Social anxiety and fears of the future are hindering me (dating, thoughts)

[EnglishMajor1983]

I don't know what to do anymore. Sorry if my thoughts seem jumbled. Please bear with me.

I've been suffering from social anxiety for a while now. I can't pinpoint when it started or what caused it. Anyway, I want to overcome it, but I'm finding it very difficult.

I have very few friends. My closest friend is over 1,000 miles away. I want to go out and meet new people, but every time I'm presented with a situation to do so, I chicken out. I start panicking and never follow through. I also want to start dating, but again, the fear overcomes me.

I have these terrifying fears of the future. They are all unfounded. For example, I'm so scared that one day I'm going to end up alone and homeless. I don't even know where that idea comes from! I'm doing well in school, I'm ambitious and hard-working, and I have a good head on my shoulders. Yet, this fear presents itself.

I don't know what else to do. I feel like a crazy person. I want to overcome these fears because they are hindering me from things that could really be great.

Has anybody here been in a similar situation or can anybody offer advice? I really appreciate it. I don't want to be scared anymore.

Thank you for reading.

[Osito]

I have gone through the same thing. What helped me was realizing that one, those fears are unfounded, and two, it was actually overbearing people in my life who were putting those fears in my head more than myself actually being afraid of that.

[Billy_J]

How about if you were to hire someone to "drag you out of the house" and go have a good time?

Say maybe 10 times - make a contract with the person you hire. And you would get some sort of reward after 5 times out. Then another after 10 times out. The reward could be just a piece of candy or something simple - it is just something to congratulate you for doing a good job!

And then you could specify exactly what each time out would entail. Maybe the first time would be going with the person you hire to a coffee shop and having a cup of coffee. Then that is it, go home - good job!

Maybe next time do something which is a little more difficult for you. (You could start easy and slowly work yourself up to more difficult outings.)

And carefully choose the person you hire. Probably best to not hire a party animal from a fraternity with the worst reputation on campus! Rather maybe go to the psychology department and ask a professor there to recommend a mature female who would be sensitive to your feelings and could "go slow" - go at your speed.

And this is just like learning the game of pool / billiards. There are easy shots and difficult shots. People want to practice the easy shots and don't want to practice the difficult shots. Yet to become good at the game, they need to work on the shots they are not good at!