to go somewhere that I don't get along with people as well.
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