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Is anyone else generally aggravated when they spend too much time with a sedentary person?
There's someone that stays with us in our home for a few weeks at a time (the reasons aren't important to my question) that is very sedentary and I find myself super bothered by it and I'm not entirely sure why.
If this person was more active I feel like I'd be far, far less bothered by their visits. And it's not like they're demanding or unhelpful when asked for something. But it just seems like it sucks the life out of the house and out of me to have them plopped down in the middle of the living room reading silently or staring at their cell phone all day. I want to tell them to go sit somewhere out of sight for a little while, LOL.
Maybe it triggers a feeling that I need to entertain them or make small talk constantly.
What say ye...anyone else sometimes feel this way around super sedentary people?
Last edited by rokuremote; 05-21-2024 at 04:41 PM..
Is anyone else generally aggravated when they spend too much time with a sedentary person?
There's someone that stays with us in our home for a few weeks at a time (the reasons aren't important to my question) that is very sedentary and I find myself super bothered by it and I'm not entirely sure why.
If this person was more active I feel like I'd be far, far less bothered by their visits. And it's not like they're demanding or unhelpful when asked for something. But it just seems like it sucks the life out of the house and out of me to have them plopped down in the middle of the living room reading silently or staring at their cell phone all day.
Maybe it triggers a feeling that I need to entertain them or make small talk constantly.
What say ye...anyone else sometimes feel this way around super sedentary people?
It might If it was just laziness and not some medical reason.
If it did I would probably see if they could live somewhere else.
Nope. I get on with what I need to do and just hope they don’t sit in judgement of me.
Maybe it triggers you thinking you need to entertain them or guilt for not being sedentary. Have you asked if they want to do more or if they are happy snuggling down with a book? Do you suspect medical issues? If they are happy being sedentary and don’t have medical issues then work on why you’re letting it bother you.
In the past I needed to spend time hosting or sharing a house with a sibling who's very sedentary. She spends hours parked in a chair glued to her phone or tablet. Bugged me quite a bit, but I soon realized it was up to me to go do something to release that aggravation. I suspect I felt the urge to "fix" what IMHO was wrong with her life. Realizing that was neither my beeswax nor responsibility was quite liberating.
In the past I needed to spend time hosting or sharing a house with a sibling who's very sedentary. She spends hours parked in a chair glued to her phone or tablet. Bugged me quite a bit, but I soon realized it was up to me to go do something to release that aggravation. I suspect I felt the urge to "fix" what IMHO was wrong with her life. Realizing that was neither my beeswax nor responsibility was quite liberating.
Thanks for this story.
I do my best to just come and go at will, and not really initiate forced small talk. It can be hard because I have a deeply-ingrained sense of being a good host which includes being inclusive and cheerful around guests. BUT I also learned when I was young to know how to be a good guest, and that includes going to a private space at times when I want to give my host some space. No, I would never tell my guest to go to their room to read and vegetate for a while, but I wish it would just occur to them naturally, LOL.
I have no idea how helpful this will be, but I have always been an introvert who finds more than an hour of conversation or partying very tiring unless the person I am with is intellectually very stimulating. When I was a young girl and forced to go to a relative's house or a relative would stay with us, I would try to escape with a book if I could (and was sometimes considered rude for doing so).
However, I can relate to the OP if someone is visiting me for a long time (such as a relative, either my own or my husband's), and it does drive me "crazy" if the person is such a bad conversationalist (either by indulging in a non-stop boring monologue or by not being able to conduct any kind of conversation at all). I would much rather they just not visit at all or go for a long walk and/or take a book or cellphone with them!
Btw, I am talking about older people, not young people. If a young person wants to sit with some kind of electronic device and not participate, that is fine with me, as I think they are just entertaining themselves.
Last edited by katharsis; 05-21-2024 at 06:47 PM..
I have no idea how helpful this will be, but I have always been an introvert who finds more than an hour of conversation or partying very tiring unless the person I am with is intellectually very stimulating, so when I was a young girl and forced to go to a relative's house or a relative would stay with us, I would try to escape with a book if I could (and was sometimes considered rude for doing so).
However, I can relate to the OP if someone is visiting me for a long time (such as a relative, either my own or my husband's), and it would drive me "crazy" if the person was such a bad conversationalist (either by indulging in a non-stop boring monologue or by not being able to conduct any kind of conversation at all), it does bother me very much. I would much rather they just not visit at all or go for a long walk and/or take a book with them!
Btw, I am talking about older people, not young people. If a young person wants to sit with some kind of electronic device and not participate, that is fine with me, as I think they are just entertaining themselves.
No add to this that they're sitting smack in the middle of the house.
Obviously, and this is not a smart a** thing to say, the problem isn't the sedentary person in your home. The problem is you. Just ask them why they are that way? Maybe that's why it's bothering you, or maybe you're tired of them always being in the way, who knows? We make things into problems because we let our minds take us where we don't need to go, and 99% of the problems in the world could be resolved through simple, honest communication. Just talk to them and find out for yourself. If it doesn't work for you, find a solution that does, or be in another part of the home until they're gone. And yes, the reason they are there IS important. It's obviously the issue here, along w/ no communication.
Is the problem that they're sedentary, or just that they're always there? Would it make you feel better if they were doing pushups in your living room or something?
If they're keeping themself busy by reading, why would you feel you need to entertain them?
Quote:
Originally Posted by rokuremote
Thanks for this story.
I do my best to just come and go at will, and not really initiate forced small talk. It can be hard because I have a deeply-ingrained sense of being a good host which includes being inclusive and cheerful around guests. BUT I also learned when I was young to know how to be a good guest, and that includes going to a private space at times when I want to give my host some space. No, I would never tell my guest to go to their room to read and vegetate for a while, but I wish it would just occur to them naturally, LOL.
Are you sure they don't think it would be rude to go hole up in their room?
Sounds like a discussion re: expectations are in order. Find out whether they expect you to keep them entertained, and if not, whether they're cool with both of you just doing your own thing separately.
Is anyone else generally aggravated when they spend too much time with a sedentary person?
There's someone that stays with us in our home for a few weeks at a time (the reasons aren't important to my question) that is very sedentary and I find myself super bothered by it and I'm not entirely sure why.
If this person was more active I feel like I'd be far, far less bothered by their visits. And it's not like they're demanding or unhelpful when asked for something. But it just seems like it sucks the life out of the house and out of me to have them plopped down in the middle of the living room reading silently or staring at their cell phone all day. I want to tell them to go sit somewhere out of sight for a little while, LOL.
Maybe it triggers a feeling that I need to entertain them or make small talk constantly.
What say ye...anyone else sometimes feel this way around super sedentary people?
Interesting projection. If there is a problem, that lies in your perceptions, your actions in response to the situation, and perhaps your denial of your reactions.
Someone drops a quarter-ton stone in the middle of my kitchen floor. I can ignore it, be angry that it is there, be angry at the stone itself, move the stone out, or beat the stone into a hundred fragments and dispose of it. I might have passing feelings about the person doing the drop-off of the stone, but I own my own responses to it.
If you have placed yourself in a situation where you have the "Man Who Came To Dinner," you might need to figure out alternatives. People are people. Some are sed(em)entary, some are volcanic, some morph into something different.
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