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I forgive pretty easily, I realised that forgiveness benefited me and helped me move on. We don't have long on this spinning globe and what I found out that when I refused to forgive that I held onto the hurt or injustice and would rage internally about it, plotting revenge or what I would say or do to that particular person etc - it wasn't doing me any good so the day I learned to forgive and mean it was the day my life got better and I became more content.
Forgiving someone doesn't mean hanging out or inviting around for Christmas or letting them marry your daughter or sending them a birthday card once a year - you're just making a mental note that you wish them no harm and you wish them well and your desire for revenge isn't there anymore and you get on with your life and - you don't have to be friends with them, you don't have to particularly like them - you have forgiven them and put it behind you.
This guy who has rung you, just say 'hi and bye' how are you doing? Things OK? Thats interesting - erm, I have things to do so I won't be able to hang out any time soon, take it easy, I will give you a call when I have some free time, byeeeeeee!
The trick with people is don't take anything like that personally, a lot of people can't help being jerks half the time and they don't really mean it, the path of least resistance tends to accumulate in jerk like behaviour more often than not.
I don't have any people in my life that need forgiving for anything. I can only suppose it would depend on the circumstances.
As for OP, if you liked the guy resume being friends. It doesn't mean you have to be best friends. I would also say don't get involved with helping him with any projects. It's possible he's looking for free labor. He may have remembered how useful you were in the past. There's nothing wrong with forgiving, but one shouldn't forget.
Depending on the context, I'm more open to be able to forgive if it will escalate the level of friendship positively or more and what I can get out of the interactions. I don't like to waste my time and energy. Reciprocate, initiate with things that help me and that I enjoy, respond most of the time when I reach out, etc.
If you're too busy for that blah blah blah, then time to move on.
Last edited by chessimprov; 05-20-2024 at 07:01 AM..
Reason: positively
I ask this question because recently somebody from my past called me and left a msg on my phone.
Basically he's a friend who I haven't heard from in 6 years.
I helped him do a lot of things he wasn't good at (construction and renovations) and was good friends with him and his wife.
Then at one point he suddenly started avoiding me.
He was the complete opposite before... always the one calling me to hang out etc.
I got tired of trying to call him so left him alone.
Six years later... (now) he calls and leaves a msg saying that he is sorry... that he had problems with his wife and "stuff" and can I call him back - him and his wife would like to catch up, etc.
I am of the type that thinks that you don't treat friends like that.
You don't just cut them off for no reason (based on the actual friendship).
He could've explained it to me back then and I would've gave him plenty of space.
Anyways, I'm not sure what to do.
In a way I don't trust him... you know the saying "Fool me once, shame on you" ... etc.
Is it just my ego?
How do you handle relationships and being forgiving?
He probably wants you to fix something for him, free.
A lot of the people I know are not great on communications and over time get busy and on with their lives. Various events change our priorities like coved and such. People loose touch and assume that for the loss of communications have passed on which does happen. I have tried to make contact with old friends that simply are not good communicators and don't even like the telephone long before the cellphone came along.
As much as I have tried to introduce others to social media such as this they are not interested, even though we might be able to share thoughts just as we do here. You must admit many of us here are opinionated, but we find fun in this exchange of ideas.
Some folk can't accept the slightest confrontation, and take everything personally.
I'm friends with that are flat earthers, and even though we disagree that does not harm our friendship. that's maturity.
it's not a moral issue it's a matter of perspective, and rebellion to the status quo.
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